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the stress, the dress, the flowers, the family dramas, the invite 2 and get 4 rsvp'd, the no kids but people bring them anyway, the FMIL sticking her nose in or not and did i mention family drama?
we're eloping, we're not telling anyone and will mail the announcements at the airport before heading off, coming back married and will have a catered family thing for about 150 people 2 weeks after we get back. i have no interest in the show that goes with a wedding (although i LOVE other peoples wedding plans, im a total wedding tragic when it comes to other people)
as a newbie to this site im seeing alot of reasons as to why the thought of planning my own wedding turned me off...... so why do you do it? or can some of the now married Bees tell us if they would do it again?
goodluck to all the brides to be out there... i think you are amazing in tackling a wedding
Have fun! That sounds like so much fun for you and your FI. The important part is that you're doings YOUR way a la Sinatra. :)
I'm having fun. I didn't think I would at first, but I'm having lots of fun. I think I'll find new ways to do crafts even when the wedding is over. I'll also try to stay in better touch with family and friends who are coming out to celebrate with me.
because it's fun! it's a celebration! and I think it pays off all the effort; it's the only time you can be a planner a designer a coordinator and an artist
Me too, I am with mary-alice, I am having alot of fun and bounding with my FH.
this is such an important and happy time of my life and i want to share it with all my friends and family! and of course with all that comes stress, but like pp its fun! when else are you going to have the opportunity to have a celebration like this again?
Haha i am about to jump on board with you all joking aside. It is stressful on me now and i am a yr out yet...ugh just curious if anyone did change their minds going from planning to eloping?
I'm just starting out, and hoping not to deal with most of this stuff.
But I'm doing it for two main reasons:
1) I want the people I love and am close to to be there when I make this commitment, and
2) My cousins are Mormon so my grandmother won't be able to see their weddings, so she only gets to see mine and my sister's, so it's pretty much expected that I'll have a wedding.
(But honestly? It's mostly number 1.)
im one of those Theresaimpa.... we actually had a reception centre booked at then both my partner and i felt it was becoming about "the wedding" and no longer about us so we talked about what was important to us and what we wanted.
We're doing it because we want to celebrate with our families. And so far, we haven't really had any drama. But then we are both pretty laid back people and our lives are pretty drama free.It's also going to be not so traditional.
Our families are doing the food and our guest list is not ironclad, so if more show up, it's not a big deal. We are having kids at the wedding-the more the merrrier. Not doing the bouquet or garter toss. Probably not doing the unity candle. I'm wearing a short dress. Having only a MOH and a Best Man and two flower girls. I don't care what my MOH wears as long as it's dress and not white/ivory.
We are in our 30's and it's a first wedding for both of us. Our parents are helping to pay but are letting us do it our way. I guess we're pretty lucky!
Because I like party planning . Because I like the chance to bond with my in-laws , my new sister. Because I want my family there to share in the moment. There are a million different reasons , but i agree , you have to do what's right for you.
i think wedding planning is so super fun! it's a big party! and honestly it's been great practice for me and FI in how we plan, communicate, compromise. we've lived together for almost three years, travelled all over together, and still learning things through this process. amazing!
i definitely understand now how things turn into a circus tho! we have constantly struggled with keeping our vision versus what everyone else wants for us. but i think it's very true to what we've wanted from the beginning.
In my opinion, hosting a catered event for 150 people is a wedding reception. So, really, you are putting on "the show" that goes along with a wedding. I don't think you can knock brides who enjoy planning events. I feel that your post is a bit snarky and condescending.
I look back on my wedding and I don't regret one thing about planning a traditional wedding. I loved the entire process (and I was engaged for nearly 2 years!). Not everyone's experience is full of drama and problems. Some people just steer clear of it and remain focused on the ceremony and celebration of marriage.
MrsK2be i didnt meant that at all and apologize if it seems that way - i LOVE wedding plans, just not my own i discovered and i joined here to get some ideas on what i can do for our destination wedding while still keeping it very low key.
i did not intended to be snarky or condescending at all
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I'll do it because my boyfriend wants to, and he cares more about having a reception than I do about not having one. In many families, eloping would probably cause more drama than planning a wedding.
Mostly, we're doing it for our families. In-Laws LOVE weddings (and happily they love me!) and I'm the first child on my side to get married. The large guest list and oodles of money spent, well we're making our family happy. Plus, we get to celebrate how much we love each other with all the other people in our lives that we love!!
