Serious situation – uninviting future in laws? OH DAMN!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You already know the answer to this question: there is no way to tell her parents they can only come if other friends or family come.  Otherwise you wouldn’t have told people not to post if they aren’t going to agree with you.

Weddings bring out the worst in people, so if you go forward with this be prepared to destroy any relationship you have with FILs and your FI relationship with her parents.  Sounds like you have really opened their minds with them giving their blessing of this relationship, do not undo all the good that has come of your relationship with your FI by purposefully excluding her family from your wedding.

Post # 4
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CocoClassic:  There is no tactful way to uninvite someone from any event, unless it is cancelled.

Even if they are the only two at your wedding, it doesn’t mean you have to spend your honeymoon with them. I can’t believe that many parents would expect that to happen.

Make arrangements to stay in one place for the wedding amd move to another hotel for the honeymoon. Don’t share the latter information with anyone.

Post # 5
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@CocoClassic:  i hear ya.. that would be super awkward. Try to wait it out and hope and pray others will RSVP yes. You still have over a month for people to respond. If you are getting ancy, you can call and feel people out. Where is your family? They cant make it? If it turns out that no one else can come- I would reconsider having a small ceremony close to home (which more people are likely to attend).. and then going on your honeymoon where ever the desitination wedding was supposed to occur.


Make sure they do not book anything. Once they book- you can not uninvite them. 

Post # 6
5905 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@CocoClassic:  What you want to do….is called eloping, but that doesn’t work if you invite people to it, I cannot think of a way to tell them that since they’re the only ones going, that they’re not invited any longer….so maybe see how the RSVP situation works out, and if it looks like its just them, say that the both of you have had a change of heart and want to elope and have a reception back at home so more people can celebrate with you.

Post # 9
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CocoClassic:  Your marriage and honeymoon is not a family vacation. Seems like the problem here is not her parents but your FI.  Many couples who have destination weddings do not spend the honeymoon with the guests. You could plan a short holiday- a few days at most before the wedding- which you would share with any guests who come, then have a private honeymoon after the wedding.

The only person stopping this from happening is your FI.

Post # 10
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You just need to discuss it with them NOW, not later.  Let them know that they need to book their vacation for the week leading up to your wedding, and LEAVE after the wedding, because they will not be attending your honeymoon.  Or let them know that if they are the only ones able to attend you are thinking about changing to a cheaper elopment and back-home reception so more people can attend.  I see nothing wrong with that.

Post # 13
1372 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

There is no tactful way to uninvite them unless you cancel the event, which in this case would be your wedding in Rio (the honeymoon could still move forward). If you decide to go ahead with it, you need to set the expectation that they are more than welcome to hang out during the wedding festivities, but find a way to separate for the honeymoon portion of your adventure. I disagree with a PP that you should keep that from everyone– you really need to be upfront because your guests are spending thousands of dollars on airfare and accomodation–you really don’t want hard feelings after-the-fact, especially because their approval and acceptance is important to your wife.


Post # 14
917 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

How much vacation time do you have? I ask this because a friend of mine’s destination wedding schedule looked like this:


Week before the wedding: Everyone, including her parents, arrive to Italy (where NONE of them live). Family vacation happens with her, her parents, and her FI.


Weekend of week 1: Wedding happens! Everyone has a fab time! Everyone is sent HOME at the end of the week. Including my friend’s parents.


Week following the wedding: Friend and her new DH travel Italy and honeymoon by themselves. 


Could you guys swing something like this? It does mean spending wedding time with her fam, but it doesn’t compromise a private honeymoon.


Post # 15
3047 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

So I’m just back from our DW (Sweden) and honeymoon (France) – and based on the family time I had while in Sweden I can understand your concern! 🙂

Now, it sounds as if your FI likes spending time with her parents. If they are in fact the only guests attending, is there any way she could fly there earlier with them to deal with all the prep work? They you could come in for the ceremony and then leave for somewhere else in the country or S. America for the honeymoon. Her parents won’t “waste” the flight by just coming for the ceremony, they will feel included, she will get some quality time with them and the two of you will still get some time to yourselves.

We did something similar for our wedding, I arrived about 10 days earlier than my DH – did set up and wedding shopping (decor, alcohol etc) with my parent and then DH arrived about a week before the wedding. We then left for the honeymoon two days after the wedding (retrospect, we should have left at once… but it’s easy to be smart about things after the fact).



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