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I did last minute invites. It wasn't for a gift grab though. I really wanted to keep the wedding to 200 ppl and as family dropped out, it freed up space. They were people a really wanted there but just didn't initally have space. So maybe give her the benefit of the doubt?
I also had 24 no shows, which really PISSED me off, so I get how the little things are sometimes frustrating.
It's super weird, so I'm not trying to justify her behavior, but I think she may not be just fishing for gifts here.
Maybe she just felt super weird after talking with you on the phone. You obviously alluded to the fact that someone shouldn't be invited to the shower that's not invited to the wedding, so maybe she felt stupid and was trying to set it right.
I think maybe you were on what could be called a "B list". She has to limit the number of guests, but as people RSVP'd no, it freed up room for her to invite you.
I think she cares about you since she invited you to her shower and stuff. I don't think she means to gift grab.
last minute invites i get, I even had an a and b list which was done discreetly (they were literally just a week apart, since i just was waiting on a few people to RSVP no that i knew werent coming but had to make sure i had space) and the people that were B list i called and told them ahead of time about the family issue and it was well before the wedding. but 2 days to RSVP? and only after i said something did she send an invite.
and also she already knows im on vacation the weekend of her wedding as well.
i just find it hard to believe that its just not a gift grab. the shower invite a week in advance? the wedding invite that she knows i cant go to that has a 2 day RSVP?
i get a message from the bride asking if i got the invite to the shower and bach....... i said .... and you shouldnt invite folks to the shower who arent invited to the wedding.
how did she respond to this? i was hoping you were invited but the invite went awol
Maybe she forgot to send you an invite? And after your comment, realized she never sent you one?
Either way, I would be super annoyed too.
@eloping: she didnt really respond to it - she changed the subject. then at the end of the convo she asked me for my address - which is annoying as well since i know she knows my address, i got a christmas card and birthday card from her in the past few months and ive lived in the same place for years.
and i dont plan on saying anything to her because i would think THAT would be rude, but i just wanted to know if i was crazy or not.
@spaganya: OMG she then ASKED for you address?? I changed my mind...she sent an invite to cover her rudeness.
Ewww. That would SO rub me the wrong way!!
oh my. it does seem like she just wants the gifts. i understand a list and b list (i even have a c list) but i sent invites in may, went to b list as soon as i got a few nos and im just now getting to my c list. but i didnt have a bridal shower and im only having a small hens party when the wedding party gets into town for the wedding. but at the same time in not expecting gifts (im hoping for them but if i dont get them then whatever)
she changed the subject. then at the end of the convo she asked me for my address -
ouch!
and she did the same thing to two other friends in our circle. (didnt invite to wedding invited to shower, talked to me oops now theres an invite in the mail - one of the friends she didnt even invite her fiance either.)
I might not follow your post about who said what to whom (My read is that you told the bride in question that she shouldn't have invited you to her showers w/o inviting you to her wedding), but consider that she invited you to try to repair the offense, not to get a present.
Showers are traditional, but they are gift grabs. It's kind of the whole point. I didn't have one for that reason, but I'm certainly not offended if someone else does. I was personally hosting my own small destination wedding, and my mom and others wanted to have a shower for me with the (not invited) ladies from the town where I grew up, but I declined. I had to keep my guest list limited to my family and just a couple of friends, and so many people that meant a lot to me did not get on the A list or any list. If I expanded the list a little, I hope that the people whose invites came a little later would realize that it meant that they were still extremely special to me to have gotten one.
Or maybe she just wants your money. You'd know better than us.
@Melini: i see what you mean, but this isnt a small wedding, and the shower invite was pretty much an afterthought - its out of town and was a week in advance of the date.
i know a shower is a gift grab - but you cant expect someone to be happy to give you $$ on short notice, after you already havent invited them to the wedding.
honestly i think she just wants my $$. she was registered at honeyfund.... for a shower.
@PinkPinstripes: thank you LOL
honestly girls thanks for the responses. i just felt i had to vent to someone because i cant say any of this to her. i just think its insane that she thinks that no one would see this as rude, or that she doesnt even care that it might be seen as rude?
send her a card with a note saying you have donated $$$ to a charity in her honor
It is most certainly rude. There are a lot of blunders in her attempts to include you.
Either way, I'd just politely decline again. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt, but it seems that if you were simply a b-list guest (rude in its own right) you wouldn't have been invited to the pre-events.
