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I fail to see the problem. Do you need to pick her up from the airport? Vegas Hotels are big enough that you won't necessarily see her. Who cares what she booked, keep the time for yourself.
I don't think this is necessarily an issue. Personally I feel if your having a DW there has to be some expectation that people will stay longer. We will have the same thing happen in that a lot of people are using my wedding as there vacation. Now if she starts saying you all should hang out and plan dinner/breakfast dates thats an issue.
Just because she is there, doesn't mean you have to entertain her. Its likely she figured that she would also take an extra day or two to spend with her husband or to see the sites if she is going to be there anyway. I would let it go since I dont see it as being a problem or a slight towards you.
EDIT: Inquire as to what her plans are. If she says she has plans, then nothing to worry about. If she says "to be with you two" kindly let her know that "this day" new husband and I plan on being together but you are sure to have lots of fun the rest of the time with her.
Why did she specifically tell you to book extra time for you and him to be alone if she is going to be there too?
I agree with the other ladies. She might have decided to have some extra time for herself as well. "Don't borrow trouble" as the saying goes. Unless she's trying to arrange things for all of you to do in those days I wouldn't consider it a problem. :)
Vegas hotels are HUGE...unless she managed to book a room right next to yours I wouldn't expect "foul play". If she brings it up, just make it clear that she shouldn't have the expectation of spending any time with you guys on your "extra" days b/c you plan on having some couple time.
Hi Jamaica Bride,
Knowing her - if we get our room first, those will be her intentions.
=(
@lonelystar63: Oh man...in that case I would call the hotel and let them know that you would like your reservation information to be kept confidential. You can also make sure that you aren't booked in the same tower as your FMIL.
What's on her schedule of events? Do they involve you? Before you jump to the conclusion that she's doing this to be around you maybe she's just really excited to go on a vacation? She may have absolutely no interest in hanging out with you guys.
Having worked at a hotel for a few years they are absolutely not allowed to tell you who is staying with them w/o a confirmation number so I doubt she'd be able to get your room info unless you gave that to her as well.
Could u give her a call and tell her your thinking of changing your dates and coming in earlies? See if that sparks something in her, like does she get mad or does she not care? if she doesn't care than that would lead me to believe she has no intention of spending that time with you. Just a thought.
If I were her, I would probably book the same hotel as well. Its a BIG town and a long walk to meet up with people. I would want to be close as well. She may be over-bearing, but I dont see anything she has done (at least the way its being presented here) as malicious, annoying maybe, but not bad.
I would stress again to let her know which day or days are for you and your husband and let her know and suggest something she can do those days without you, if she hasn't already planned it.
FI and I stayed in the same hotel room as FI's parents and we hardly saw them..(they like to gamble until morning) FI's dad likes to go to vegas and FI is his ride. I would say she may just have wanted to have some time for herself too. Even if she did intend to join you..you can easily avoid her in Vegas..she'll have plenty of slots to keep her company..
@lefeymw
You may not have seen the post where I stated that she knew all the troubles we were having finding the hotel for "US". She knew that we wanted it to be like OUR time together and put alot of money into staying at this particular hotel. Bellagio. I also gave both sets of parents information on hotels around us.
She said she did this because she wanted a nice hotel. Caesers Palace is RIGHT across the street and LESS expensive.
GOD HELP ME!!!!
personally i would have picked the Bellagio as well, its a better hotel and IT. IS. HUGE!
ANd she already has the schdule of events planned from the time she arrives until we leave
does this not mean that she already has plans for herself? if so i dont see what the problem is - am i missing something??
Not trying to rain on your parade but the Bellagio isn't exactly an unknown hotel that you had to search around to find. If you had searched and searched and decided on a small off the beaten path inn (something I doubt they have in Vegas) than yes sure thats creepy that she would pick the same place but its not, it was the setting for a super popular movie!
I can't say that I think its weird or sucks that she's staying in the same hotel b/c its massive and it could be like she's not. If she tries to plan her trip around you and your FH then yes thats wrong, but it seems like the women just wants to stay in a nice hotel! Back to the planning what is on her schedule of events?
Ok... Tell the hotel the situation and that you specifically DON"T want to be next to or near your FMIL. Then plan YOUR days the way you want to and if that means time to yourselves in the hotel room or a drive in the city then stick to your guns about that. What does your FI have to say about all of this?
@smith2be:
I had made it pretty clear that we didn't want other people staying at our hotel. My parents didn't book their rooms their because we took a long time deciding this was the ONE for us.
Is Caesers Palace not just as nice, and for cheaper - you would think she could have chosen that one.
Back to the planning, yes she gets in at 4:00 pm then she has dinner planned at so & so for all of us on HER FIRST NIGHT. also OUR FIRST NIGHT!!!!!!!!! then the next day she plans on going to the court house and chapel with us, and lunch reservations.
