- 6 years ago
Oh bees. Today has been such a trying day. I don’t really expect any solutions, but desperately need to vent.
Our wedding is a DW. We got engaged in October 2010 and set the date and location immediately. We sent out STDs over a year ahead of time and told everyone where it was and what the expected costs were. We chose an island that didn’t require a passport and found really, really affordable lodging so that our families, at least, could come.
Both of my sisters are married with kids and I swear, short of my dad calling my MATRON OF HONOR to yell at her, they would not have dresses to wear at the wedding. I just could not get them to order their dresses and had to do it for them. I don’t think she was planning to come at all. My parents have bought her family (of 4) flights and room. Thankfully. But I’m still hurt by the whole thing.
I had to remind her and my other sister that it’s customary to throw the bride a shower. I didn’t really care one way or another, but I had friends who kept asking and they just totally did not remember they were supposed to do that. They are older and checked out of all wedding stuff. Which kind of breaks my heart.
Jump to FI’s family. Only one of his three brothers has committed to coming. One of his brothers never responded when FI asked him to be in the wedding. Just never answered. We assume he’s not coming. Another brother is, apparently, coming, but not his wife. I’m really upset about this. We were both in their wedding and we had to sacrifice a lot to get there. It cost us a lot of money and vacation time at a time when we really didn’t have extra money to spare, but it was important to FI and I agreed that we’d do whatever it took to make sure we were there. Now his wife isn’t coming to our wedding because it’s too expensive. They had already said they were coming and we thought they would be really excited to have a vacation too. They make quite a bit more than we do and have for several years. I can’t help but be sad that they’re not willing or able to make us a priority, as we did for them. We just found out today, as they have been skirting the issue for quite some time. I’m trying to be understanding. Two weeks ago they visited some friends in Illionis and drove seven hours to get there. They’ve never once come to visit us, six hours away, and now they aren’t both coming to the wedding either. I just feel like we’re so not worth their time and effort.
And on that note. One of my best friends left a message on our FB event page saying she’s not sure what time she’ll show up to our home reception because it’s her graduation that day. Part of me gets it. She’s graduating and wants to walk. Part of me is outraged. She’s not coming to the island, although funding is not ever an issue for her. This will be her third graduation. I don’t think I would be so upset about her missing it, however, if we hadn’t gone through so much to go to her wedding. In 2010, FI and I traveled to a private island off the east coast for her wedding. It cost a fortune that we really didn’t have and it was actually, literally, really hard to get to. But again, she was a priority to us. I felt terrible for missing some of the wedding weekend events but we really couldn’t afford to pay for a rental car and a room near the island for so long. We drove up the day of the wedding from Boston at 6 am and afterwards, drove back at midnight before our train to NYC the next day at 6 am. FI had class the Monday following the wedding and couldn’t miss it. I also threw her a surprise bridal shower for her local friends. And now she’s only going to make it to a few hours of my reception? I’m so hurt. I went to so many lengths to make sure we were there for her entire day and she isn’t able to reciprocate?
I feel like that phrase “Don’t make anyone a priority who considers you optional” is being pounded into my brain. Unfortunately, since we’re some of the last in our group and families to get married, we’ve already made most of our loved ones a priority and it feels like they aren’t willing to do the same. And even now I feel really guilty for being upset that people aren’t able or willing to come. I know I only get one day and I know my FI’s family won’t be coming to my shower and clearly most won’t be coming to the island either, but it really breaks my heart that one of my best friends can’t even manage to come to our reception except maybe at the very end. I was going to ask her to help me get ready that day. 🙁
That is my pity party for the day. Am I totally awful?