(Closed) Setting the guest list ground rules

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

It’s actually not a bad ground rule. I had to apply it to some of my (first) cousins in my ginormous family! Hopefully it didn’t tick anyone off. I guess if it does, I’ll never hear about it.

Okay, more seriously, the whole inviting ‘circles of friends and relatives’ rule, where if you want to invite one, you have to invite them all, is a really good idea if you don’t want to risk any hurt feelings. But (especially when you have a big family composed of really big circles of people) it doesn’t always works so well in practice. So, I selectively invited a couple of my mom’s cousins (one that lives in my home town, one that would always visit us for a couple weeks in the summer) and none of the others, not even their siblings. Some of my own cousins were cut, because I don’t really know them and haven’t seen them in years… The list goes on and on for my atrocities. Sure, most of them wouldn’t come anyway, but I didn’t want to deal with the extra invitations, addresses, and phone calls when they failed to RSVP.

We got to set our own guest list because we paid for the wedding. I tried to get feedback to see if any feelings would be hurt, and my mom was pretty hands off. I’m sure, like most of her hands off areas, she will make sure to criticize me now that it’s too late to do anything about it….

Post # 4
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

That’s not a bad rule.

My rule was if I haven’t seen them or spoken to them in a year, they’re off the list.

My mom has many, MANY 2nd and 3rd cousins, for us to invite them all would shoot our guest list up to 200 people! (we’re only inviting 125 right now) so I totally think you’re on track with your opinion. No matter what you do, someone will get upset.

Post # 5
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I agree with that rule and think it is a good place to start. My family and FI family are huge! My Dad has 7 brothers and sisters, mom has tons of cousins, his mom’s family has seven siblings as well, plus marriages, cousins, etc. At first I felt we should only include people we both know because we have met the "important" people in each family…then I decided we could invite people as long as we have either talked to them within a year or if we recieved a Christmas card from them…for some reason I get really offended if I take the time to send out Christmas cards but people don’t send them back! I think I might need to include your rule as well.

Post # 6
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Meggs604, we set our cut off at "if I we wouldn’t recognize them on the street, they’re not invited" as well. My dad’s original guest list, just his alond, was about 500 people. It was everyone he’s ever met in his life – family, friends, old college roomies etc etc. All these people are people he knows…but it was getting ridiculous, I mean most of his old college buddies still live in Europe and I’ve never met or heard of them and I’m not sure they even know I exist. So, they’re not invted. His college buddies who I’ve known for years and years and call "aunt" and "uncle"? They’re invited. Inviting relatives just because they’re related adds so many extra people to the list which adds more to the overall bill.

Post # 7
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Eh, I think it’s fine to only invite one cousin.  We did that and no one’s complained yet!  🙂

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