Like I said, I am just annoyed because she could have booked anywhere, I don't understand why she had to choose the same hotel as us, and the same days.
we didn't want other people staying at our hotel.
hehehe im sorry but its not "your" hotel - its a hotel that has rooms for sale to every single member of the buying public
i really think you are over obsessing about this - why dont you say politely to her "thanks for reminding us that we need alone time during our trip, you are completely right, its very important to us. so what have you got planned for yourself without us?"
@lonelystar63: Those are HER plans and don't have to be yours at all. Just plan things differently based on her itinerary for the times that you want private time. Again, I'd ask what your FI has to say about all of this? To reiterate, she can only make plans for you and your FI *if you allow her to!*
Have your FH tell her sorry but we have other plans, OUR plans adn you can't make the dinners, etc. Focus on that and not the hotel thing.
Sorry but you can't call dibs on an entire hotel...
@eloping:
When were only having immediate family (his parent & my parents) I think it is an option that it CAN be our hotel.
@dodgercpkl:
Don't you think that for my 5 days I shouldn't have to re-arrange my schdule for what she has already planned for us. I should be the one saying what we are all doing. Not going by her rules.
@dodgercpkl:
Sorry forgot to answer that FI doesn't understand why she booked there either. He e-mailed her and told her of the concerns and how it was meant to be our special hotel for US. Let her know that he was bothered that she would do that when my parents are not staying there. He is upset by her actions but "thinks" what can we do now but let her know.
She said it was because its nice - HELLO there are 50 other hotels around us that are nice. Including Caesers Palace.
I am trying to avoid confrontation with her because it is the Holidays, one BIG reason I think she didn't wait until after the Holidays to tell us.
I hear you, but I think you should try to focus on the plans (as mentioned above) because I don't think that you're going to win the hotel argument.
If you were upfront with her with regards to the fact that this is your time too, this shouldn't be an issue. If you don't want to have dinner with her, simply say "I'm really sorry, but we have reservations at another location that night. We'll see you at the wedding." Maybe pick one thing out of the things that she has scheduled for you and after that, do your own thing.
We had a similar issue (but again, it was about the plans, not about lodging). Just decide what you're willing to do or not do and stick to it.
Your big argument is that there are tons of other hotels to choose. Well don't you think she chose the same hotels for probably the same reason you did? Because its the nicest or one she'd be most comfortable in?
I'm honestly having a hard time seeing why this upsets you so much...if you could provide more details on why you want to be the only ones at that hotel that would be helpful. I just don't think it makes it any less special if someone else stays there.
@lonelystar63: I'm not saying it doesn't suck that she's trying to be involved in what seems like all aspects of this, but you have basically 2 choices: You can choose to let this bother you (whether it's because you go along with her plans or whether it's because you change yours) or you can choose to shrug it off and just be happy about the fact that you are getting married to your man (again whether you go with her being involved in the plans you've already made or whether you choose to change plans to have some alone time).
The cat's out of the bag and she knows what your plans are. She's choosing to try and put herself into those plans and again, it's up to you and your FI (key words there since I've still not heard what your FI thinks of all of this) as to whether you allow her to impose herself on things or not.
EDIT: I see the response you made in regards to your FI, so disregard the mention of not hearing what he thinks again.
I'm going to stick with my advice in that the cat is out of the bag and she knows where you are staying now and apparently knows about your plans. I know you wanted to schedule things and she's appearing to be taking those things over, but you do have the option to simply change your plans.
I wish I had better advice than this, but I think at this point you are between a rock and a hard place and the best thing to do is to figure out a way to get past this for your own happiness.
Quick question... I know you spent time choosing this hotel and the Bellagio is a nice place, but is there a reason you couldn't change that now that you know your MIL has her reservations set? There are some gorgeous hotels just out of town on Lake Las Vegas. Something like that would give you privacy and a gorgeous hotel!
Anyway... best of luck.... I hope you figure something out!
@dodgercpkl:
Yes I really am because I don't know how to handle the situation at all. And I would change my hotel but the FI said that we are staying there because it is the one we wanted. He doesnt want to be back at square 1 with all of it.
have you ever been to vegas before? bellagio is seriously a huge hotel. you wont run into her unless you guys are staying in the same tower...seriously. the hotels on the strip are like cities. i would be less concerned with her staying at the same hotel and more concerned that she plans to spend 5 days in vegas alone. in my mind, the fact that all aspects of her trip overlap yours means she's planning to third wheel you guys all week.
did you book a wedding package or honeymoon suite at the hotel? if yes, leave word that no one should disturb you and none of your info should be shared.
good luck. honestly, i think its a bit far fetched that no one is allowed to stay at this hotel but you guys. BUT, you are the bride and if my son and DIL only request was that i not stay in the same hotel i would have honored it.
