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oh wow.... AWKWARD! and actually yea, one of my friends basically asked if she was going to be in the wedding and even though she was a good friend I never thought about her being a bridesmaid... I was so shocked and in a moment of panic said yes... and I have been regreting it ever since.
One of my friends implied that FI and I were fighting over whether or not to make her MOH. Nope, I'm just contemplating kicking you out.
Uber Awkward. I don't even have anything to say and that takes a lot.
OMG YES! My cousin asked point blank if she was a bridesmaid 4 months before the wedding in front of my hubby and her boyfriend at dinner. It was so awkward! I just said, "no sorry, i've already chosen my bridesmaids." We were never that close. After that dinner, she stopped talking to me for good pretty much. She did come to the reception (skipping the ceremony), but she showed up 45 minutes late in JEANS! It's been two years, and we still don't talk! Unbelievable!
I somehow got out of it pretty graciously. I said I was only going to have family and my MOH, but I am actually having one other person too. Sooo, I hope they arent too upset about it
It is totally awkward for sure and rude to assume ever that you are in someone's wedding party. You should have told them they can wear whatever they want, lol.
You are right, you definitely can not have everyone in your wedding party. After being a BM so many times, I personally think it's an honour but also slightly overrated.
My oldest sister assumed she was MOH (I was the MOH) for another sister's wedding. That was slightly awkward.
@rljohnso14: WHOA, that is intense. Its crazy how wedding bring out crazy feelings all over the place
Yep, I had a friend ask if she was going to be in the wedding. Not because she really really wanted to be, but because if I was going to ask her, she was concerned about having the finances to particpate .
Oooo cringe! Awkward! Sounds like you got out of it alright though.
I totally understand. I had a friend, that didn't necessarily ask, but just started making comments about how I better not be putting her in anything hideous. I just kind of steered the conversation elsewhere, but it was a little uncomfortable because I hadn't really decided on my bridal party at the time and i wasn't really sure I was going to ask her to be in it, as its a DW and it's going to be smaller.
My mother also bound me to putting 2 of my close girlfriends into my bridal party for always being there for me and helping me move in very stressful situations. They are my ladies from college, and I wouldn't deny them being my BM for the world!
It's a difficult position to be put it, and your not being insensitive at all. I'm sure she will just want to be there for your day and can hopefully celebrate with you, regardless of being in the bridal party.
Kinda wish this would happen to me, as long as it was someone I pretty much liked. I don't have a lot of close girl friends but I don't just want to have 2 bridesmaids either!
When I told one friend that I was engaged, the first thing out of her mouth was, "How many bridesmaids are you having?" I just told her I didn't know (when I really did) and luckily for me she didn't bring it up again even after I'd asked my girls.
Oh my! I'm so terrible with words especially when I'm asked about something I'm not prepared for. It sounds like you knew what to say though. That is SO awkward!!
@BeSeeingYou: I have 3 girls in the wedding and 2 are MOH, so I only have 1 BM, but to be honest I wish it was just my two MOH. The BM is my FSIL. She's not very girly and really won't be all that thrilled to be in the wedding. Luckily I have a great MOH that said she'd tell her to smile and act happy if she needs to. LOL
So we're kind of opposite!
@HoneyBear: Is she a really close friend? Some who think they are like your BFF automatically assume they are a part of the wedding party. While feelings may be hurt ever so slightly, just break it to her gently?
At least you're not being told you have to have someone as your BM . . . my sister and I have a cat and dog relationship (the bad way). We can get along for a little while, but give us some time and we'll be fighting like there's no tomorrow.
@HoneyBear: My sister demanded to be my MOH. Sorry. That's for my bestie. Sisters are just BMs since I have more than one.
I had a friend tell me that she was upset that she want a bridesmaid But seriously I already have 5 I can NOT add another....
But all but 1 of my bridesmaids assumed they were the MOH... to there surprise IM not having one... lol
YES, hubby & I wasn't sure if we would have the money to get married in the church like we wanted to. So we had planned on getting married in the court house until we found out we would have the money for our church wedding. So I called and told well of course my mom and a few people. Then called a friend whom I don't see much due to distance and stuff but we do talk on the phone alot. So, I told her in excitment that we would be having a church wedding and she very bluntly said "am I going to be in the wedding?" I was floored. I got out of it though. Id say in person was ALOT harder!
Yep, one of my bridesmaids assumed her position, but I would have asked her, so thats okey. I do however have a close friend that started asking about my bridal party the moment we got engaged. I am not including her in the bridal party and by now she knows this, but before she knew she made statements like "all the important people are in the bridal party", "people do not care about other guests", REALLY...come on, that's just weird and totally UNTRUE!
