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My FI and I have chosen to pay for the wedding ourselves. We both have well-paying jobs, are debt-free, and have a large amount in savings. However, being a frugal couple, we don't plan on throwing a lavish wedding just because we can. Even though we have a $25K budget for 140 guests, I have a feeling we'll spend closer to $20K. We're doing a lot of DIY projects and looking for things used or borrowed to save on costs. If we were getting help with wedding costs, I'd still have the same budget/mindset. We have financial goals for the future and I don't want our wedding costs to significantly interfere with them. Do what you think feels right for you and your FI. Think about how important a fancier wedding is to you guys vs having a simpler wedding and saving up for something else in the future. Good luck!
The way we did it was to go through a wedding budget I found somewhere online. It listed all the bits you'd probably buy (dress, flowers, reception, etc) and an indicative cost. We went through it line by line and decided what we were happy to spend, taking some costs up and others down and some away completely, based on our priorites and what kind of day we wanted. At the end of that we looked at the total, looked at each other and said "are we happy with that" and decided we were. We did some sums to make sure we'd be able to put that amount aside in a year (we didn't want to wait longer than that), and we could, so that was the end of that. In the end both sets of parents offered us some money so although the budget stayed almost the same, our contribution went down (which was a nice bonus).
It was a lot of money when you consider it was just one day, but it gave us the wedding we wanted, and we didn't have to go into debt for it. It also meant we didn't have to shop around much - we just went with the photographer we liked, the florist we liked, etc. I did DIY a bunch of stuff, including invites, which saved some money, but for the most part we just bought what we wanted. It was much more stress free that way, I admire brides who are keen bargain hunters but I really didn't have to energy or motivation to do it myself and I'm very thankful we could afford to not stress about it too much. You can have a beautiful wedding on any budget so it's really just up to what feels comfortable and natural for you!
Thank you ladies so much for the feedback so far. I really appreciate it.
I should say too that our guest list will not exceed 75 people. We're both very keen to keep the list small and intimate. So, whatever we decide on the budget, the smaller list will help keep costs down somewhat.
My fiancee and I are definitely the 'It's just one day" type as we are looking toward buying a house in the near future. Every dollar we spend toward the wedding is essentially one dollar that could be used toward having a down payment on the future home. We both want to celebrate the fact that we are getting married but celebrating that within reason. We've set our budget at roughly 3,000. Surprisingly, it seems like we're close to pullling this off. There's been a lot of craigslist hunting, friend/relative networking, dave ramsey-esque negotiating skills, internet bargin bin searching but I don't think people will know that it only cost about 3,000. But they may catch on as we smile our way to the bank with the money we've saved!
I first looked up what the average wedding cost, YIKES! Then we did like mountain.bride but when we compared it to how much we could save and how much our parents were pitching, we realized that wasn't going to happen. So we just set it at $10,000 (including our honeymoon) because that seemed doable for L.A. and that's how much we'd be able to save and have contributed. Sometimes I wish we had set it lower and other times I wish it were higher.
Also, our guest count is about 175. We both have big families. Besides family, I'm only inviting 6 friends and 5 coworkers.
To be honest, there is no perfect answer. We were paying it all ourselves, and definitely don't have a lot of money. At the same time, our wedding was a huge celebration for us. By the time it happened, we had been together for nine years, but only in the last year of that had it even been possible for us to have a legal marriage anywhere.
I did some research on what we could get, in terms of the things most important to us, for various budgets. It broke down like this:
Me: Having a Jewish wedding was very important to me, so we had to figure in a rabbi, synagogue, chuppah (wedding canopy), ketubah (Jewish wedding contract), ketubah frame, and glass for breaking. Because as a same-sex couple we couldn't get married in our local area, we ended up with exhorbitant nonmember rates for the rabbi and synagogue.
NotFroofy: It was important to have a "wedding" dress and accessories as opposed to just a nice party dress, although she was willing to go with a budget wedding dress. She also wanted a professional photographer for the ceremony, although not necessarily for the reception.
