(Closed) Seriously?! Why is she telling me NOW?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ughh! So frustrating! So she’s a cousin – have you talked to her about her talking to her parents? I don’t think it’s even fair for your FI’s mom to cover the cost – she’s done enough!

Maybe her parents or someone else can loan her the money and she can pay them back through payments?

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Did something recently happen, like being laid off or something? My SO was recently laid off (but just got a new job-YAY!) and I didnt tell most of my family or friends. Money was really tight for the last month or so I’m just wondering if she is going through something.

Post # 5
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Woah!  I’m so sorry she did that to you- that’s the last thing you want to be worrying about a month before your wedding.  You’re right- if she knew this would be a problem, she really should have told you sooner.  

Can you fire her as a bridesmaid, or would that cause too many problems?  I’m not sure how close you are with her, but it might be worth asking her if she’s thought about those other costs besides the dress she committed to also when she agreed to be a bridesmaid.  

Regardless of what happens- this is in no way your fault.  Don’t let it ruin your wedding.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Make it a double!

Seriously though, I don’t know why people do things like this. I’m sure she really does feel bad and it will all work out fine in the end, it always does. Even if you’re down one for makeup and everyone has to pay a few dollars more, you’ll still look beautiful and be married at the end of the day.

If it makes you feel any better I actually thought one of my BM’s had died or was in the hospital because months went by without a peep from her despite my constant attempts to get in touch. I was literally dialing her parents # to see if she was still alive when she finally called.

Post # 7
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would just pay for the dress and try to sell it and not even mention it to her again. Because she isnt even worth the hassle..  Yelling, or arguing with her now is just going to give her a chance to say mean things to you and about you.  Just give her the silent treatment and move on as if you dont care.

Post # 8
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow! I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation. No matter how things work out, I don’t think it’s fair for anyone other than your BM to cover the cost of the dress. I mean, she ordered it for herself and thereby agreed to the cost of it, so it’s really not fair for her to just back out now and leave you with the bill. 

If you want to try to make things work with her as a BM, I wonder if there’s a way to help her cover the costs of the dress, alterations, etc., i.e. find someone to loan her the money. It sounds like she’s in a financial bind, which she feels bad about. Yes, she has known about the costs for several months and knowingly committed to being your BM, so it is really not fair for her to back at the eleventh hour. But for better or worse, she’s now in a position where these financial responsibilities may be too much. I would try to find a solution that works for everyone: get a loan for her, let her do her own makeup for the wedding, find someone for her to bunk with for the wedding, etc. I think if everyone comes together on this, you may be able to find a solution that works for all involved. 

Post # 10
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I understand why it was probably hard for her to tell you this, but it is irresponsible and inconsiderate of her to tell you this so last minute. Perhaps you should talk to her about stepping down… if she can’t afford to be a bridesmaid (especially since she accepted the terms of being one) she shouldn’t be. Just pay for the dress and try to sell it like another PP suggested. Perhaps give her a smaller job to do in the wedding that doesn’t require as much financially, like a reading or something?

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