Seriously don't know what to do – thoughts?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Have you had a serious converstaion with him about these issues?

I agree that a grown man with a serious medical condition should really try to focus on making healthy choices. Any ideas on how to motivate him? I think you could come up with some personal new years resolutions, and then maybe help him come up with some of his own. If you make your goal to be more active and healthy, he might be likely to follow your lead.

Post # 4
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@lorie:  I am sure many other bees are going to suggest this as well, but I would reeeeally recommend counseling for him. Only a trained therapist can help him get to the root of the self-destructive behaviors. He has to want that help though. I would recommend sitting down with him calmly and just saying that you love him and want to support him through working on these issues so that your relationship can thrive. Try to come across as an ally rather than an adversary in this and see where it goes. 

If he isn’t ready, it’s important for you to ask yourself where you draw the line for your own sanity/health. Your anger and frustration is perfectly valid in this situation, and extremely common among partners of people suffering with addictions. It would be great for you to start thinking about what the next step will be for you if he refuses to address the things that are so important to you.  

Post # 7
Member
2519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@lorie:  I would def reccomend trying to get him out of the house and walking for atleast 20-30 mins a day. From what I understand being active is HUGE in delaying some of the more severe effects of MS. 

I second the PP about counseling. perhaps he is depressed with his new diagnosis and is having a hard time adjusting.

 

Post # 8
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Well that is wonderful that he switched to e-cigs. I use them myself when I am in environments that do not allow smoking. You DO kow that there is no nicotine in the vapor that is exhaled right?

You would probably think that I am a caffeine addict too as I easily drink a 12 pk of Diet Cherry Pepsi per day. I happen to have severe ADHD an believe or not, it actually slows me down. I can not sleep without it. In other words, it has the opposite effect o me than most people.  I have heard of quite of few folks attached to Mountain Dew – often it is a regional thing. Is it common where he hails from?

And I get your annoyance with him playing his game or watching countless episodes of a particular sitcom. My FH watches so much of Two and a Half Men and Boys Meets World that it almost makes me puke (whereas I watch NO TV what-so-ever). My FH is 54 years old!

And unfortunately most males are not that good at helping around the house. Its an unfortunate cultural thing tht just because women are blessed with uteruses that somehow that makes us uniquely qualified to do housework. WRONG!

I had two thoughts while reading your posts. The first is that with many people with serious medical conditions there seems to be two prevailing attitudes. Either they get concerned about their health and get super health conscious OR they figured that they are already screwed so fu*ck it and might as well enjoy life.

The second thought is that perhaps he needs to have his dopamine levels checked. Seriously. Nicotine and caffeine addictions (and I have both) are two of the primary characteristics of dopamine deficiency as bth substances tend to elevate dopamine levels. Even if he is, he probably will not need to take dopamine – there are many nutritional supplements and foods that will naturally raise dopamine levels. One book that I found particularly helpful was The Younger (Thinner) You Diet by Dr. Eric Braverman where he discusses the role of neurotransmitter on health. The authors relies heavily on published scientific journal articles and I was really impressed.

Of course the two thoughts above are just thoughts. I do not live with the man. But you say that he works hard, is loving and an excellent step-father. My personal opinion is that you should cut this guy a little slack. Yes he SHOULD take better care of his health and I agree that you should encourage him to eat. drink healthy but he is a grown man and cigs, Mountain Dew, an TV are all legal. There are far worse addictions.

 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@lorie:  I’d be happy to lend him my uterus if it would make him do more around here. I don’t need it anymore.

AMEN sister!

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