Both of us: We wanted to have a party back in DC with our friends--between 50 and 100 people, depending on who RSVPed yes. We also wanted to cover as much as possible of the expenses of the few guests we invited to the ceremony in Massachusetts, as they were immediate family and close friends and all helped with the wedding in some way. We therefore paid for their accommodations, and all of their food, from the night before the wedding to the morning after the wedding.
We were willing to go low budget on, DIY, or skip absolutely everything else. After some research, I figured out that to get the things that were important to us, along with spending at least a little for other stuff, was going to amount to about $10,000, so that was the budget we set. Even with that, I made a point of paying for the most critical stuff first. That way, if I miscalculated and ran out of money, only the unimportant things would be missing.
So it's not like there was one clear answer. We were willing to go high budget on the most critical things, while still going low budget on the things that meant less to us.
New Years Eve in NYC. That is going to be rather difficult keeping the cost down if you want the traditional wedding, ie: ceremony, 5 hour reception with dinner and dancing. Keeping the guest list down is huge. We are getting married int he city and originally wanted 150 guests. We are currently at 237. Unbeleiveable. Thankfully we are not paying for it ourselves. If we were, we would probably picked somewhere in Jersey or LI. Is that an option for you two? If so, I would highly recommend moving out of the city. Also, is moving your date a possibility? I found that the day after NYE all of the prices in NYC dropped significantly. Our venue for NYE was $225/person. January 8th - $150/person. Also, all of the hotels in the area are much cheaper after NYE.
We didn’t really set a wedding budget. My parents said they would give us 8k, My mom said she would give us 1k plus flowers and my dress(es) and FH’s mom is paying for the DJ.
We kinda just went into it on what we wanted to pay for things. And I also pay for things here & there so I can have a bigger sum of $ left after the wedding for the house.
DJ- We ended up paying $650 for 5 hours. His first quote was $950 FH and I decided we are not paying someone almost $200/ hour for ANYTHING.
Photog- We got some what we thought were ridiculous quotes (others don’t) We ended up finding someone we thought was AMAZING for $400 with a disc.
Food- We more went with how much we wanted to spend and invited that many people. I would suggest asking your venue for a the corperate menu they gave it to us by accident and we're saving $30+ per person!
Invites, décor & other paper goods- were more on what I wanted them to look like and less about caring how much I spent
If I could afford to do anything I wanted, I wouldn't set a budget. I would still not go for a lavish event, but I would evaluate each decision individually to find what I thought was good value. I value photography really highly so I would probably spend quite a bit on that. I don't value flowers as much so I'd probably go cheaper on those. I think budgets are the source of so much anxiety and if you don't need to have one, I wouldn't.
I am somewhere in between "If you can do it, enjoy it all" and "Keep it high end, but within reason." For me, my parents wanted to pay for the wedding as this was as much a celebration for them as it was for us. So they paid for the big ticket items like the venue, photography, wedding planner, transportation paid by my parents as this was as much a celebration for them as it was for us. There were definitely a few extras that I felt were too frivolous to ask my parents, so ended up paying them myself without them knowing (upgraded to chivari chairs, had custom printed menus instead of the ones offered by the venue, specialty lighting, custom-built cocktail bar). But even with the added "extras," I did my best to keep it within reason. Like, I wanted to rent ivory satin napkins and could not discern any visual difference between the $5 one vs. $8.50 one, etc. So, if you have the means, enjoy it! But just remember that even amongst the higher end vendors, it can be worthwhile to shop around!
@magilnyc: The date is wrong in my profile. We haven't set the date yet, but Wedding Bee made me figure one out!
Also - we likely won't marry in NYC. I actually own a house in Greenwich and an apt in NYC, but we consider CT home. And I think we'll probably do a destination wedding - like rent out part of a resort or something for the 40-50 guests we'll be having.
I agree though - NYC is pricey!
I'd set it at what you think it reasonable but for LESS that you'd want to spend. Weddings have a way of growing so while you are financial able to spend the money on it, only spend what you think is financially responsible.
You don't want to have buyers remorse for spending a ton on a single day, but you don't want to skimp as well.
The thing about setting a lower budget is that you can always upgrade things later as you see how much things actually cost rather than freaking out about how expensive everything is and panicking to cut things that seem frivolous. Plus it helps you focus on the things that you and your FI think are the most important.
