Post # 1
Does life end when you have a baby?
I feel like mine will! I am not a partier anymore or anything like that- I am just considering going for my MFA, but I can’t decide if I should try to do it before starting a family- or wait until the kids would be old enough to start school. Plus, I am 27… so I feel like I have to decide.
Also, do you still have fun? I just fear I will take it so seriously I will never see my fun friends again. This question may seem silly, but I take it seriously. I would love to hear your thoughts…
Post # 3
Your life doesn’t end, but it does change very drastically. Your priorities change when you have children; they will become your main focus. You can still have fun, but it will be different. I suggest very strongly to get your MFA prior to having children because you probably won’t have time to do it after. The other option, which you have already mentioned, would be to wait until they start school, but even then your life will revolve around your child/ren. There will be play groups, sports activities, cheerleading, and so much more. And I do speak from experience.
Post # 4
I don’t think you need to wait to get your MFA, and in fact I think that starting now is best. You’ll have 9 months of time, and in the first few months the baby doesn’t require much attention, just time. Once they are more mobile they’ll need more and more attention. And once they’re starting school themselves, like Noritake said they will have their own activities, and it will be hard to get any education for yourself. I don’t think you should postpone kids or postpone education, I think you can do both, but the sooner the better that you start your education.
Post # 5
We have a 11 month old now and this past year has been a real adjustment.
I think a lot depends on whether or not you have help and support from family or nannies/baby nurses. If your SO and/or relatives can help watch the baby, a lot of options open up! Or if you can afford a nanny or baby nurse (or daycare), that helps a lot too.
If none of those options are available, then it gets a lot tougher to balance it all I think. Good luck!!
Post # 6
Things do change, like the pp have said. However, I’m a stay at home mom and I’m taking classes online. I will be finished the spring before our daughter starts kindergarten. We still go out and have fun. We take trips to places we’ve never been before. The trips can be mother and daughter only, FI and myself only, or family. I wouldn’t consider my life over.
Post # 7
I think it depends on what you do now and where your priorities lay. For instance DH and I are expecting now, but we spent most of our time with family, going to parks, hiking, museums, biking, and are just generally pretty low key, family oriented people. I can’t imagine that there is much we do that a baby/child wouldn’t be a welcome addition to. If you are night life kind of people, or like to take spontaneous trips all over, you might be facing some significant life changes and a switch in priorities.
DH and I both work full time, and while I wouldn’t consider going back to school while working full time with a baby, I would consider returning to school full time with a baby/child if I was not working or only working some part time hours.
Post # 8
No, but life AS YOU KNEW IT will. You will absolutely go out less and see your childless friends less. You’ll no longer be able to make plans at the drop of a hat and be spontaneous because you always have to consider if you can take the baby and if not, who can watch the baby.
But life in general does not end if you make a conscious effort to keep it up. My FI and I have a 14 month old daughter and we still take trips away by ourselves every few months. He travels a lot for work, and if he goes to a particularly interesting place, we leave the baby with family and I’ll tag along so we can spend some time together. We still talk about plenty of things that have nothing to do with the baby so our lives aren’t 100% focused on her. When I talk to my childless friends, I rarely talk about the baby, and most of them appreciate the fact that I didn’t become 100% mom after I had the baby. Like, I still maintain friendships and don’t expect everyone in the world to be obsessed with my child. I don’t plaster my Facebook with stories and pictures of her as if that’s the only thing going on in my life either.
So, basically, some things will inevitably change. But a lot of things shouldn’t. You should still be able to have friends, go out with them occasionally, enjoy time with your husband, and do all the normal things you like in life. You just can’t let being a mom overtake EVERYTHING; you have to retain some sense of… independence I guess. Like you’re still a PERSON, you’re not just a MOM, and it helps to remember that and try to achieve some balance.
Post # 9
Except for being more tired, we haven’t let the baby change our lifestyle too much. Fancy restaurants? She goes all the time. We always get compliments on her when we go out because people don’t usually see babies in the types of places we go. They always remark on our baby wearing contraption and on her excellent behavior. (She’s just a really easy going kid).
Other than that, we moved so we’re just making new friends… but aside from not going to bars, we’re doing all the same stuff.
Post # 10
It really depends on where you live and your support system.
My life DID end for the first 2 years of parenthood, but that was only because most of my friends had moved away from the area I lived in, I didn’t have access to public transit, couldn’t afford a vehicle and lived in the middle of nowhere (and was operating as a single mom).
Once I MOVED, & my partner moved in with us, things perked up incredibly. It is all about still having YOU time where you can go do adult activities with or without your children.
It can be tough to balance but if you take active steps to ensure your independence from all consuming mother hood you can do it.
Post # 11
You have made me feel a lot better bees, thank you for the insights. I know being an artist is a lifelong commitment, and so is parenting, and I am going to find a way to do them both.