Severe depression ruining my life..

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

anxiousbee22:  It’s a good thing that you recognize your depression. Having suicidal thoughts means you need to take the next step NOW! Get yourself to your doctor immediately. If you don’t know for sure that you can keep yourself safe overnight, go to the ER.

Your friends are uneducated about depression if they think that you can just suck it up and stop being depressed.

Post # 3
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

anxiousbee22:  Please see your physician ASAP.  It sometimes takes anti-depressants about 2 weeks to start working.  You may have to try several to find one that works for you.  Therapy may also help in addition.  If you have suicidal thoughts and have a plan, call a helpline, call somebody!!  This scenario doesn’t have to be your life for the next 40 years.  Please don’t tell yourself that, or believe it.  There will be other choices.  If you can– hang in there with the job for the meantime.  You don’t just suck it up with depression.  It will not get better on it’s own, get treatment!  You wouldn’t tell a person with diabetes to just suck it up.  Depression sucks, but life does get better even though at the moment, it doesn’t seem like it ever will.  Hang in there and get HELP!!  Hugs.

Post # 5
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Try therapy. My depression was triggered in a similar way to yours – doing a job I hated waking up to which left me so (mentally) exhausted I barely got out of bed on my days off. Therapy helped me set small achievable goals that boosted my mood and helped me get through each day. I’m so far from that dark place now I almost can’t believe I was stuck there for over a year! 

Go talk to a professional – don’t suffer for another five months. 

Good luck ☺

Post # 6
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Sorry to hear you’re dealing with this. It really does suck especially when you see no end in the near future. I’m a huge advocate for quitting anything that makes you miserable. You can always hustle up a way to make some money but will never get back those 8 hours of your life everyday. Regardless of your decision to stay or quit, I think a few therapy sessions would be very helpful. Have you applied to part time social media marketing or virtual assistant positions? No benefits, less hours, smaller paychecks but you could supplement with graphic design freelance work (elance.com, creativecircle.com, etc). Your life will only end up a 40 hr per week desk job if you let it. Find your balance between passion and security.

Post # 7
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Go to therapy. Get help. Ask your fiance, your parents, his parents, your best friends, your boss– in short, anyone you feel comfortable talking to– to help you through this. It sounds like your job is making you unhappy, but this level of depression is more than just your job, and I suspect that you could benefit from at least talk therapy, if not some medication to help take the edge off. I went through severe depression and anxiety while my mother was ill, and I had to take medication during that period. It wasn’t forever, it didn’t change me as a person, it didn’t mean I was weak. It just helped take the edge off of my depression and help me think like a rational person again.  

In addition to this help, I think you should continue looking for other jobs, and they don’t have to be “perfect” or forever jobs, either. If you think you would be happier doing something like retail, then do it. As long as you can pay your bills. Don’t get down on yourself for not having found another ideal position yet, it’s a tough market, and when you are depressed it can sometimes seem like the world is against you. I guess I mean that it affects how you percieve the world and how you present yourself, so what may not be as difficult a task when you are healthy suddenly becomes even more of a challenge. 

 

Good luck! 

Post # 8
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

anxiousbee22:  If you’re thinking suicide is an option you must talk to a profesional, please do this immediately. Lots of people have difficulty whn they finish school, it’s just impossible to NOT think that as soon as you get out that you’ll have this ballin’ job right out of the gates and that’s usually not the reality. I had some serious depression that was 100% triggered by not having a job that I loved, and i was a miserable bitch for a long time. It sucks that your friends aren’t educated about depression, this is where YOU have to be your own advocate and reach out to someone who IS educated and can help you. Make yourself do something about your situation, whatever you do don’t just sit in this stasis. I got help, changed by career entirely and now I’m a different person. 

Use the resources that are available to you and just keep searching, something amazing is likely just around the corner. Good luck babe!

Post # 9
Member
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Yes I have overcome depression. It happened after a break up and havino a job that was very stressful and nor secure. I went to therapy and needed to take Prozac for about eight months. It was absolutely the worst time of my life but I’m thankful I got the help I did. A job change made all the difference for me. I have suffered from anxiety for a long time. I had my first panic attack twelve years ago. Therapy helped so much and learning skills to deal with my anxiety. Today it affects me far less but in those rare cases when I have an attack I take Ativan. You can get through this but you need support before the situation gets any worse. And feeling this way is nothing to be ashamed of. I have always been open about my anxiety and it is something so many people suffer from. 

Post # 10
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

 anxiousbee22:   I think that 

julies1949:  creativeplannertobee:  both stress the importance of calling and getting immediate help if you have suicidal thoughts.  I will also agree with that bit of advice since it is the most important advice you will get.  

