Post # 1
THis weekend I leave for Georgia to visit my FI who is in the army. Haven’t seen him in a month, so I’m super excited!! Anyway, his mom who I’ve had issues with in the past, just sent me a text saying:
“Are you renting a car? We can pay for it. We don’t want him to be late for work. We’ve all been there. OK to take our help”
I just never know why she has to get so involved. For one, if we wanted to rent a car we definitely have the means to do it, and secondly, we dont want to because i really do want to wake up with him every morning while i’m there and drive him to work and back to spend time with him.. We have both graduated from college, have good jobs, are having a home built, and are almost debt free!
Bees, how would you guys respond to this message? How did you guys get your FMIL/MIL to let go?
Post # 3
I don’t know the history behind this text, but to me it just looks like she’s concerned that you have everything you need. I would just respond with a “No thanks, we’ve got it covered, but thanks for the thought.”
Post # 5
She just seems concerned Why so defensive?
I would decline politely and be sure to thank her.
Post # 6
Yeah you’re right. that’s probably the best way to respond and she probably is just wanting to make sure that we have everything we need, but we DO!! We have communicated this to her on numerous occasions, but she just doesn’t seem to get it.
Thank you for reminding me that she’s probably just concerned though
Post # 7
@MissMeeksy: It’s just a parent thing. My husband’s family lives a ferry ride away. We walk on for like $13 each, each way. And EVERY time we go there his parents try to give us $50 bucks for “expenses”. We make more money than they do. We by no means need them to pay for our visits, but they just like to feel needed.
I was at a comedy club a few weeks ago, and then stand up lady was doing a bit about how as long as your mom’s around, you’ll never be old enough to clean up broken glass. You probably had to be there, but I laughed so hard, because it’s so true. A glass gets dropped in my mom’s kitchen and she goes into extreme protective mode telling everybody not to move, and squawking at me when I try to pick up the big pieces with a bare hand, but then she’ll dive right in.
Just thank her for thinking of you and be glad she loves you guys enough that you’re on her mind 🙂
Post # 8
@MissMeeksy: I’ve been in a similar situation with FMIL. Though we’re not rich, FI worked/was lucky enough to get a great job. His income is more than double the median where we live (we live in a relatively low-income area). I’m not rolling in dough, but my income’s just a bit below the household median where we live.
My FMIL is also the type to, on various trips, text with, “Stop at a hotel, we’ll pay for it.”
Really, the only way to handle them is to firmly say, “We can cover it, thanks,” or “We’re fine, thanks for the offer.”
Do you have to deal with her often? As passive-aggressive as it might seem, I’ve found that taking my time to reply to FMIL and being brief in my messages to her has helped a lot. She’s less likely now to offer unsolicited advice/help as often. The more responsive I am to her…the more she drives me nuts.
Post # 9
My FMIL is the same way; she’s just trying to take care of you.
Post # 10
haha my parents are not into giving us handouts or paying our bills. Interestingly enough the only time they forgo this is if we go out to eat or on vacation or some thing like that then they revert to parent/child and they pick up the tab for everyone. That is a grand total of fourteen of us five of us “kids”, five grand kids, 3inlaws and 1 . Thankfully it’s very rare that they can wrangle all of us to make a trip or dinner at the same time.
Anyways like others have said it seems harmless and I think you reading way too much into it.Unless there are other issues and instances that make you think so, I don’t think she trying to imply you are broke or anything.