(Closed) Setback #1 arrives, I take a step back.

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

It was hard to resist the urge to start planning the wedding before I had a ring. But I guess since my Darling Husband dragged his feet so much about the whole engagement thing, I was focused on getting him to propose in the first place so that distracted me a little.

I think it’s best to decide on the wedding details together anyway. Calling all the shots (venue, photog, flowers, etc.) gets to be really one sided and doesn’t reflect yoru style as a couple. So you might as well wait until you’re engaged honestly. And you will have so much time to plan the wedding together that there is no point in trying to rush it all before you have a ring.

Post # 4
1903 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

The engagement period is the period you can really start planning, anything done before just tends to bring expectations only for reality to set in.

Take your own advice, and slow down and wait to become engaged first before planning.

So what if your perfect date is taken by that venue? – there are other days and other venues. What matters most is that your marrying your best friend and soul mate, the when/what/where/who dont matter, just the why.

Post # 5
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I find myself planning too…then I have to check myself.  I don’t have a ring yet either!  I am hoping for a Sept 2012 wedding too!

Post # 6
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Big Truck:Look, as long as SO is on board, there’s nothing wrong with pre-planning. I knew it was coming, so I ended up buying my dress in August! We didn’t get engaged until the middle of October.But you know what? By that point, the dress was already paid for, and it ended up taking a lot of stress off.

Post # 7
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m in the same boat.  I recently got a timeline from my bf and I know that the proposal is coming soon.  I have a date in mind of April or May 2012, and with my job, I have very specific weeks off and can’t really change them.  But as time passes, I’m getting more and more anxious because, really, there’s only eight or nine months until then.  I know where I want to get married, and it takes everything in me not to call and find out whether those dates are available.  I convince myself not to though, because just because it’s available now, doesn’t mean it will be available when I’m actually ready to put a deposit down.

I say, just wait until your Boyfriend or Best Friend proposed before actually calling about availability or anything concrete.  Just plan peripherally without trying to put any deposits down or checking for availability so your feelings aren’t hurt.  And don’t worry about it- when you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend get engaged, you can talk together about dates and venues and everything will work out fine! *HUGS!*

Post # 8
375 posts
Helper bee

In the same boat with ya, hon. Or at least on the same lake.

SO and I talked about it and I know the proposal is coming by the end of the year, so it’s hard not to start researching and pre-planning certain bits. I had a bit of a wobble one week where I had the “jumping the gun” feeling and was kind of let down about it (planning is fun, after all) but I talked it over with SO and he was fine with the pre-planning. In his mind, a lot of this is formality (formality we want, mind you) and this pre-planning stage gives us a chance to explore our options, get an idea of what a realistic budget is and to do it on our own without family or well-meaning friends butting in. This way, when we announce it to said family and friends, we’ve already got the broad strokes down and can enjoy the detailed planning once we go public.

Though it is awfully hard to plan on the dl 🙂

Post # 9
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

ugh, so know how you feel. i had to just seriously step away because i was making myself insane and putting way too much pressure on myself and him.  good luck, in my experience it has been super hard to get it out of my head!

Post # 10
3 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ahhh I so know how you feel, as well!

I’m ring-less, but I know he’s found one… and therefore I want to snag a date for fall 2012, all the while getting anxious about having enough time to book in advance! It’s put a lot of pressure on myself as well as my SO.  

We currently live on opposite sides of the country, therefore our time together is sacred and I have to remind myself of this when I get all ‘wedding talk’ on him.  Even though he’s throwing in some idea’s too.

This is the most exciting time of our lives, and we have the freedom to choose to do whatever we want!  So I’m deciding to take on patience, and enjoy each moment before getting too ahead of myself, and stressing myself out before anything has even happened!

It’s hard enough not living in the same province as him… 🙂


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