It really depends on what your priorities are, I think. Is it important to you to have a lavish day to remember? Or is it important to you to add your personality through DIY projects? And also, what are the most important parts of your day? Location? Food? Pictures or video?
In order to set a budget you have to first know where your priorities are, and then know how many people you envision having. You seem to have a guest list number, but I can't tell if you've sorted out your priorities yet or not. You need to sit down and envision what you want the day to be. Then based on your vision and priorities, you can research the types of vendors that are most important to you (Officiant, or caterer, or photographer, etc.) and get an idea of what this thing should cost you. Then set your budget realistically with your new information in hand and stick to it.
We are paying for everything ourselves and have set a budget no higher than $8K. We live in a fairly small town so it wont be too hard to do, but we wanted to make sure that we have everthing we want to have a great time and memerable wedding. I am doing all of the projects myself and we are making all of the food. It has been alot of fun making everything for my wedding and being involved.
Thank you all again so much! It's good to just hash this out with people, I think.
Here is what is most important to us.
1.) The VENUE (location, decor, ambiance). We want to really create the feeling of a fun, intimate, elegant, romantic wedding. Likely over a 2 day period. Somewhere where our guests can come in and stay. Possibly a destination locale. But, somewhere beautiful - a real, significant celebration kind of place.
This could be everything from a quaint B&B in New England, to a tropical location, to an estate in the Hudson Valley, to a chic restaurant somewhere. We're not sure yet, but we want the venue to be really nice.
2.) PHOTOGRAPHY - enough said, I think ;)
3.) FOOD - at least a delicious rehearsal dinner, pre-ceremony apps, cocktail hour, sit down dinner, and next day brunch
4.) ATTIRE - I am planning for a designer tux and dress
Less important, but still Top 5 is
5.) MUSIC - live music for at least the ceremony, cocktail hour, and dinner. But, maybe also during the rehearsal dinner, too. Jazz themed.
So I think we want to put the biggest chunk of our money toward the venue/location. Then to photography and attire. Food will be a large expense, but with an intimate guest list, not as much if we had 100+ people coming. Plus we'll have no bar tab.
What doesn't matter (that comes to mind right now):
paper products, videography, wedding planner, bar options (not big drinkers in our group), extra rentals (we want the venue to be capable of handling all that in 1 fee), a big bridal party (we're not sure we're doing one), pre-parties (engagement, bachelorette, bridal shower)
I'm not planning to DIY a lot of things because I'm not really a crafty sort of person. But, I do foresee being our wedding planner. I coordinate large scale, complicated things for my business, so I feel I can handle our wedding of 40 people without too much problem.
We paid for 75 percent of the wedding ourselves, and both sets of parents pitched in the rest, even though we could have paid for it all ourselves (it was something they each wanted to do).
We had a $25K budget for 75 guests.
We set three priorities, and cut back on everything else. Our priorities were an amazing photographer, a great venue, and a good food/drink package for our guests, which we got. We had a very small floral budget, we used an iPod for music and I got a very inexpensive dress ($270 - I went short, though).
For other things, we went moderate with. For example, we hired ceremony string musicians for an hour for $300. For us, it was worth it. We also hired hair/make-up people to come to the hotel, and the prices were about average, but also very worth it. We didn't "splurge" on either of those two things.
We DIYed our centerpieces (branches and candles) and had a family member design our print materials (invitations, programs, menu cards), and had them printed at a cheap, but good printer (it helps my husband works in graphic design).
We had a lovely wedding, and we didn't go into debt. Sometimes I DO wish we had splurges on one or two more things. For example, our entire floral budget (for bouquets and bouts) was $340. I didn't LOVE my bouquet, and I sometimes think, "Would throwing in another $50 for my own bouquet have been worth it for the flowers I wanted?" Oh well!
I also wish we had put a few extra bucks into entertainment for the guests, which was most important to us. An extra $1K on a photobooth would have been awesome, but in the end, we decided to stay in our budget. Again, oh well!
But in the end, we're happy with everything, and what we spent.