But if she didn't knowI'd think when you mentioned her faux pas, that she would have been more surprised, or asked oh really? or something.
@spaganya: What's a honeyfund?
Like I said...you definitely know best. I'm glad the vent helped. I misread that she had guest-list issues. There are so many people that I would have loved to invite if I was a zillionaire and though she might be similar.
@eloping: I wish wb had a like button. Your last comment made me giggle
@eloping: OMG im totally doing that.
@Melini: its an account folks log into to send money to you - you can assign things values like "a night out on the town" or "mani-pedi" but basically you are just sending money to the couple.
I think that she had room freed up and still wanted you to be able to go. You don't have to go, but she did invite you. I don't think it was a cash/gift grab at all, it sounds like she did want to include you but didn't have the seating. Our wedding was mainly family (divorced parents made for 3 families) and we didn't have a lot of space for friends that weren't our best friends.
If you're that insulted though, just say no and move on. :)
@eloping: ROFL.
After your first post, I was willing tro say... maybe she's just clueless. But after your updates, nope. She's just rude.
I think she was rude. Definitely. I do have some "b-listers" but as RSVPS come back I plan on sending an invite and calling them right away to let them know that we had very limited space, but some folks (family) have declined and I would be honored if they could make it. But 2 days before the rsvp? Um, no. Either she is clueless on even basic etiquette or gift-grabbing. Not sure which, but her behavior is not really acceptable to me. Just IMHO.
Eeewwww... I can't believe she did that. It's not just you; she's totally covering her butt.
I think she was covering her butt for one big reason: if she had intended on inviting you all along, she would have said something IN THAT MOMENT.
"Hey Gift Whore, you don't invite people to your shower that aren't invited to the wedding."
"We're actually planning on sending you an invitation tonight, we just found out we will have space. I'm so sorry that your shower invite arrived before your wedding invite, that was quite rude."
"Well ok then, let's all have cookies."
Instead she changed the subject and mailed you an invite after she hung up the phone. So tactless and so (gasp, dare I say this??) TACKY.
Ya I feel like this is a bit odd... and it obviously seems rude, but maybe she just wants her guest list to be full idk. But I think I would feel the same way you do.
I have to side on the "gift grabbing, butt covering" side of this one.
And did she really call her honeyfund "donations". I posted about a shower invite that did this recently, and it drove me up the wall. Getting married does not make you a charity, it's a GIFT, not a donation.
@MightySapphire: my thoughts exactly!
@SapphireSun: i believe the word was "contributions"
im gonna decline of course, and i am seriously thinking of donating to a charity. it would be either that or no gift/card at all. thats how offended i am... at least someone should benefit from it.
meh, yea, it's kinda rude but I wouldn't waste the energy being offended over something so indirect and, in the end, unimportant.
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wow. just wow. i have to vent somewhere since i wont say it to her because *that* would be rude.
back story: a friend who used to be a good friend who is now a causual friend is getting married. she said she was having a small wedding, so i wasn't expecting to be invited. no biggie - totally understand not a problem.
she sends out her invites and starts getting back RSVPs about 2 months ago.
last week i get an email from her MOH inviting me to her bachelorette and bridal shower. i politely decline since one, its a week away from the shower, and the bachelorette is on a day that i have already planned a good friend of mine's shower. plus, as a non invited person to the wedding - i was kind of offended then with the invite to the shower, one since it was obviously last minute, and really just seemed like a gift grab.
but i didnt mention that just politely declined to her MOH.
i get a message from the bride asking if i got the invite to the shower and bach. i said i did but had to decline and told her i was busy on both dates. she commented on my good friend's bridal shower and kinda hinted about it - i said yes its small since its a very small wedding, and you shouldnt invite folks to the shower who arent invited to the wedding.
i come home to check my mail today. theres an invite in the mail. to the wedding. it was mailed yesterday. the RSVP date is Friday. FRIDAY. for a wedding that is in less than 30 days.
i am so offended. why even send an invite at all? everything that has happened in the last couple weeks just makes me think the bride is out for gifts and money (since she even put the donation website above her wedding website on the *front of her invites)
either way, i cant go anyway since its the weekend of my anniversary and hubby and i are going on vacation. but i am so very offended that someone would be THIS obviously out for gifts.
maybe i am looking at this wrong, and if i am, someone please set me straight but come on now... is anybody kidding?
ok. vent over. i feel better - and at least now i wont blow up at her if i talk to her.