Setting up a registry is tacky? Really?????

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee

@ilovemariah4:  The idea of gifts has to be so secret and hidden. Someone told me that putting registry info on the shower invite is tacky. What the HELL. It is to SHOWER with gifts! Why does it have to be some big secret??

Post # 4
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@ilovemariah4:  I’m of the school of thought that registry info should not be included on invites .  Your reasons for registering are all totally valid and creating a registry is not tacky.  In my region it is the norm.  However, my guests can find my registry by using google or wedding channel or heck, even my wedding website.  If they don’t use a computer they can ask my mom or my best friend where we are registered.  I don’t think I need to include it in the invite for us both to reap the many benefits registries provide.

That being said, I don’t negatively judge those that choose to include registry info in invites, I get them a gift off their registry regardless of where I found the info.

Post # 5
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

This is a pretty standard school of thought and most people around here will agree with the blog. You can register, but you shouldn’t include it with your invitations. If someone wants to buy you a gift they will ask, or find your registry.

That being said, it also has to do with your crowd, and what is standard in your circle.

Post # 6
Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@ilovemariah4:  Just to warn you, I made this same argument a few weeks ago and was called ungrateful, gift-grabby, tacky, greedy, and probably a few more. But, I totally agree with you. 

Post # 7
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My mom and I where having a discussion similar to this last night.  There are times where people who strictly follow Emily Post need to realize Ettiqute is about what is doing what is best for your guests and not always about what people say it is.  Is it best for my guests from various stages in my life to have to dig for my registry information?   Not all of them know my parents or wedding party members. 

As a guest, I beg all brides to make it easy for me to know what to get you.  If that means telling me where you are registered, please list it on the invite.  If that means you want cash, please put something like “we aren’t registered.” 

Post # 8
Member
10988 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

It’s not at all tacky for couples to register for gifts.  Registering is perfectly fine, because it allows guests who proactively wish to find out what your preferences are  to find them. It also does what you noted —  helps to prevent too many duplicate gifts.

However, formal etiquette in the US does indeed frown upon couples including registry information in wedding invitations, because it makes reference to gifts, something that is not considered to be polite.

Etiquette DOES allow couples to include links to their registry information on their wedding websites, however, since guests must choose to visit the website (vs. having the information forced upon them in an event invitation.)

Finally, even guests who know about a couple’s wedding registry may choose not to refer to it, instead preferring to select a more personalized gift of their own choosing.

Post # 9
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@ilovemariah4:  

The blog is correct. it is rude to put registry information on an invitation. Why? Because an invitation does not come with the expectation of a gift. Gifts are given freely by the giver. If gifts were required, they would be called “the price of admission” and not a gift.

It is not impolite to have a registry. If your guests want to buy you something off your registry, they will ask you “hey, where are you registered?” and then you can tell them. It’s really not that complicated. Trust me, your guests will figure it out if they want to.

Post # 10
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sorry but I agree with the blog. I don’t think registry information should be included on the invite. The last one we got they used those little printed cards from BB&B and the black ink rubbed off all over their invite. Real cute.

Post # 11
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I put a card in the invites and a link on my website. Why? I don’t give a fuck really. If someone is offended and doesn’t get me a gift because of it, I hope they enjoyed my open bar and free food. I also was an idiot and put our website on the actual RSVP card..so people sent them back and most didn’t even see the website.

 

Giving a gift should be because you want to, and choosing not to because of stupid etiquette rules is on them..not me.

 

Post # 12
Member
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think it tacky, and I find it ridiculously stupid when people think it is. Really? Who cares! If you’re buying a gift anyways, why not just get something you know the couple wants! I love registries. Makes it so much easier to shop for someone!

Post # 13
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

You know what I think? I think it’s tacky to call people tacky!! 

 

A bridal shower isn’t called a shower because the guests all stand in a circle and hose down the bride. It’s to shower her with gifts… that’s what it’s for! So yes, gifts are expected and personally I find it helpful to know what they want. I have my FSIL’s bridal shower in a week and I have no clue what to get her  because she isn’t registered it would be so much easier if she was and I knew where. I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t include the info but I just don’t think it’s that big a of deal. I’m really starting to hate the idea of etiquette rules, yes it’s important to be polite but I feel like it just gives people confidence that they are justfied in being judgemental.

Post # 14
Member
8018 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Registering is the polite, traditional thing to do. people can use it if it’s helpful to them, and most people appreciate them- the guests and the couples. 

Inlcuding the info on the invite is a breech of traditional etiquette- it’s like saying “gift required” which is the antithesis of hosting. Registry traditionally  is shared through word of mouth or more recently the wedding website. 

To me, putting it on a shower is helpful because thats the purpose of a shower and it’s not the bride herself suggesting it. 

Post # 15
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Word Of Mouth.  seriously.  People will either ask YOU or your parents or other people going to the wedding.  It may be your first wedding… but alot of people have had weddings with out including the info for the “gift grab”.  Who says you’re going to get anything anyway.

Post # 16
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

oh and the title of this thread is misleading.  No one said not to set up a registry, just don’t stick in with the invite.  

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