- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
My DH has an addictive personality and it drives me crazy. He is 39 (I’m 54) and he was diagnosed with MS about 14 years ago. Fortunately, he has only had 2 minor exacerbations which occurred at the time of his diagnosis and his neurologist is amazed by how lucky he is. However, it’s in him and we constantly live with the fear in the backs of our minds wondering if and when it will it will recur. I’m angry about his lack of concern for his health.
He has an excellent job, works long hours and is working on his BS, taking classes 1-2 nights a week. He’s a smart guy and a really good person. But these things make me nuts:
1) He smokes and switched to e-cigs in July. I didn’t care about his smoking as long as it wasn’t around me. I’m happy he made that change but he used to smoke regular cigs outside, now he smoke the e-cigs inside. I’ve done my research and even though there’s no real second hand smoke issue now, I don’t like being in a cloud of vapor. I’ve asked him not to do this in the bedroom and to cut down on doing it around me in general. OK, no problem, he’s been agreeable.
2) This is my biggest concern. He drinks tons of Mountain Dew, only in the 1 litre bottles and 2-4 of those per day. Breaking this down by the numbers, each bottle is about 1,000 calories and costs $2.00. At 2 bottles a day, this is over $1,400/year and $2,900 at 4 bottles! Not to mention taking in up to 4,000 empty, crappy calories per day. Read any articles on the dangers of the ingredients of Mtn Dew? It’s terrifying. He’s tall & thin but often chooses not to eat anything close to “real” food and I think it’s because this quantity of Mtn Dew, between the sugar and caffeine, depletes his appetite. He has constant digestive issues – there’d better be a rest room nearby as soon as he finishes eating.
3) He used to be addicted to porn, but after I asked him to cut back on that he’s developed other mindless addictions. Lately he’ll spend all his free time in the recliner watching hours worth of Malcolm in the Middle (of all things!) episodes on Netflix, and/or playing the latest “Clan” video game on his phone (hours and hours of this!!). He’ll even play this game in the car. He’ll help around the house when I ask, but I feel like I end up doing most things myself.
I worry about his health, get angry at the money wasted on the junk he puts into his body and find myself frequently angry at his lack of responsibility/partnership in running the house. Anytime I talk about these issues we end up in a fight in which he walks out.
I know this all makes him sound like a loser, but he’s a very loving, intelligent man (most of the time) and he’s become an incredible step father to my daughter, who loves him, too.
Do I just accept these choices of his and figure I’ll die first anyway? I’ve never been addicted to anything so it’s hard for me to understand this behavior and it’s making me crazy.I need him to be more of a partner. Yes, I knew he had some of these issues when I married him, but it seems to only get worse. I got out of a 25 yr long marriage before I met him and I guess my tolerance for bad behavior is nearly nil. I can’t imagine not being with him, but these “small” things are eating me up. Thanks for reading.