I haven't yet gotten married, but both my sisters have and both had high-end, lavish weddings. Both have told me it was great but they wouldn't do it again, it wasn't worth the cost. I'm fortunate in that my parents are giving us money for the wedding (the same amount they gave my sisters). We are planning to stay under this amount instead of doubling or tripling it with our own funds. It's your day. If you are comfortable spending 40K, go for it. If you are like me and are frugal and saving for something big (a house in SoCal), spend less.
We're in a similar situation in that we have a decent amount of savings and very few major expenses on the horizon. We're 5-10 years from even beginning to think about buying a house probably closer to 15 from actually doing so, don't intend to have children, don't need a new car. (we also seem to be getting some help from relatives... very secretive ones...)
What it came down for us is that we're both big experiential spenders. We buy new clothes only when the old ones fall apart and don't spend much money on physical things, but have no problem spending money on nice food, wine, travel, time with friends, etc. To us, the wedding falls into the latter category and is therefore actually a really high-priority budget item for us.
The IDEA of spending a lot of money on the wedding industry has been the biggest thing holding down our budget. So it really has come down more to evaluating our priorities and whether each individual line item is worth the cost, more so than it's about the final total number.
Like you we wanted to do something where we could spend a couple of days with our friends and family. What we quickly found is that that shot the cost WAY up. Since that was priority #1 and we're lucky enough to be able to afford it, we eventually decided that was necessary. We'll probably do the same with photography. But decor-related expenses we couldn't care less about. Food matters, alcohol matters... we're not that into clothing. Probably won't even have any flowers. We're doing the music ourselves. So it ends up being a big mix of high-end and low-end elements as it suits us best.
This got really long, but that's my suggestion. If there's an upper limit to what you can afford, set that as a bottom line ceiling, but otherwise take a line-item approach. Evaluate each individual option and if it's worth it, go big. If it's not, cut costs there.
Pick the things that you like (within reason) and move along. If you are comfortable with what you spend on each component and you are happy with your selections then it will be just the wedding that you want with a pricetag that you can deal with.
We're on the "it's just one day" ideal but we also want to have our friends and family there. The difference with us is we want it to be more a party where everyone enjoys themselves than the typical cookie-cutter "wedding industry" show (in our opinons) that most people go for. (not all, but most). We don't have a problem with weddings, we just aren't that type. (I'm 29 and been to 1 wedding, my FI is 41 and been to way more and we're both going to a friend's in october.)
Since we aren't the kind to spend a small fortune on a wedding, we're putting the budget at no more than 3500. tops.
I'd start with what you WANT to spend and go from there. Give yourself a budget and stick to it. Think of it as a "business plan" and you'll be set. :)
oh, and DIY is a GREAT way to do amazing decorations and favors and more for over half the price you'd pay elsewhere. I made a list of what we want and what I'm going to DIY and it's really helped keep us to the budget. (well, me more than him, lol, since I'm doing most of the planning and getting his input on all my ideas! LOL! His one request was shot glass favors and our most expensive thing is the venue.)
We set a ballpark figure of £6K at the start of our wedding planning. We figured that we could easily buy and pay for everything with that much. In the end, including the honeymoon, we went around £2K over - but we justified every purchase by making sure we could reuse whatever it was later - that way we get more for our money.
For my hubby and I, we were in a similar situation as you. We're both debt free, make a good living, have a house and already had savings set aside to pay for our wedding.
In the end we knew no matter how much money we had we wanted a smallish wedding of only 60 something of the closest people. From there we talked about how important the day was to us and how important the cost was to us. In the end we agreed that for the wedding we didn't want to spend more than 20k on food, attire, dj, etc, etc. and in the end we're pretty happy we didn't splurge. everyone already really liked the place we got married and it was really more about being there to see us get married than a big party, because of the people we chose to invite.
we paid for everything ourselves, but in our case money was tight so we spent everything we could save in a year and a half, without going into debt. We did have about 2 k of help from our combined 3 sets of parents (my mom bought my dress, and his mom bought our photog deposit of $500, and my dad gave us $500)
Our goal was to throw the best party we could afford. We prioritized the things our guests would care about- like food and music, and we only splurged on fancy decorations near the end, when I got an unexpected bonus from work.
My advice re; budget is decide who your wedding is for (ok if it is you, also ok if it is your guests) and decide what is most important to make that experiance perfect.
