- 9 years ago
This turned out longer than I expected but hopefully by getting it out, I’ll see where I can do better.
FMIL has made it pretty clear that I am not good enough for her son but when asked, she denies it. No one has and no one will ever be good enough for her kids, no matter who they are dating. Jennifer Aniston? Probably not good enough. I know it’s her issue and not me. I can’t do anything right, I walk on eggshells when I am around her, I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t with her. It needs to be 100% her all the time for her to feel ok. And if it’s not, well then, we definitely hear about it.
My big issue right now is phone conversations between her and him, or even conversations in general. Specifically when I am the subject of them. She repeats everything that I "don’t do", how I don’t do enough, he gives more- I give nada, I don’t deserve *this*, etc. over and over. FI takes it as venting and lets her say what she has to say to get it out and goes on with life. I get that she needs to vent but he doesn’t exactly debunk the things she is saying, so he’s coming across as agreeing to it and justifying what she thinks because he’s going "yeah, uh huh. Uh huh."- IMO. He says he doesn’t believe what she thinks but it annoys me that he wants to listen to negative things about me (his mother has never said anything postive)and refuses to say "I’m tired of hearing you talk this way about my FI." He also believes their conversations are private and between them two only. I get that but I feel she’s dragging me into it, even more so when we are together and he answers the phone and talks in front of me. She is so loud that I can hear her. Even when I leave the room I can still hear it. I’m really hurt by it- FI is seriously clueless. He thinks it’s stupid that I want him to say "I’ve already discussed this, if you keep bringing it up, I will hang up" or some other boundary phrase.
Am I out of line for wanting him to say something to put a stop to it?
By him not saying anything to her conversations, does that mean he is agreeing with her?
How does your FI handle this type of situation? How do you want your FI to handle this type of situation?
I’m trying reallllly hard to not take this personally but I’m not exactly making progress. She chips away at my self esteen and keeps chipping. Have any tips?