(Closed) Seriously?! (FMIL enough said)

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

The way I look it they would be doing you a big favor, so I don’t think it would be a big deal for them to drive up with you. Unless you really think they are going to drive you bonkers. Find someone else to do it then. I’m guessing you guys will be bringing lots of wedding stuff so just tell themthere no room inthe car, or better yet just have your Fi deal with them

Post # 4
Member
1964 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

That sucks but I’m not sure you can… They aren’t obligated to pay for anything for your wedding and they are doing you a favor driving your car home. The only tbang I could suggest is explore other options for getting the car home ( maybe a friend or another relative?) or offer to pay their flight to the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I mean I know they’re your in-laws… but they are doing you a favor. I’d try to find a way to pay for at least the gas to get your car back. and if you can manage it I’m not sure why having them a week early would be a big deal. You don’t have to entertain them for a week. Give them some ideas of stuff to do and explain that you won’t be able to do much since you’re doing a bunch of stuff for the wedding. 

Post # 7
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If they planned on driving anyway, I wouldn’t expect  for me to foot the entire gas bill on the way back. I would be happy to split it. But that is me. In my head, if they are going to drive anyway, sounds like they just want a free ride. But I can be pessimistic like that. But they are doing you a favor. I would try to compromise & ask them to split it. If they won’t, suck it up?

Also, if they want to come a week early, let them. Have them stay in seperate area, hotel room, house, whatever. And make them fully aware before the time comes that you will be very busy during the week tying up details so you (you and fi) won’t have much time for exploring with them.

Post # 8
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t have an answer for this one yet… I am just quite stunned at their proposal of travelling with you guys down to the Wedding a week before… honestly as someone who LOVES car trips with my guy… I know that they aren’t ideal for everyone.  I highly recommend that you DO NOT ACCEPT their offer… a 17 Hour Drive with anyone who isn’t your perfect match, can be horrendous !!

Honestly, your idea of driving down and them flying in, and then driving your car back north made a ton of sense to me.  Especially so if I was considering driving both ways anyhow.  IF I was your relative, and doing that favour for you, I also wouldn’t be charging you for gas… as it would be part of the cost of my getting back home anyhow.

Crazy Inlaws if you ask me… I do think that you were kind when you used the word FRUGAL…

EDIT TO ADD – Since you posted an Update while I was drafting. So idea # 2, is you the Bride fly down, and they drive their new car both ways… but take Fiance (their son) along on the way down, BUT only if you guys pay half the gas?  Wow, that is one for the books, they won’t even drive their son to his own Wedding free of charge… ya FRUGAL is being way too kind.

 

Post # 9
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You need to stop comparing them with your parents. You two are adults and they aren’t obligated to put one cent our for your wedding. I think the fairest comprimise is splitting the gas since both of you were planning on driving down anyways. Both of you save money, and you get the added bonus of having your car driven home.

I also think FMIL has picked up on the fact that you don’t want to be in car with them and is giving you an polite out rather then being offended. You said you don’t really know them, so I suggest you do the best you can to get your relationship off to the right start with them. I don’t think your FMIL is being unreasonable. Recogize that they are different from your parents and they do things differently in their family doesn’t mean it’s bad or the wrong way to do things, it is just different.

As for what do with, in your op it sounded like they wanted to explore the area and do the tourist thing. Direct the to a hotel and perhaps get them some maps. Now would be the perfect time to work out these kinks. Let them know you will be busy,and make sure they know they will need a car for the week.

If this is turning into a bigger headache then it needs to be just let them stick to their orginals plans. Find another way to get your car home.

Post # 10
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If I were in your boots, I would do everything I could to avoid involving his parents in transportation at all. Can you leave your car in Ark. and pick it up on the way home?  Or fly yourselves both ways. Or have a friend or anyone else drive your car home. 

Sure, they’re doing you a favor, but they’re also getting a vehicle to drive home anyway. With all 4 of you, I can understand splitting the gas (maybeeee) but charging their son to drive him to his own wedding? what the eff. 

Post # 11
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you’re annoyed that they are so tight fisted which is why the idea of travelling with them and looking after them irks you so much. Tbh, I think I would be too. They’re his parents so they shouldn’t be making payment deals with you re: petrol…that just seems uneccessarily frugal. Offering to split the petrol cost with your FI, their son, as a separate option is just weird…surely driving there is their choice and they are just trying to benefit financially from the car share.

For the sake of forging a relationship wih them I’m actually tempted to suggest you travel with them. Once you’ve arrived give them a whole list of things they can do on their own using public transport in Arkansas…then get on with your own things.

Post # 12
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My FMIL has also insisted on coming out a full 5 days before the wedding, and I have had FI carefully explain to her that we will not be able to entertain her because we will have a bajillion details to iron out before the big day.  Just be clear about your expectations because you don’t want them getting mad that you didn’t show them around the town before the wedding! 

Can you and FI fly out and leave your car out of the equation?  Then they’re on their own.

Post # 13
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I love my FILs and I’m not sure I could handle a 17 hour car trip with them.  Is there even room in your car?  I don’t know what your situation is like, but I am getting married 6 hours from where I live (where my parents live) and everytime we go there, our car is packed with wedding things that need to go there.

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