set on by bridezila last year but now the family want me to forget.. big vent

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You get over it because she’s going to be family. Sometimes it takes being the bigger person. Also, it sounds like you have a very bad attitude towards your in-laws and acted like a sourpuss during her festivities. 

It’s been a year. You need to get over it for the good of your family.

Post # 6
Member
466 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, I think you are going to have to sit down with her.  At the end of the day, she’s family so you two are stuck together.  You will need to at least be civil to eachother even if you don’t like eachother.  Trust me, I’m fairly familiar with this dynamic in my own family. 

I don’t think you do anything wrong, and its sounds like you were trying to be, and were, super helpful.  It sounds like your FSIL was a little nutty.  I mean a death threat, really?  That is over the top.  Just try to focus on your wedding and move past this for familial peace.

Post # 7
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Honestly, I am not one of those people that believes that just because someone is family that they get a free pass when they act like a huge a$$hole.  However, I really feel like if you are able to just be civil with her when you need to be around her, your life will improve and it will be helpful for your FI.  My mother in law called my mom and my sisters theives and scammers (among a lot of other ridiculous things).  I am no longer angry, because being angry with her gives her power over me, which I refuse to give her.  When we go over for family events, she’s there, and I’m nothing but civil and nice.  Will I ever have a close relationship with her – absolutely not.  I don’t need toxic people like that deeply ingrained in my life.  She doesn’t actually realize what she’s done to her relationship with her son – he’s not really all that interested in one, but is civil just like I am, and this was 100% his decision.

Don’t be her best friend, but do YOURSELF a favor and don’t give her space in your head.  Be civil and cordial when she’s there.  Trust me, it’ll improve your relationship with your FI and make you happier.  It took me a while, but I finally got it through my head that some people are just miserable, manipulative people.

I wish you well.

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