- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
Today my DH and I made plans for a date night tonight – dinner & a movie. My teenager is off to her father’s for the weekend. I’ve been majorly stressed out with my mother’s illness (she’s 88, fell on Dec 22nd and broke her upper arm, had surgery the next day & developed a circulation problem in that arm, then had a stroke the next morning which was Christmas Eve. My holidays were a blur of hospital, now rehab and I’m it – no sibling help) and I was really looking forward to tonight.
When I got home I explained to my husband that we needed to get a special recliner from her home to my mom’s rehab facility tomorrow. I asked him if he thought we could do it together or should I ask his dad to come help with a larger truck and manpower. Instead of answering my question, he started arguing that the facility to should provide her with a recliner. When I told him I tried that route, he kept saying it wasn’t right that we should have to bring hers from home. This is an $850 power lift chair – the facility doesn’t have those and she needs it for her circulation. All I needed from him was a yes we can do it or no, call my dad to help us. His solution to this conversation was to walk off to his office and close the door. My daughter was sitting here listening to this and was mad at him for behaving this way. I ended up calling his dad and setting up a time for him to come help me tomorrow. Problem solved but without husband’s help. This is what I would have done if I was single.
After my daughter left, I went in to him and told him I didn’t need to be treated this way. I needed help with one thing concerning my mother and he couldn’t just agree to do it. He wanted to continue arguing that the rehab center should provide the chair, which is useless to me solving the problem at hand. I’m angry that this is the example of communication he showed my daughter. She has plenty of examples of bad behavior from her father and frankly, she expects better from her step-dad. So do I. I can’t talk to him about my mother’s condition or how I feel about all that because he says all I do is complain. Maybe this is where the age difference comes in – his parents are only 10 years older than I am so facing issues with an aging parent is so far off his radar…his eyes glaze over when I try to talk about what I’m facing.
Now I just want to go away for the evening. I’m thinking of taking myself to a movie and sleeping at my mom’s house. I told him I was walking out this time. I’m tired and depressed. I’ve been working hard (I own my own business on top of everything), I’m stressed about my mother, not only her current condition but what lies ahead regarding her living arrangements, selling her house etc. – it’s all on me to take care of- and this is the second fight we’ve had recently in which his answer is to just walk out to “cool down”. Actually, that’s always his response. When I tell him how I feel, I’m always wrong – I “attack” him, or I don’t let him speak or I don’t say things correctly. Sometimes I’m ready to give up. I used to be able to talk to my mom about this stuff but obviously that support is gone for me too. If I didn’t have my daughter there are times I’d like to just disappear. Thanks for reading. I had this in “Emotional” but meant to put it here.