Thanks for the advice ladies! I can't believe how many people have gone through this also. I'm sure I looked like a deer in the headlights after she asked.
Lol I think you handled this well.. It is weird when people ask..
I have a similar experience. I have a girl who has asked me constantly to be a MOH just because she happens to be close friends with my MOH and then even added me on facebook just so she could ask me on my wall!!! I keep telling her I already chose my BMs and sorry you arent one of them. Now she refuses to talk to me. Clearly she isnt really my friend.
@bells: haha! that reminds me... when we first got engaged this girl wanted to be my MOH so she could plan the bachelorette party. I didnt have a problem telling her no... lol
Yeah, people definitely ask this. It sucks. Fortunately I was able to cap it at 4 BMs. I'm kinda mean though - I have no problems telling people "No"
I had a coworker just assume she was in my wedding. She kept saying things like "Well, when we throw your shower..." and "For your bachelorette party, we'll..." I was kind of taken aback, flattered, and guilted all at once. It was a really awkward conversation when she asked how many bridesmaids there would be and I said six and then named six other girls.
Oh, wow.... one of my FI's nieces asked, ON HIS FACEBOOK WALL if she could be in the wedding.
He ignored her, lol. I was like, WTF?!?!?! WHY is she asking YOU, when I'm the bride?!? (not that I would've asked her, mind you, but still....)
sheesh.
Of course, one of my FI's best bud's girlfriend keeps saying I should have a tattoo. Umm, NO. Even after I said, "No, it's not my style" and "it's not me" she keeps trying to push a tattoo on me. Saying I have a great back and it'd be perfect for a huge tattoo. Um.... I have a great back that I'm VERY proud of BECAUSE it's flawless! GAH!!!!
people will have the nerve to say/ask/do what they want no matter what. You just gotta slap 'em down (often with a cast iron skillet) every time. ;)
I was married once before this time, and when I was talking to one of my friends about the colors I was going to choose for the bridal party she said "I look really good in that color!" with like a huge grin. It didnt bother me because I wanted to ask her, but hadn't known her for that long and wasn't sure if she would even want to, but after that I pretty much knew. It didnt really bother me that she said something like that though because its just her personality to be like that
OMG I am SO bad with words I probably would have been like "Oh, I didn't send it to you?" and then she would have had to be one. I am so awkward in those situations. Everyone thinks I'm this tough New Yorker but when it comes to stuff like that I never want to offend anyone haha
Yeah people do this!
One of my good friends (who I of course wanted in the wedding anyway) blurted out "you better make me a bridesmaid!" before I formally asked, but thats why I love her, she just blurts out whats on her mind :)
Right after I got engaged, I had a friend from college that I hadnt really kept in touch with leave me a voicemail saying that she hoped she would AT LEAST BE maid of honor......what the hell is above maid of honor?! Bride?.....she was not even invited to our wedding!!
heh - one of my first posts on the Bee was about how my friend called me immediately after i got engaged (saw it on FB) and the first thing she said? "OMG I'M YOUR MOH, RIGHT???" it took like 8 months but it's finally resolved (and no, she's not in the bridal party)!
I had a friend do that to me. Apparently, after being my roommate for a year, she felt like she was 'entitled' to be a BM. She actually asked me why I asked other people and not her. A very akaward conversation followed.
Our friends just had a bit of the reverse happen - the groom informally told his friends over dinner who the groomsmen were going to be - one of his best friends missed that part of the conversation, so his feelings have been hurt for almost 6 months now. It's all sorted out now, since the groom asked him if he'd gotten his tux, and the guy was like, "What do you mean? I'm in the wedding?"
Meanwhile, the bride has sent out formal invitations to all her brisedmaids, asking them if they would be able to be in the wedding party. She was flabbergahsted at the thought of the guy not knowing (I told her boys do it differently).
Sorry for the awkwardness - anytime there's a big event, someone is going to get their own ideas about what's going on. If they can't adapt, that's kinda their problem and not yours.
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So, probably one of the most awkward moments of my life was when my friends asked me what they would be wearing for the wedding...
Yeah, I never asked them to be in the wedding and I am having 4 bridesmaids already. 2 are really close friends and the other 2 are my twin sisters.
I dont want to have a crazy huge bridal party bc we are having a destination wedding and I need SOME people in the aisles lol
Ugh, just tell me I'm not being insensitive... I cant have everyone in the wedding, I dont even want to. Sorry, I guess this is just a vent, but has anyone else gone through this?