Post # 1
Let me preface this by saying that I am well aware that our wedding is not the center of the universe around which everyone else’s lives revolve. I totally get that to everyone else, its just another wedding and I’ve honestly been very touched by the number of people that are taking the time and making the effort to celebrate with us.
Okay, that said – I invited my adult step-neice (my sister-in-law’s kids from her first marriage), her husband and two daughters to my wedding. She missed the RSVP deadline so I e-mailed her twice through facebook to ask if they were coming. She ignorned both e-mails even though I could see she was active on facebook after I’d sent each one. Then yesterday, I finally get her RSVP and no surprise, but they’re not coming. What aggravated me was that she wrote a little note on the bottom of the RSVP with the reason they’re not coming – her daughters have soccer games that day.
Seriously? I’ve been her aunt since she was about 10 years old and her kids aunt their whole lives and my wedding isn’t maybe a little higher priority than a weekly soccer game?
I’m not going nuts over it or anything but I can’t help but be a little hurt and peeved. I mean, sheesh…
Post # 3
Yeah, I’d be peeved at that too. Some people just have vastly different priorities, especially parents. Something seems to happen with some women when they have children: all of the sudden no one and nothing else matters but their kids. It’s like their kids are in stereo and everything else in the world is just white noise. I think it’s a tad bit unhealthy to teach your children that they’re the center of the universe, but unfortunately it’s becoming more and more common these days.
Are you sure it’s not like, a championship game or something, though?
Post # 4
Honestly, I’d miss weddings for that too (at least when I was a kid growing up). Both my sister and I played competitive travel soccer and its a very big commitment of both money and time. Missing a weekend of games (which usually isn’t just one game – its often 3 or 4) for a wedding would definitely be looked down upon unless it was for really close family (like a sibling or parent).
Sorry you’re bummed about it though. I had a much higher decline rate than normal for my wedding so I know how it sucks to learn that people you’d like there to celebrate with won’t make it.
Post # 5
Something similar happened to us. We lined up a guy to work for us that day helping with the set up, etc since our venue didn’t really supply anything other than a pretty setting. This is someone DH works with a lot, has worked a lot in my parents house (they love this guy), and we trust a lot. He fully agreed and was really excited to help with the wedding, plus to get a couple hundred bucks for the day. Great right? Two days before the wedding DH calls to talk to him about timing, truck rental etc and the guy says “Oh ya, sorry, I forgot to call you. I can’t do it, I have to take my kid to his soccer tournament.” Ummmmm thanks. So DH and his groomsmen ended up doing everything rather than hanging out and doing the typical pre-wedding stuff. Blah. I don’t think DH will ever forgive the guy. That’s just a crappy thing to do.
Your step-niece really should have told you earlier. I assume she has a schedule of all the games that she’s given at the beginning of the season.
Post # 6
Maybe she thought she owed you an explanation and was trying to be polite–from a guests perspective, if you’re close the couple, it seems a little cold just to mark the decline box without saying anything. Soccer games may not be a worthy reason for you, but maybe, like a PP said, they are a big deal for her family.
(Now, if it’s AYSO or something, then you’ve got parents who really need to get a life outside of their kids.)
But I still say that at least she gave you an explanation, even if it’s not the best one.
Post # 7
I’m sorry, but that’s just lame. A soccer game? They couldn’t miss one? And even if they couldn’t, she should’ve done you the courtesy of responding much earlier, rather than make you drag the answer out of her.
Post # 8
That seems a little ridiculous! I would be a little peeved if I were you too!
Post # 9
That’s just lame. I never understand when people pass on once in a lifetime events for something they do every week. I was very involved in ballet when i was growing up and my parents would just have someone else take me if they had a function to go to.
Also, my friend got a decline to her wedding because it interfered with the college football game that a certain couple went to every week. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Post # 10
Some families really treasure sports. My FH’s sister got married this year and people drove up for the OTT cocktail hour from NYC to Boston, and then went home after it to miss the wedding because the kids had b-ball games. This family takes b-ball very seriously. And, no, these were not even college or high school kids. They were middle school kids playing in a summer league. I didnt get it.
His family completely got it, but I didn’t.
Post # 11
I think from the kids point of view the soccer game is a bigger deal than the wedding. It would have been nice if atleast the husband could take the girls to their soccer game and the wife could still show up at the wedding, unless both soccer games are at two different locations.
Post # 12
I think from the kids point of view the soccer game is a bigger deal than the wedding.
This isn’t about the kids though, it’s about the couple getting married. Kids’ preferences don’t have to come first every minute of every day. Honestly, the “special snowflake” sydrome is getting completely out of control. Kids can miss one soccer game, it’s not going to kill them. The OP will be getting married once. Kids have games every week. Why does one parent have to miss the wedding? Why can’t the parents find alternate accomodations for their kids for that one day? The kids can’t carpool with another family? Mom and Dad can’t find a sitter for after the game? It’s not like they didn’t have plenty of notice.
Post # 13
I agree with bells…obviously this game is big deal to their family and the kids. And obviously, good parents aren’t going to let their kids down if they can help it. I agree that it’s disappointing that they can’t come, but if they aren’t distancing themselves from you in any other way, I wouldn’t take it personally. I grew up showing horses competively and my parents were a big part of making that happen for me. When you are heavily involved in a sport as a child, it is often your whole world and I always felt bad for the kids whose parents’ didn’t think it was important to be there. I don’t know what I would have done without my parents with me to support me at my shows. I think that being your kid’s cheerleader and support is a big part of their success in anything and you can’t really fault someone for wanting to be supportive of something that is important to their child.
Your wedding is a big deal, but their child will always come first. I don’t think that is teaching the child that the world revolves around them, but part of showing love and support as a good parent. They should have responded promptly instead of making you seek them out, but that is the only thing they are guilty of, IMHO.
Post # 14
“And obviously, good parents aren’t going to let their kids down if they can help it.”
Good parents teach their kids that they aren’t the center of the universe and that sometimes, they have to consider other people.
These kids will have tons of soccer games – their aunt will get married once. Thinking that having your kids miss one day of games is being unsupportive as a parent or that being a parent means always and in every situation putting your child’s wants above any other consideration is lunacy, IMHO.
Post # 15
@lisa105: You aren’t their aunt though! You are the aunt of their mother. I’ve never even met a single one of my parent’s aunts and uncles and would never dream of even being invited to one of their weddings if they got married (let alone actually attend). (And my extended family is really, really close – but that’s just too extended for most people).
I don’t know how old you are but if you’re on the younger side, you’ll learn that as you age and marry and start your own family, that that family and your immeadiate family (parents, siblings, children) take huge precedence over aunts, uncles, cousins, great-aunts, etc. Maybe this is just showing you that these members of your extended family aren’t truely as cloes to you as you’d like to think they are. Weddings kind of bring these things out into the open.
(And I still have zero problem with them not attended due to the prior soccer commitment. I think the only thing they did wrong was not reply by the RSVP deadline and instead made you track down their response).
Post # 16
@Mrs.KMM: Every family dynamic is different. My great-aunts and uncles drove 12 hours to come to my wedding, and I flew across the country to go to my dad’s cousins wedding. My mom was closer to her aunt than her mother. One of my friend’s considers her step-grandfather’s kids her cousins. Even if it is her step-great-neices and nephews, that doesn’t necessarily imply that they aren’t close family.