Set ideal wedding date but not yet officially engaged? has this happened to you

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would just push the wedding back by a year. It’s going to be crazy planning in that short amount of time… which only gets shorter the longer you’re waiting for a proposal.

I think it’s better to enjoy your engagement (just plain old being engaged, with no big wedding plans in the works) for a while rather than jumping right into wedding planning (which we did at first – and it was a MAJOR disaster, both for our wedding plans and for our relationship.)

Post # 4
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@katiecat08:  If you’re deadset on May, I’d push it to 2015.  You’re going to be really crunched for time as far as ordering a dress and finding vendors who are available that day.

We wanted a fall wedding really bad. But, due to my husband being laid off, we had to push our engagement back from fall 2011 to feb 2012.  A fall 2012 wedding never would have been possible byt he time we got engaged, so we pushed it back to march 2013 since we didn’t want to wait another whole year.  March wasn’t our ideal time but it worked out perfectly and we had a beautiful wedding. I don’t regret changing the date and season one bit.

Post # 5
1248 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah don’t get your hopes up. Boys dont know how long it takes to plan a wedding. I wanted May 3, 2014 bc the numbers in it are 012345. But not getting engaged until september this year made it financially impossible to plan in that short amount of time. (Plus i already had a friend plan her wedding on that day, so it wouldnt have worked). Now we’re getting married in march 2015. It going to be wayyyy easier!!! Don’t plan your date until youre engaged & know your budget!!

Post # 6
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

We have set our date, checked out venues, planned most of the details of the ceremony and reception, etc.  And I don’t have my ring yet.  The date is firm, we’re getting hitched Feb 15, 2015 because it works for our guests here and our guests coming from Europe.  We are firm on the date. 

Is your ‘ideal’ date just that?  An ideal?  Or is it your wedding day?  Are you both on the same page?  Are you willing to plan/book before the proposal?  My SO is and so am I.  The proposal at this point is just a fun day.  We know we’re getting married, so we’re planning and booking as we get things done.  

What kind of wedding do you want?  7 months is still a lot of time.  I could plan out a pretty sweet event in that amount of time.  Would you have to pay rush fees for some things?  Possibly.  Dresses in particular.  But there are lots of cash and carry sales as well, you could snag a sample/cancelled dress and take it home if you’re open to that.  Or if your city has something like The Brides Project, you don’t even need to order, take it and alter.  No waiting required. You may have to be more flexible on your choices.  If you have your heart set on a particular venue, photographer, DJ you may not be able to get it at this point.  But if you’re open to researching different options, 7 months is still a lot of time. 

Post # 7
20 posts

katiecat08I’m actually in the same boat as you.  My boyfriend is working on the ring (it’s being custom made), and I’m expecting a proposal sometime in November.  He also wants to make it perfect.  I also want to get married in May 2014.


Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. If you already have the venue in mind. 


I told my boyfriend the other day that I didn’t want a long engagement.  His response “I never thought you’d want that”.  I also asked him how long he expected our engagement to last and he said a few months – how long it takes to plan a wedding.  I prodded a little further and his guess was 3 months.  He saw my face and said maybe 6 months?  Which is actually perfect in my opinion. 


I’m 33, and will be 34 before May.  I’m NOT pushing it back at all.  I don’t want a summer wedding, and I don’t want to wait until next fall.


I found a practical wedding (website and book) to be very helpful. 


Good luck! I can’t wait to hear your official proposal story!

Post # 8
8483 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah…we wanted to get married on a specific day and decided about 14 months out before we were officially engaged.  So I did some planning for about 2 months before we were officially engaged (i.e. had the ring) and had our venue, photographer, and dress set before we told everyone.

I don’t think it’s a big deal but I’d be a little worried with 7 months to go.  If you don’t announce it soon or start putting down deposits you won’t have time.  This depends on the wedding you want…many venues fill up 12 months in advance but if you have somewhere to have it already (at someone’s house, for example) you would probably be fine.

You might ask him what his exact time frame is.  If it’s within a month you’re probably fine but if it’s in 3 or 4 months I would push back the wedding.  He needs to know how long it takes to plan.  Also, you need to know if you have the $ set aside or if you will have to save.  It does take time to save for a wedding too.  If you’re not set on a specific date you could push back to next Fall.

Post # 9
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@CakeyP:  +1

I really wanted to get married in June of 2014.  It became clear that it wasn’t going to happen because:

1) I want to enjoy my engagement/be engaged for a year

2) SO and I do not want money from family for our wedding.  I opened a savings account last month and it’ll probably take saving until 2015 to have the money together that I want to have to pay for the wedding (from ordering the dress, down payment on the venue, $ for DIY things I want to do, etc). 

3) SO might not propose until 2014 at earliest…or maybe even early 2015.  I’d prefer to expect it to be longer and be surprised than keep trying to rush the process and be upset everytime he doesn’t reach my timeline.

Good Luck OP!

Post # 10
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

my date is in 2015 so not too much of a worry about having enough time to plan yet…

Post # 11
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar

@katiecat08:  I am not yet engaged….but SO and i want to get married end of next summer. Around august. We will be getting engaged by the end of this year (crossing fingers!) we dont want a long engagement. I am little concerned about ordering wedding dress…it can approx 6 months if ur ordering a fancy dress. Hopefully things will work out just fine! 

Post # 12
10899 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

If you and your FI have already agreed on a wedding date, I would say that you’re engaged — you just have not experienced the formal proposal, and you haven’t yet made your engagement public.

Depending on the time of year, and day of the week, and time of day when you wish to be married, and the venue you choose, you should be able to plan a wedding in the time allotted.  One of my friends has planned her wedding for next month (November 2013) but did not announce her engagement until several weeks ago (this past September.) 

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