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I think you are going to hurt some feelings (and most likely permanently damage relationships) by doing this. Your MOH is supposed to be who you are closest to, not who is there to help you the most. You asked your sister to be your MOH, case closed. I think that just because she won't know how to bustle your dress and is being "slightly difficult" is no reason to make her a bridesmaid, instead of MOH.
How difficult would it be to change the programs? Are the dresses different? Would it create any family drama to demote your sister? I would think it would be easier and slightly less family dramatic to have a maid of honor and a matron of honor, then just have your friend stand where the MOH would stand.
It sounds like your friend would have been a good choice, but is it too late? Won't it strain your relationship with your sister if you demote her 2 months before the wedding? Maybe you could talk to her first about how you're feeling and let her know you want her to be more involved and supportive before you just straight up give her the boot from being your MOH.
@tksjewelry: Ah, that's a good idea. Have a maid and a matron! Tks always knows what to do. ;)
I would keep things as is and tell your friend how much you appreciate all she has done for you.
ETA: does your sister perhaps not know what's expected of her? I'm thinking maybe she doesn't realize that she needs to help with the bustle or know you'd like her helping you with things while your other friend just naturally is inclined to be supportive in that way.
I understand. My thing is, everything that has been asked of my sister has just been done waaaaay tooo slow for my taste. For examples, the dresses are the same just slightly different colors. We are paying for the dress. We asked that everyone get fitted by a certain date so that we could go ahead and pay for everything. All others did it, my sister didnt get fitted for antoher month. This delayed my whole order. Everything I have asked her to do she sounds as if she doesnt want to and doesnt care. When I approach her about it she ignores me then tells my mother that she doesnt mean to hurt my feelings or make me feel like the wedding is not importnat but "she has so much going on right now". This is just too much for me. Its not just the bustle, its the emotion behind it. I do like the idea of having a maid and a matron now... that might be what I do...
I don't know I kind've have mixed feelings. I feel like you chose your sister over your bestie....why did you do so? I would think prior to the wedding, I would know whos personality and relationship would work best to my MOH. I don't think you should turn around now, especially if it will ruffle feathers and cause a lot of drama. It's your prerogative so do what's best for your wedding, would be my best advice!
DO NOT demote your sister and promote your friend - well you can promote your friend, but definitely don't demote your sister. That will lead to hurt feelings and lots of drama, not to mention it's very rude. You shouldn't pick your MOH based on what she can and can't do for you. Also, I don't understand this:
@MrsMartin0422: When I approach her about it she ignores me then tells my mother that she doesnt mean to hurt my feelings or make me feel like the wedding is not importnat but "she has so much going on right now". This is just too much for me. Its not just the bustle, its the emotion behind it. I do like the idea of having a maid and a matron now... that might be what I do...
Perhaps she DOES have a lot going on in her life! Have you asked her about it lately? Her life isn't on hold just because you're getting married. I don't understand how "it's too much for you" that she has a life and how there is a bad emotion behind it.
EDIT: Your sister also doesn't have to do anything but get the dress, show up clean and sober, and be a witness. You can ask for help or she can offer, but it's not required of her and you shouldn't be upset with her or demote her because of that.
@RunsWithBears: Maybe I didnt word that correctly. Here is the thing. I know about the "things going on in herlife" that she is refering to and the way I see it there is a way to do everything. If she didnt want to do these things with me, that is all she had to say. That has not been the case. Everything that I have done for this wedding has been on my own (with the exception of the two times my friend came from out of town) so i have no problem doing things alone. The problem is that she will pretend to be interested then flake. She says things that make it obvious she doesnt care one way or the other. I am not sure if it was intentional but your comment made it seems as though I am all consumed and that it is all about me. That is not the case. It is actually the opposite. I have taken everything about her situation into account and have gone out of my way to help her. I really only chose her because she is my sister. I have bought her dress, bought the flower girl's dress (her daughter) and a few other things that she should have been paying for. I understand complete. My problem is when she flakes on me. Her "trip" out of town never even happened. She told me she was leaving and never did. All of the fun moments that I was hoping to have with my sister are not happening because everything I plan, she skips out on at the last minute. Her whole attitude about the wedding is not the one that you would hope your MOH would have and I am really getting tired of it.
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Ok ladies... i really need some advice!
I have chosen my slightly younger sister as my matron of honor. I did not choose a maid of honor because I didnt see the point of having both. Since day one, my best friend (of 14 years) has been the biggest help and has really been there for everything. She is even coming in town for my dress fitting so that she will know how to bustle my dress. My sister on the other hand, is trying to get out of town for that day. She has been slightly difficult and I dont know what to do. I have already finished my programs but I am thinking about making my best friend my maid of honor and just let my sister be another bridesmaid. What do you think?