Post # 1
31 Days out from the wedding, and FI’s cousin, who is one of the bridesmaids, tells me that she can’t afford the dress or the alterations. She has known how much the dress costs since August, she has had plenty of time to save up, and the dress is a reasonable cost that she said she was ok with! To add insult to injury, i get a letter from the salon where her dress has been for a month telling me to remit payment immediately for the remainder of the dress. As in, if BM doesn’t pay, I have to cover the cost
If she had told me this months ago, we could have worked something out and helped her pay for it, but every spare dime we have right now is going towards vendor payments.
FI called his mom and she has graciously offered to pay for the remainder of the dress, but that still leaves the issue of the alterations and BM’s makeup, which she has committed to pay for, and the hotel, and the gas to get out there.
She said she feels horrible, and i know that was hard for her to tell us, but why why why didn’t she tell us this sooner? I may be down a bridesmaid in the 3rd inning.
my stress level is not in a good place right now. . .I need a drink and STAT
Post # 3
Ughh! So frustrating! So she’s a cousin – have you talked to her about her talking to her parents? I don’t think it’s even fair for your FI’s mom to cover the cost – she’s done enough!
Maybe her parents or someone else can loan her the money and she can pay them back through payments?
Post # 4
Did something recently happen, like being laid off or something? My SO was recently laid off (but just got a new job-YAY!) and I didnt tell most of my family or friends. Money was really tight for the last month or so I’m just wondering if she is going through something.
Post # 5
Woah! I’m so sorry she did that to you- that’s the last thing you want to be worrying about a month before your wedding. You’re right- if she knew this would be a problem, she really should have told you sooner.
Can you fire her as a bridesmaid, or would that cause too many problems? I’m not sure how close you are with her, but it might be worth asking her if she’s thought about those other costs besides the dress she committed to also when she agreed to be a bridesmaid.
Regardless of what happens- this is in no way your fault. Don’t let it ruin your wedding. Good luck!
Post # 6
Make it a double!
Seriously though, I don’t know why people do things like this. I’m sure she really does feel bad and it will all work out fine in the end, it always does. Even if you’re down one for makeup and everyone has to pay a few dollars more, you’ll still look beautiful and be married at the end of the day.
If it makes you feel any better I actually thought one of my BM’s had died or was in the hospital because months went by without a peep from her despite my constant attempts to get in touch. I was literally dialing her parents # to see if she was still alive when she finally called.
Post # 7
I would just pay for the dress and try to sell it and not even mention it to her again. Because she isnt even worth the hassle.. Yelling, or arguing with her now is just going to give her a chance to say mean things to you and about you. Just give her the silent treatment and move on as if you dont care.
Post # 8
Wow! I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation. No matter how things work out, I don’t think it’s fair for anyone other than your BM to cover the cost of the dress. I mean, she ordered it for herself and thereby agreed to the cost of it, so it’s really not fair for her to just back out now and leave you with the bill.
If you want to try to make things work with her as a BM, I wonder if there’s a way to help her cover the costs of the dress, alterations, etc., i.e. find someone to loan her the money. It sounds like she’s in a financial bind, which she feels bad about. Yes, she has known about the costs for several months and knowingly committed to being your BM, so it is really not fair for her to back at the eleventh hour. But for better or worse, she’s now in a position where these financial responsibilities may be too much. I would try to find a solution that works for everyone: get a loan for her, let her do her own makeup for the wedding, find someone for her to bunk with for the wedding, etc. I think if everyone comes together on this, you may be able to find a solution that works for all involved.
Post # 9
@ceamoste: Unfortunately FI’s side of the family is incredibly disfunctional. His mom and Aunt don’t talk with his grandmother or each other, his grandmother only talks with his uncle (BM’s Dad) and said uncle is divorced and remarried to a woman who doesn’t like BM. It’s a freaking mess. We are afraid to mention it to her dad because he might get angry with her. and her mom is not invited to the wedding so that would be awkward to ask her to pay for the dress :/
@Bostongrl25: BM is in another wedding this weekend, and she said that is why she can’t pay, but again, she has known about this other wedding since the summer, so it’s frustrating that she didn’t make our wedding a priority like the other one.
@MiJuneBee: Straight up firing her is not an option unfortunately since she is FI’s cousin, the whole family would hate me before I even married him! I really do like her, but I’m just shocked that she would do this.
@moderndaisy: You’re absolutely right, it will all work out, somehow! I can’t believe your BM dissappeared on you for months like that! RUDE.
Thanks Ladies for the encouragement! You have made me feel much better. Deep breaths. . .and perhaps another drink are in order after work. . .or maybe during work? (jk)
Post # 10
I understand why it was probably hard for her to tell you this, but it is irresponsible and inconsiderate of her to tell you this so last minute. Perhaps you should talk to her about stepping down… if she can’t afford to be a bridesmaid (especially since she accepted the terms of being one) she shouldn’t be. Just pay for the dress and try to sell it like another PP suggested. Perhaps give her a smaller job to do in the wedding that doesn’t require as much financially, like a reading or something?