We may elope in January, and then still have our weddint in June.. It would make sense financially for us since they wont add me to his insurance at work unless we are married and if he is transfered for work I dont get the perks....no domestic partnership there! But the reason we are having a wedding is because I want one. I want my daddy to walk me down and give me away(that is the main reason), and I want to celebrate with all of our friends. And any chance to get my whole extended family together in an awkward situation that they dont like gives me a high.. I know im cruel, but you dont know my family... they are "all better than one another"
My FH is all about eloping, he has been married before, but he understands that I want a wedding and so he is letting me have it.
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I'm with you -- I wish we were eloping!
But, we're doing it because our families really want it. We're both the oldest grandchildren in our extended families so it's like.. the first wedding in a LONG time for each side. They'd be coming after us with torches and pitchforks if we didn't. We're each really really close with our relatives, so you know, I'd like to make them happy. My FI also leans a little towards wanting a wedding over eloping.
We've been staying sane by keeping it casual, and just tossing aside the traditions/details that we couldnt care less about.
But I definitely have the "I wish we were eloping!" thoughts at least every other day :)
I had one drama filled bridesmaid and I cut her loose because she was a pain in my butt. Other than that, I made the world's largest wish list and what I get done, I get done. And what doesn't.... well, oh well. It is fun though, and when else do you get to throw a party that's all about you and your love?
Originally I had wanted to do somthing simple - like a really small wedding or a destination wedding with close family and a few friends. But for many reasons that idea had been dismissed and now we are having a medium/small sized wedding where we live.
In many ways I wish we had gone in the way of a smaller simpler wedding or a destination wedding. It is a lot of work and a lot of stress, but over all the process so far has been pretty fun.
I want this whole process to be as stress free as possible. I just keep saying to myself that the little things do not matter, little details will not make or break my wedding. We have decided what is really important to us and have put the focus on those thing. I am trying to craft some small thing to add our own touch to our day and stuff but in the end I am just happy that we will have good food, our close friends and fam and we will be married!
Guess my main reason for it is that it has already become all about "the wedding" not us or what we want. We have our family throwing their 2 cents in every where. We are paying for evey penny ourself with no help from either sides of our families.
Our families are known for back yard bbq weddings and in all honesty i dont think they are going to appreciate that we went out of our way to have them eat on real linens as conpared to plastic like they are used to. We are not having bbq chicken with pasta salad, we carefully picked what they will eat. They will be getting the 3 main menu groups not just one choice.
So much has gone into it and if it isnt appreciated i think i just might cry. No there is nothing wrong with a back yard bbq wedding but if you saw one of ours its more like a sporting even instead with drinking,smoking, blaired music ,yelling ect that how my aunts wedding was and i was in horror that she thought it was a appropriate way to start off her new life with her husband. They didnt even get 2 mins into the readings before someone was cussing and laughing!!(just not my style)
Guess i just needed to explain as to why i thought it might be better for US. I DO want the whole church wedding with my dad walking me down the aisle its always been a dream of mine. I showed my fiance this post and he said NO WAY right off the bat because he knows what i want and that was just that. He has been married before and wouldn't mind eloping but he is thinking about me(thats why i love him).I did not write this to offend anyone and if i did im sorry.
I'm not eloping because I don't WANT to fly away and get married then come home and go "surprise!!!" I am not a fan of the idea.
I think you just have to keep perspective while you're planning if you don't want to lose control.
Wedding planning's not the big crazy mess for me it is for some people. Sure, there are stupid little things that irritate me, but I'm very "whatever" about it all the closer I get. And I don't listen to all the input i get from our families because i don't feel obligated to at all. I refuse to let it become about the party and not about us. Therefore, I KNOW i will have fun and enjoy it! And i love all the crafty stuff i get to partake in.
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My husband had joked about elope but when it came down to wedding prep, he really came through and we had tons of fun planning it together. Although it's a stressful process, it's also fun and rewarding to see how the hardwork come out so nicely. I also like that we had disagreements but were able to work things out and understand each other even more.
FYI, you were NOT be condescending or snarky. It is true as I have read and watch, people sometimes make it all about the wedding and sometimes forget about the real reason!
While we are not eloping we are not a big thing basically going away for the 4th of July weekend to a local cabin outdoor resort that does these types of weddings. Ala Gatlingburg, TN but in Ohio. And in all honestly we are doing this for our family (immediate only). We really wanted to just go to the courthouse and do a dinner afterwards but our families wanted to be there etc. So we compromised and are happy but there still come the certains stress and I think I am glad and would have never done a huge wedding. I actually almost vomited when I went into a bridal store at home, its just too much. I think what you are doing is wonderful and hats off to you! Enjoy!
We're having a wedding because the only other time all of your family and friends come together like that is at your funeral. And let's face it, that's not nearly as good of a time.
