- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
My FI and I plan on serving wine and beer at our reception. We have been engaged for one week and have already run into opposition from my parents and paternal grandparents.
So far, the only immediate family that’s had an issue is my parents and paternal grandparents. They are the only ones that know as of right now. But most of my older, extended family members are just like my parents and grandparents and they are all very conservative Baptists that believe drinking alcohol is wrong. Even though Jesus turned water to wine at a wedding, they still believe it’s wrong.
We are having a long engagement and the thought of dealing with being harassed and criticized over alcohol throughout our engagement is really not appealing. But I am determined not to back down. I do not like being told how to plan my wedding and the more criticism I get over it, the more it’s making me want to dig my heels in. I don’t even really care if we serve alcohol or not, it’s my FI and his family that wants it. The reason why I’m going along with it is because I want to support my future husband and also because I don’t like being told what to do.
FI and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. No one is helping us. Well, I take that back. FI’s parents do plan on contributing (though I don’t know yet much) but they don’t have a problem with alcohol. But the point is, MY family is not helping us. And frankly, I don’t want them to. If my family were to offer us financial help, I would say no. Because with them, money always comes with strings. And I am not about to have them say “Oh well, we are not gonna help you if you are serving alcohol”. Nope. Not going down that road.
Anyway, my mother gave me grief about this the other night. She actually asked me “Is this worth having some or the majority of your family not show up to your wedding?” She seems to think that practically my entire extended family will boycott my wedding over this!
This was my reply to her. “Mom, I am not asking people to like the fact that there will be alcohol. I am not asking them to drink. I am just asking them to show up and have a good time and wish us the best on our marriage. If the idea of alcohol at the reception offends them so much that they literally boycott my wedding then they are being ridiculous and closed minded.”
And then she told me that I was not raised this way. So I told her that I was an adult with my own opinions and beliefs. And I believed that there’s nothing wrong with having a drink on a special occasion, as long as you’re not an alcoholic and drink responsibly.
Which brings me to her next argument. My family also thinks that people will get drunk and make a scene and make fools out of themselves. I tried to tell her that our friends would not do that and they know how to behave at weddings. She didn’t listen to me though, she just insisted that she had seen too many people do that at weddings she’s attended in the past.
I’m just so irritated! I will literally be the first one in my family to NOT have a dry wedding but my family are acting like I’m committing some horrible sin!
Another thing is that my older brother and SIL got married back in 2011. They also tried to have alcohol at their reception but apparently, my family gave my brother a hard time about it so he backed down. I asked them about it after they got married (before I even met my FI) about why they backed down. And all my brother said “It just wasn’t worth it to us. We decided to keep the peace.”
I just wish my brother hadn’t backed down. Because now I feel like my family thinks “Oh well, we got him to change his mind so we can definitely get LadyBlackheart to change her mind.”
But I won’t. Because this is pissing me off. I mean, is it worth boycotting your relative’s wedding OVER ALCOHOL?!?!
That’s just how I feel. But I guess I need advice on how to shut this topic down for good. Do I just keep repeating what I’ve said so far and hope they finally accept it and shut up about it? I REALLY do not want to hear this constant criticism during my entire engagement.
- This topic was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by LadyBlackheart.