I still don't understand why this upsets you...do you think "sharing" the hotel makes it less special??
Were you planning on allowing the parents to go to the chapel with you the entire time or is that something you wanted private? You should be making the scheduling plans but telling her where to stay I just don't get.
@June42011:
I am not sure how to answer this question. I feel like she knew we didn't want our parents staying at the same hotel as us. So in a way I think it is less special for us because now she will be there the entire time.
On the other hand I know this is the hotel that we picked so it will be special to us.
It upsets me because it is just rude. We didn't want anyone staying there - Caesers palace is right across the street. SHe didn't have to pick the same hotel.
Hi,
As you mentioned you are only having both sets of parents there and her husband has passed away she'd probably going to be by herself most of the time if she is not with you so maybe this is why she wants to arrange things so she is not alone all of the time. Maybe you could ask her if she would like to bring a friend or a member of the family if maybe she has a sister or something. I know you may only want parents at the wedding but it could make it a lot easier for you if she has someone with her.
i would suggest to her that she should bring a friend, or a sister or someone. 5days alone in vegas sounds a little boring, unless she's gambling the whole time.
There's several reasons she may have booked it and they have absolutely NOTHING to do with pissing you off:
1) She doesn't want to be too far from you two. She is coming alone. She could keep company the same way with your parents, but she is closer and feels more comfortable with her own son obviously.
2) She wants to bond with you two as a couple. Especially with you, her new DIL.
3) She is giving herself a mini-vacation and using your wedding as an excuse for doing that. She knows that this mini vacation might get lonely so she has you two as a buffer to spend a day or two with.
4) She is honouring your wishes by NOT bringing a friend with her. Because then this friend will also accompany her to your wedding and you will end up having to feed them. MIL doesn't want to burden you financially like that.
5) She wants to be there incase you two need her help with anything wedding related. (I.e. coordinating with chapel, reconfirming dinner reservations, or just about any other administrative task.) Some women go about helping in unconventional ways. Trust me.
I'm sorry you're upset. I actually understand. You specifically told us that she told you guys to make sure you had alone time and then she ups and books in the same hotel as you when there were countless other choices that could have been close to you, yet far enough away. I totally get that !
This is your once-in-a-lifetime wedding and you stated too that her son is upset as well.
Well then hon, there is nothing left to do but make sure your fiance tells her that you and him are looking forward to the "private time" that she herself suggested !
Good luck hon !
i completely understand how you are feeling and why you are irritated over something that seems petty. you've probably had issues with your FMIL being passive/aggressive and overbearing. one word of advice, BE THE BIGGER PERSON.
there are situations where it is your hubby's job to step up and say the right thing (which i think he has in this situation). and there are other times where it's not even worth your time to waste your energy on being upset. no matter what, nothing will make you feel better unless she books a room elsewhere, and it doesn't look that's a possibility at this point.
take yourself out of the situation and look from a 3rd party perspective... you don't want to ruin your DW weekend over something as minor as this right? don't let her get in the way of what will be an amazing weekend...
as far as her games and tactics and sly moves... they won't ever go away, all you can control is how to communicate with her about it and also how you will react to it.
Thank you all for the words of advice. I just hope that we can have a good Holiday. I am not too excited about spending it there this year.
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So we have booked our flight and hotel for Vegas.! I let both sets of parents know of hotels "around" us, we wanted everyone to be close.This was a month ago!!!
My mother in law told us that we need some time alone in Vegas for ourselves and to make sure we book an extra day at the beginning or end for ourselves. Well we did just that. Booked a Sunday and a Thursday exrta for just the FI and I.
Well last Friday I got an e-mail from her stating that she booked the SAME days for her flight ------ and the same HOTEL for her stay.
I really don't know what to think right now. Am I taking things to seriously or is this whole situation just crazy. I feel like I shouldn't have to be dealing with this kind of issue during my "wedding week".=(
Help me out bees.
Hmmm.. Maybe I should have also stated that she is going ALONE, her husband/FI dad passed away when he was 2. ANd she already has the schdule of events planned from the time she arrives until we leave - were leaving before her on THURSDAY!
She knew where we were staying. She also knew all of the trouble we were going through to find "OUR" special hotel and plan our "SPECIAL" trip. Now when I give her all of the details I find out that she is booking the same exact dates and same exact hotel.
It wouldnt be a problem for me if she didn't specifically state that we needed time for ourselves.... then SHE booked the same days.
Maybe I do sound rediculous - but you don't know her. She hounded us for a month to figure our stuff out so that she could book her stuff. Am I completely blind as to not think it was because she wanted everything her way!
I keep hearing that it doesn't matter the hotel is big, how can it not matter? It is the principle behind it. She knew what we wanted for ourselves and OUR time.