Post # 1
So we just got a “No” RSVP from Mr. Hedgies Uncle. Which was a bit strange. So I asked my FMIL if she knew what was up with that. And as it turns out his uncle have FMIL the excuse of “I don’t really like Texas and my wife doesn’t want to go on a diet”…. Uhm… HUH?!?! They live in AZ so I can see why the humidity would be a bit gross but it is you NEPHEWS wedding and it will be INDOORS. Also, he is a diehard Cowboys fan and we live 10 minutes away from the Mother-ship. AKA, Cowboys Mecca, AKA, His Stadium!!!! And he went to the first game they played in there. So he is caught in that lie. And we know they can afford it. They have (PLENTY OF) money and no kids. No that isn’t it. Also, who goes on a diet to be a guest at somebody’s wedding???? So the only thing we can think is that there is some family issue somewhere we don’t know about and they wont talk about. FMIL dictated that the going rate for not attending this wedding is $1,000. I doubt that will happen as it was mostly a way to get him to realize how stupid he is being. But… GAH! He has destroyed his relationship with Mr. Hedgie over this and doesn’t even get it.
People frustrate me.
Post # 3
@Ms Hedgehog:Well, maybe there’s something else going on. Maybe there are personal/marital issues happening. Who knows. Not really sure why this would “destroy” their relationship though. Is this uncharacteristic behavior of the uncle, or does he do this a lot? I mean it sucks, but sometimes people have personal issues going on.
Post # 4
Destroying a relationship because someone doesn’t travel a pretty good distance to come to your wedding is kind of extreme. I think a lot of women forget their wedding is not the center of everyone’s universe.
Post # 5
Yeah, why is it going to destroy the relationship? I mean being a bit upset about it maybe, but I don’t think it should be that severe. You never know what’s really going on in other people’s lives.
Post # 6
He probably has no idea that this really affects his nephew. I would have your FI call him and ask him why he can’t go. And if he uses that lame excuse, then he should say ‘Well, I see how important I am to you!’
I mean, that’s just rediculous.
Post # 7
I don’t want to come off as mean, but they don’t really owe you an explanation as to why they can’t come to the wedding. Their “no” RSVP should have been enough. There could be so many other things going on…I don’t think that you should ruin your FI’s relationship with his uncle b/c he decided not to come to your wedding.
Post # 8
I’m asking a lot of my guests to travel for my wedding. I know it can be upsetting when someone you feel very close with says they aren’t coming and you really don’t agree with there reasoning but its kind of something you just have to accept. My uncle isn’t coming to my wedding which surprised me considering he traveled 3 times this year to visit 2 different cousins (graduations and just a visit). He’s known about my wedding but obviously he felt it wasn’t that important. He still has not told me directly that he’s not coming (he’s only told my aunts/uncles) which really upsets me most. Him not coming to my wedding though does not make me think any less of him.
Post # 9
@Mrs Hedgehog: I think you might need to calm down a little. So they can’t come to the wedding. Who are you to judge on their choices?
Post # 10
Maybe he is really upset about the Cowboys recent personell decisions?
Seriously, that’s the worst excuse I’ve heard in a long time. There must be something else going on that he doesn’t want to share. Something else that weekend that he feels the need to be secretive about, or Serious Family Drama. Your fiance can try to talk to him directly, or you can just let it go and assume there’s something serious. I’m a little confused as to why FMIL is setting a “rate” for not going, though…
Post # 11
We have something similar happening, so I’d just let it go.
One of FI’s uncles is not coming to the wedding because the REFUSE to travel any way other than RV and the REFUSE to stay in hotels (will only stay in their RV).
The drive from FL to ME is too long and there are no trailer parks close enough to the wedding so they will not even consider coming.
I’m sad because I’ve never met them and FI really likes them, but what can you do?
Some people are just strange.
Post # 13
But we know there aren’t. And yes, he has done things like this before. Missed his and his brothers bar-mitzfas even though they were only an hour away and refused to go to his graduation because there was a game on… so this is just the end of the rope.
Post # 14
@Mrs Hedgehog: Does he or his wife have some sort of social anxiety disorder? It sounds like he’s always making excuses to get out of family events, which makes me think there’s some major tension with someone in the family or either one of them gets really uncomfortable in situations like that.
Post # 15
@Mrs Hedgehog: Maybe they really don’t like social situations? Or have beef with some other members of the family and they try to avoid seeing them? Or maybe one of them has trouble with alcohol but doesn’t want others in the family to know?
If your FI is really close, maybe he can reach out to his uncle and talk to him. Tell him how much it would mean to him if they could come and that he was really surprised (and a little hurt) to get their “no” RSVP.
Also he could check in with them and ask if something else is going on.
Post # 16
I’ve just learned that once someone burns me enough times, the only person who ends up getting hurt in expecting them to change their behavior is me.
My FIL did not show up to the birth of DH and I’s daughter because he was taking a road trip to see a ball game. But since he never made himself available during any other important events, I just thought “His loss” and moved on with life. Sounds like it would save you both some frustration to do the same. You can’t change people.