(Closed) Setting the date and family conflicts

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
6144 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

There’s always going to be something “wrong” with a particular date. Whether its close to someone’s birthday, a family event, or a holiday. You just have to pick the date y’all want and hope that most people can make it. If you accommodate everyone’s issues, you’ll never pick a date. They are your family, hopefully they will understand.

Post # 4
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Just set the date that you and FI want. We’ve changed the date twice for various reasons, and now it’s a few days after Christmas…and people are giving us grief about it. My attitude at this point is “if you can’t make it, we’ll miss you”…but I’m not changing it for you!

 

Post # 5
Member
8513 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Personally, I would have not chosen that date knowing that  many people in your family would be affected.  It seems a little much to put blossoming plants ahead of people and a conflict such as this one.  It’s not as if early  June features snowstorms and blizzards.  

Post # 6
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It’s an annual event right? Well your wedding ISN’T an annual event. On the other hand, how important is this event to you? When wedding planning, you are going to have to make a few compromises. I agree with weddingmaven it’s not like it’s going to be bad weather in June.

Post # 7
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee

@ohno_kiki:  personally I would find it a bit annoying that out of all the weekends in the year you chose the one that always held an annual event. It seems intentional even if it is not. That said, it is your wedding and you can choose to have it when and how you like. Just be prepared for complaints & gossip. 

Post # 8
Member
8513 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I also think it’s one thing if there is some reason you wanted or needed to get married within a short period of time.  But to have a whole year and pick the ONE date that conflicts is another story.  I  agree with you that Mother’s Day is not a great  weekend for many people. 

Post # 9
Member
1728 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Someone is always going to complain.

 

Side story time (skip this if you want): I purposely set my wedding 3 1/2 months after my sister-in-law’s due date (she gave birth in December) so she would have time to recover. It also worked out well with everyone else. Guess who had a problem with it? The sister-in-law. As soon as I announced my engagement, she demanded to know when we were having the wedding (no congratulations, of course). She then told us we should have it in the fall so they could come (giving no apparent reason why they would not be able to earlier in the year).

 

When I told her the date we were thinking, she left this passive-aggressive gem: “Let us know the date for this wondrous event, that is if we’re even invited…haha.” I wanted to reach through that screen to punch and strangle her. No. She couldn’t be direct and explain why she wanted it at that time. She just decided to throw a baby fit after I told her we wouldn’t be having it around the time she wanted.

 

She almost had my husband going for it. She claimed that she couldn’t come 15 weeks post-delivery because of the baby. I asked my husband – what’s going to be different? By the time the kid’s a year old, it’s going to be a bigger pain at a wedding. She then decided to bring up that her husband may not have enough vacation time, then stalled for DAYS giving us an answer. Meanwhile, I had to sit and wonder if the date we had picked was about to disappear.

TL;DR/The Main Point: In the same shoes, I *may* consider moving the date. It’s fair to consider the food and photography you want, but I’d also evaluate how important these are to you and if you want to consider other vendors. However, this is an annual event that’s thrown every year – if I were them and I heard a wedding was going to occur…I’d simply move the event. It’s far, far, far less important than a one-time event. You can’t please everyone.

I’d tell everyone right now that it worked best for your vendors, and it worked best for you. Let them know that you understand if they can’t make it, but I’d be done with it. If they want to whine about their annual BARBECUE and *golf* event (let’s keep this in perspective here), let them.

 

Post # 10
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My wedding is going to be on my brother’s birthday next year 😛  My parents actually chose the date!  First thing I did was check with my brother to see he didn’t mind me stealing it 😛  (my parents were negotiating with the vendors, hence them sorting out the date.  we weren’t overly fussed).

I do think putting it on the same weekend as a long established family event isn’t ideal but then again if it’s the only weeekend that’s going to work for you, I wouldn’t be too stressed.  It’s only one year.  Plus, May 24th is my birthday!  So I reckon it’s a very good date 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1823 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree that choosing the weekend when there are long standing family plans is a bad idea.  You DO have other weekends to choose and I truly believe you will be the billpayer here when your family has to decide between their long standing plans and your wedding.  You don’t HAVE to choose that wedding, you just are.  I’m betting that isn’t going to fly well with them.  If you do this, you also need to be incredibly gracious if they decide to carry on with their annual plans.  I’m thinking this is a bad idea.

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