Post # 1
So I have never had the best relationship with my FMIL but we are civil and things have been fine. She did kind of bother me at my bridal shower by closing her eyes during the entire present opening part even though my family kept looking at her like she was crazy rude, and she made a huge fuss about the games, saying she didn’t want to do them. But I ignored that and I thought things were fine.
Well she just called my FI (I was sitting next to him so I could hear everything) and absolutely lost it on him because she found out that some of the women at my bridal shower weren’t my aunts and she can’t believe they are invited to the wedding!?! They are my moms closest friends, but are practically my aunts as they have been there for me since I was born, and we celebrate every birthday and major holiday together and I go out for dinner with them fairly often. They aren’t just random colleagues of my mom’s they are like family to me.
Well she decides that because these people are coming that she can invite numerous people she works with! Not people she even sees outside of work, or people that my FI has met. Just complete randoms, simply because my mom will have people she’s friends with there. Now, if she had asked nicely months ago we would have been fine letting her have a friend at the wedding, but she left it until now. Invites have already been mailed out, budgets have been set and I have ordered speciifc number of items for centerpieces and everything, and she expects us to just add 4 random people to our guestlist which would mean another table has to be added! That’s over $500 more and she isn’t helping financially at all, or even helping with anything for that matter, even though she is completely loaded. We’re students and are paying for 90% of the wedding ourselves, except we were very lucky that my family was so generous and has offered to help as much as they can when I know they can’t even afford to do that.
But the real thing that made me furious is that she specifically told FI (because she didn’t know I was in the room) not to tell me, because she knew I would be angry. Umm excuse me?! Last I checked, it was our wedding, not hers, and any additions to the budget are discussed between both of us. Did she honestly think he would just add people to the list and I wouldn’t notice? We are having a small wedding, with only 80 people and we have limited it to close family and very close friends. Not just random ppl neither of us have met.
Am I crazy, or is this absolutely rediculous of her to expect this of us just two months before our wedding? I purchased everything for our tables already and would have to make an extra trip to the stores two hours away to purchase one extra centerpiece. it’s just not something we have time or money to do right now!
So please give me your opinions bees, because I think she’s lost it and don’t know what to say to her!
Post # 3
Oops, forgot to add the part that really upset my FI. She told him that if he didn’t invite her friends that she would leave as soon as the first dance was over because there was no reason for her to be there. Seriously?! Selfish much? ugh 🙁
Post # 4
Did she fall down and hit her head? Your fiance needs to tell his mom, “I’m sorry mom, but it is impossible to send out these invites. The other invites have already gone out and we don’t have room in the budget. I am sorry if you had told us earlier in the planning process we would have been able to accomodate you. At this point if you want to invite these guests, you are going to have to pay for them.” But your fiance definitely needs to take the lead on this.
Post # 5
Wow, I am so so sorry that you and FI have to deal with this- totally unfair and mean spirited…
My first reaction is to say don’t let her threathen you guys…can FI explain that these women are extremely close family friends and not just acquaintances?
It seems though, that logic and reason may not work with her.
I’m sorry I don’t have more helpful advice- honestly sometimes people that are this difficult can’t often be reasoned with…Does FI have any ideas since he knows his mom best?
Post # 6
@Kcoleybear: you are absolutely right, FI needs to take charge and handle this assertively.
Post # 7
@Evie19: Yes I have found with my frequent and often not so nice dealings with my FMIL that is always 100% better when fiance takes the lead.
Post # 8
lol Yeah, he is definitely going to be in charge of this one. I stopped answering the phone when she calls, it’s now up to him. Evie19: He did try to explain to her that they were like family and they weren
t just random friends of my moms but it didnt do much good 🙁 . My FI has even been invited over to their houses, so he is close with them now too. His mom
s friends have never even met FI so they would be complete strangers. Shes just so difficult to deal with and asking her to cover her friends will just cause her to blow up even more and say it
s not fair cuz my parents werent told the same. My parents did however, financially help far more than an amount that would have covered their friends 😛
I think we will give her a bit of time to calm down and then he can call her back. She was just so rude and hurtful on the phone that he just wanted to stop talking to her. She has lots of family coming but she doesn
t seem to get along with anyone and said that they dont count as people she can talk to.
She was also complaining that she won
t have anyone to dance with cuz her boyfriend doesnt dance. She
s still better off than my parents who are both single so I dont get what her point is there.
So frustrating, but I definitely like what you suggested to say to her Kcoleybear. Thanks for the advice!
Post # 9
sorry, not sure what happened to my text.
Post # 10
OP, I don’t know if you guys plan on having kids, but someone needs to remind your FMIL that the daughter-in-law is the keeper of the grandkids!
I think you are totally justified in feeling pissed off, but no one wants a family WWIII before their wedding. Have you had any guests decline yet? Maybe your FI can talk to his mom and appease her by saying that the guest list is full, but if some guests cancel, you will try to work in her additional guests.
And I agree with PP – FI should take the lead on this one. Good luck!
Post # 11
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I also have a mil from hell. Honestly, I wouldn’t allow her to bring her friends, unless of course she’s going to pay for them or at least contribute to your wedding. She has no say who does and doesn’t get invited.
Post # 12
INSANE!!!! I hope your FI told her that if she had something to say that she KNEW would make you angry, the correct response was to NOT SAY IT AT ALL!!! He is not going to keep secrets from his WIFE just so his mother isn’t exposed for being selfish and petty!
OP, I hope your wedding is beautiful and I hope someone slips your MIL a xanax!