(Closed) SERIOUSLY?! I work SO hard for THIS kind of treatment?!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
9618 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Holy cow, I would be pissed!!!!!!!

Post # 5
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m sorry this is happening. I would recommend a daily chore chart where each of you cross off what’s been done every day. You can have the chores scheduled on each of your days off. With the chart, he will see it it being done by both of you each week. Sending hugs!!

Post # 6
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

He sounds spoiled. It’s hard to unspoil someone, even if they mean well and can see that they are spoiled and want to change. It is possible, but that takes time and effort on both parts.

The first thing to figure out is whether he even wants to change. Right now he doesn’t see a problem (beyond things not being done even faster for him), but sit down and have a heart-to-heart, just the two of you. It’s possible that once he really understands that he hasn’t been pulling his full weight, he’ll want to change.

It won’t happen overnight at that point, but both of you will have agreed on a goal – that he does more around the house – and together you can make sure that happens. Some people may remain immature forever, but for most of us, we realize that “we all have to grow up sometime”, and don’t do it grudgingly. As much as we don’t want to be taken advantage of by our partner, we don’t want to be the one taking advantage, either – that’s not very loving and mature. But bad habits are hard to break, that’s what takes the time. Patience and persistence works. Unlike fruit, people can un-spoil 🙂

Good luck!

Post # 7
4794 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I’d be pretty annoyed! I definitely second the chore chart idea. You can have it categorized by what you’ll do what days or what you’ll do whenever you get around to it each week or whatever works for you. He needs to lighten up!

Post # 8
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh, just want to add: Please do this when you are feeling calm and cool-headed and with a generous heart. If you approach it like he is your adversary he will respond on the defensive. Approach it more like you and he are on the same team and the team is running up against a problem you need to solve together.


Post # 9
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Here’s a solution: Get yourself a calendar and place it prominently where it can be seen. Say, the fridge. Whenever you complete a chore, write it on the calendar, marking when it was completed. If he chooses to add what he’s done to the calendar too, you both can see who’s contributing what to the household chores.

That should help bring some perspective.

Or, tell him to do his laundry, and you do your own. That will solve that battle.

Post # 10
365 posts
Helper bee

Ugh, I would’ve been beyond offended if he was dismissing me based on that “nagging” bit. 

I agree with keeping a log for a while. Maybe he really has no concept of how much you’re doing. 

Post # 11
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Peony007:  I second this. 

Is your Fiance not doing much because he feels its a womans place to keep the house?  I have a friend that went through a similar situation.  Her Fiance wasn’t working, would drop her to work everyday and take her car then wanted her to get off work and cook, clean, and do laundry.  When she brought up the fact that he was at home all day and she was tired when she got home, he told her that that’s stuff a woman should.

Hopefully he isn’t thinking that way and a chart can help.  My husband and I just does whatever needs to be done around the house.  I do however prefer cleaning the bathroom myself.

Post # 12
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

What a douche! My Fiance isn’t the best with cleaning, but he certainly doesn’t expect me to do it all (even though I do because I’m an OCD clean freak). My Fiance at least does his own laundry! 

I say you stop doing shit and see how he likes it. It isn’t just your job to do all the housework. Start by stopping with his laundry! THat is DEFINITELY something you do not need to be doing. 

If he doesn’t like your cleaning (or lack thereof) he can do it himself!

Post # 13
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Maybe you guys should just hire a maid. If neither of you has a lot of time to devote to cleaning, and would prefer to spend that time in other ways, and if it’s become difficult for each of you to recognize what the other contributes to the household, then a maid might be a very worthwhile use of your money.  Having someone come in once or twice a week to do the heavier cleaning not only means it’s getting done so no more arguements over it, but also leaves each of you with a lot less to keep on top of throughout the week.

Post # 14
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@StuporDuck:  Yeh, I agree. Don’t do HIS laundry. Then, you keep your stuff clean, and his stuff can just get nasty.

Post # 15
1614 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My fiance has NEVER EVER complained about the housework, even when I has been majorly slacking…he’s being very jerk-like & I would re-evaluate things & make sure you can handle a guy like that long term!!! If he has time to complain he has time to do it…laundry takes a couple of minutes…I mean, c’mon? In our house, I do all the housework and he does NOTHING…and we both like it that way….he takes the trash out, and cooks dinner once in a while, or gets it started for me, (like if I’m on my way home, I’ll have him put on a pot of water to boil or something like that). I told him, his home responsibilities are to take the trash out, kill all bugs, fix stuff, the yard, & Tackle burglers. Thats it. I also ask that he not make my job any harder, & pick up after himself. Like put his clothes in the hamper, his dishes in the sink, etc. He pays the bills and I do the house work. Have you considered hiring a maid??? Its nice to have if you ever get behind, and I REALLY REALLY like my house to always be clean & presentable, so this was a good solution for us for when life got in the way…even if its just once a month, to get you caught up. Its sooooooo worth the money. Good Luck!

Post # 16
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m curious about the answers to your question of bringing a topic up without sounding like you’re nagging.  My boyfriend works a lot (average of 12hr workdays 6 days a week and a few hours on his day “off”) so he doesn’t like to be stressed out when he’s not at work.  He thinks that whenever I bring up a topic that is even potentially stressful that I’m nagging him, and asks “why would even say something like that?”

Sorry if this seemed like thread jacking… I just want the same advice you’re looking for!

The topic ‘SERIOUSLY?! I work SO hard for THIS kind of treatment?!’ is closed to new replies.

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