My story I became depressed during my first marriage.   We got married in March by May I wanted a divorce he became physically abusive etc..  I went into crisis mode.  Which is where I think you are because of the black out.  This was in 1996.  I have been on medication ever since.  I don’t want to now how I am without my meds because depression is a beast.  A beast that eats away at everything that you are and have become or even wish to be.  Call tomorrow and explain the bathroom incident and all of your feelings.   Please tell them truthful how you feel about suicide.  (You don’t have to tell us)  Any Dr will fast track you based on the bathroom incident alone.  You may need meds, therapy, or both.  Most people only need them for a hot time.  Some people also need an anxiety med as well as a mood stabilizer.  There is no shame in any of it.  Please remember that.  Do what you need to do in order to either conquer the depression beast or to the the beast.   You are not alone.  You are loved.  Those that are telling you to such it up have never been depressed or they would be telling you that.  Everyone handles life differently.   Find the help you need not what others think or feel you should do.  Only you can decide along with a Dr how much help you need.  I hope you find help fast so you can go on day to day.  

Post # 11
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

anxiousbee22:  It sounds like the situation you are in and thoughts you are having would be overwhelming for anyone. You’ve already taken the first step by acknowledging the way you are feeling and reaching out. I’m sorry that your friends don’t understand the situation – some people just don’t get it, but all the bees here who are commenting definitely do, and we feel you.

Don’t stop now – keep going. This is too big of a situation for you to handle on your own. If you broke your arm you wouldn’t try to suck it up and fix it yourself – you’d put your trust in the medical professionals who are experts in the matter. Depression and mental health are no different. It’s an illness, and there are a lot of strategies out there that can make a big difference (including medications and/or counselling). I promise you there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it makes me so sad to think of you feeling like there isn’t. 

I would encourage you to not make any big decisions about your job just now. Start by making an appointment with your doctor to come up with a plan for your wellbeing, which will hopefully involve some therapy. A counsellor or therapist will be able to help you work out the best path for you in terms of these big choices you are thinking about with your job and career.

In the meantime, for the love of god, be kind and compassionate to yourself, and don’t deny yourself the help you deserve that will bring the fun back into life for you (and you and your FI), instead of just surviving. Let us know how you get on. Sending you the warmest vibes.

Post # 12
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

anxiousbee22:  I also should have actually said my suggestions come from my own experience. I’ve been right there at the lowest and scariest of lows, and am still on the path to recovery at the moment. I have good days and bad, but feel a million times better and more present than I did a few months ago.

On my more difficult days I don’t really find myself worrying about how I feel either – life’s for living now, and I find ways to make sure I do that because now I can accept that things are never ‘perfect’, but they can still be pretty damn good. Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I have similar issues juggling work and uni with only one day off. I am moving uni and house to make it better. First thing I’d reccomend working less. Either quit the retail jkb or not work Monday’s. Having a ‘weekend’ has made a huge huge difference for me. Go see a counselor and consider anti depressants, again made a massive difference to my life. Consider a different career? Maybe go back to school? I changed majors and couldn’t be happier. Or find a better job not related to your field while you look for your dream job. 50-60hours a week sucks! Seriously. Currently I’m taking a semester off and including transport it’s about 50 a week. I hate it.but I’m lucky enough to love my job.

I have had on and off depression and panic attacks for the past years. Counseling has helped a lot. Meds have helped more. Dropping some responsibility has helped most. I’ll probably be on meds my entire life because my issues is genetic. I Still struggle. But I don’t cry anywhere near as much. I never had suicidal or self harm thoughts. I am just tired all the time. But knowing by March everything will be different keeps me going.

This is the most important part. DONT BE ASHAMED. Talk to anyone you trust. Tell your FI everything. My fiance has been my rock, he keeps me stable when I get super anxious. Any time you have suicidal thoughts. Tell your FI, tell your mum, you friend or call a hotline. Whatever you prefer. 

Feel free to pm me. I know strangers can be easier sometimes. I know it sucks right now but it will get better. I promise.

Post # 14
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Marquee - Private Property

There is nothing wrong with asking for help.

I have regular anxiety, almost daily, and it’s debilitating. It’s a vicious cycle because that makes you so exhausted, but then you’re too anxious to sleep, which makes the anxiety and depression worse. I understand how confronting it can be not only to talk to somebody, but to feel this way in general. Feeling out of control of your own emotions is a scary thing.

Talk to your FI, and try and focus on things that are in the present moment that bring you joy when you start panicking. I know that sounds silly, but whatever is in front of you physically, try and draw yourself back with that. And talk to somebody, please please please.

NB – your friends need to be educated on the seriousness of anxiety and depression.

Post # 15
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

Hi, I’m just commenting to say I sent you a personal message (Incase you log on through your other account to check this post). 

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