For me spending money isn't enjoyable (although I do fall head over heels for designer items, I always have buyers remorse) and that is one thing I don't want to have on my wedding day.
I'm 27 and FI is 31, this will be a 2nd marriage for both of us, neither of us had a wedding the first go around. There is a background to this as well.
My parents will be paying for the majority of our wedding, but we will still plan to be budget friendly. A lot of DIY will be happening! Also we are toying with the idea of having it at either my parents vineyard, his Dad's house next to the river, or a friends gorgeous custom home with beautiful flower gardens and a dance floor. Those options will not have a price tag attached, our friends also host many parties and weddings so we won't have to rent tables, place settings, chairs or anything. I'm hoping to keep this very cost effective and still have a beautiful day that we'll remember and cherish for a life time.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation. We are getting some money from my parents, but we are paying for the majority of the wedding. We have the funds to do what we want, but like you are also somewhat frugal. The way we ended up doing it was picking our venue - which is very expensive pp, but deciding to have a weddin on the smaller side. After I knew the vendor pp price and approximate guest list size, I forumlated a loose budget of what I thought I would spend on things. So far most vendors have come in right at, right above or right below where I set our budget. To save money, we haggled and negotiated with each vendor for a good deal, but overall we are trying not to stress about the money. The bottom line figure is huge, but as my (very, very frugal) FI says, we are getting a good "value" for the type of wedding we decided to have. Interestingly, he is tighter wtih his money generally but is fine with the cost of the wedding, whereas I more freely spend money day to day, but am stressed about the cost of the wedding. So long story short - I think you should determine the type of wedding you want to have and go from there. That doesn't mean pay top dollar for everything, but pick where you value spending hte most amount of money and go for it! :)
my parents said that you can have x amount of money. spend it how you like, spend what you want on the wedding, and keep the rest. they gave us the same amount that they spent on my brother's wedding which was pretty big. for me, i knew that i'd want to stay on a budget and have some money left over to put in the bank. we're not fancy people, and it just wasn't important to me to have a huge, lavish wedding. actually i prefer the exact opposite. but if you're a person who's going to regret not having a more expensive wedding, than i'd go for it.
My idea was to set 5 things (photographer, food, rings, reception venue, & alcohol) that would be our pricey items... the things that were most important to us & our guests. The rest would be DIY or done the cheapest way possible w/ the helpf of family and friends. Explore www.etsy.com for affordable and unique touches. Michael's was like a gold mine for me... I've been doing a lot of DIY and using a lot of coupons. Our wedding will look like it cost 2x more than it did and I do not regret one penny spent. Its not even one day... its just a matter of hours.
I just wanted to pop back in and update this thread. I really appreciate all the feedback so far.
I'm not sure we're any closer to making up our minds on the budget though. I think we're still mulling over a few things, but have agreed to 1.) keep the guest list small 2.) have it at a fantastic location (location really matters - we want a posh, fun locale)
I'll be sure to update again when we know more!
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I'm struggling to set a wedding budget for various reasons. My fiancee and I will be paying for the wedding ourselves, so the budget concerns are only ours (we don't need to bring in others on the discussion, etc). To give some background, we are both established and financially secure, in our early 30's. I have been fortunate to have built a relatively successful business over the past 5 years that has allowed me quite a bit of financial flexibility. We have a nice lifestyle and I am so appreciative and thankful.
What I struggle with is: where do I set the budget? I am kind of frugal by nature and the frivolity of the wedding industry does get to me somewhat. But, on the other hand, I feel that we work hard and can afford to have whatever kind of "dream wedding" we want. When I consider it more though, I think, "maybe something moderate or even budget would be ok. It's just one day."
We were able to come up with our list of A and B vendors pretty quickly. Where we are now is pulling the trigger on a date and which ones to book. But, much of those decisions will require us to get comfortable with a budget, either high, moderate, or low.
If you were spending your own money, would you have a lavish wedding? For those who spent much on their day, was it your money or was it gifted from family?
I would love to hear thoughts - is this enough of a great life case to splurge or is it unnecessary to have the high dollar wedding that is promoted by the industry?