We bounced around the idea of a destination wedding or eloping with the party afterwards.. but all in all.. it is a once in a lifetime event that we want to celebrate with our friends and family.. and also I have 2 children from a previous relationship (never been married) and I think it is important for them to see our marriage.
My father and his wife eloped and she cried to me, telling me how she wishes she had a "real" wedding... even though they have been married for 16 years she still has the regret she doesnt have pictures and her only memory of her wedding was signing the marriage license. And then I have family who say, save the 20K and buy a house..
We made our wedding us - as it is our marriage...
@ eloping: I just wanted to understand why you are having a big party after you return. Don't you feel as though the reception portion of the wedding is the most stressful (costs, planning, etc.)? How will editing the ceremony out of the day make it easier for you?
Anyone in my family sneezes and we throw a party. Not really, but it seems like it. So, for me, any excuse for a party is a good one and with my wedding it's no different. I never wanted a somber, religious wedding because that is not me and it's not FI either. We are going to party from the time we wake up that morning to when we go to bed two weeks later. 
i had 2 reasons for planning a wedding...
1. i come from an events background and it was the first time i was able to plan one my way and not what a client wanted. i had such a great time!
2. i wanted my friends and family there as we said our vows. i love that our officiant made a comment in the ceremony about our friends and family being a reminder of the promise we made to one another.
My parents eloped, a little over 35 years ago, and THAT caused a ton of family drama in itself. My Grandma was furious, and it put a strain on her relationship with my father for years and years. My Mom's whole side of the family basically felt like my father "stole" their daughter, and robbed them of the experience of seeing her get married. I'm not saying this will happen to others who elope, I just wanted to share that eloping isn't always a way to avoid drama, or at least for my parents it wasn't!
I, personally, have waited years to plan my wedding, and I'd never want to give up that fun. But I also love to plan, assess the risks and make contingency plans....yep, Project Manager here! But I think it's really up to the individual, whatever suits you, small wedding, large wedding, eloping. In the end, the most important thing is you and your husband get married. But I choose the crazy planning, for the sheer fun of it. And plus, my Mom forbid me from eloping, to avoid the drama, haha.
I've thought about eloping too, but really, this is the only way I could have it. Call it sociological conditioning if you want, because it probably is, but I have always dreamed of marrying the love of my life in front of family and friends. It's a very special opportunity to make a "big to-do" of something that I feel is worth making a fuss over. Our relationship is the most special, important, pivotal thing that's ever happened to me, and I want our wedding to reflect that. I'm not saying that eloping downplays the seriousness of your commitment, but for me, I need the ritual, I need the tradition, I need the celebration, to feel like I've adequately acknowledged how sacred and joyful what we are embarking on is!
I only get to do this once. Seriously. And it will be the first time our family and friends will be gathering for us. I don't know when the next time we will all be together. Just the thought of that brings me to tears. Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do after the wedding is over. But it has been beneficial in terms of getting me back on the healthy track and losing weight. It has allowed my FI and I to learn how to budget and handle money together. I don't share much personal events with my family and friends, and it's great to be able to open up and let them witness something so personal to me. I wouldn't have it any other way!!!
I don't think you were being rude at all. I totally have those feelings some times. I thought about eloping and threw out the idea to my mother (horrible.....HORRIBLE idea) I was basically told "Nope, not gonna happen." Anywho I have been very laid back about my planning, we're not doing most traditional things since thats not really "us" and we're only having a MOH (FSIL) and Best Man (my lil bro). So its pretty easy and fun. But trust me eloping in somewhere exotic is definitely nagging at me!!
Honestly, I never dreamed about my wedding when I was little, or once looked at a wedding mag before I was engaged. But I LOVED planning our wedding. I truly got a ton of pleasure out of planning it, I found it not that stressful at all, and the whole weekend of the wedding was incredibly wonderful and special - becoming husband and wife in front of all of our family and friends and then having a crazy fun party, I wouldn't have changed a thing!
I think it is great that you are eloping because it is what you prefer though :)
have fun!
that sounds like a great idea... too bad my parents wouldn't let me get away with that... i want to get married soon as possible but they are forcing our engagment to be over a year and half (which it seems pretty normal actually, but i wanted it be more like less than a year) so that out of the country relatives can come to my wedding.
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Wedding planning stresses me out sometimes :-P even doing a simple wedding, but I'm doing it because it's important to me that I can share that special day with the people that have been an important part of my life. I know it's mainly about the two of us, but really, whose life is just about them? My life includes so many amazing people who have blessed me in all sorts of ways, so I can't imagine celebrating joining my life to another person without including those people, too. So there you go, that's my reasoning :-)
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