Severe post engagement anxiety

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

To me, this does not sound like regular nerves.  It’s no wonder that his possessiveness is now a huge issue to you – because now your thinking about living with it for the rest of your life.  

You should seek guidance from a professional, but to me it does not sound good.  Proceed with caution.  

Post # 4
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

So nerves are totallllly normal. I knew my FI had bought my ring before he actually proposed and I was sick to my stomach every night about it. Now that we are in full planning mode, I get nervous every now and then, but nothing like before.

Your situation is a little different, because have a daily issue probably isn’t very healthy. You could end the engagement if your heart and head agree that this isn’t something you can do for the rest of your life. You could also try pre-marital counseling. That could help stregthen your relationship or make you realize you do not need to be married.

Post # 5
Hostess
4941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Kslim13:  I agree that due to your past relationship issues, this sounds like more than just normal engagement nerves. I would consider going to pre-marital counseling with your fiance to sort things out. The last thing that you want is to start a marriage with pre-existing issues that aren’t settled. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

@Kslim13:  Have you considered going to couseling?

 

It sounds like you guys might have a lot of issues that should be worked out BEFORE you get married. Maybe having a professional outside opinion will help point you in the right direction and help you realize what it is that you really want and [more importantly] what it is that you really need. 

Post # 7
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Kslim13:  I was ready to say “Don’t worry”, but what you’re describing is WAY past normal concerns.

You two sound like you have some very legitimate issues with trust. I would definitely fix those (with the help of a therapist or priest or whatever) before you even start thingking about planning…

Post # 9
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Your sudden burst of severe anxiety is your subconscious mind telling you something is wrong. Please really consider what it is your signing on to. Your FI’s possessive behaviour is indicative of an extremely insecure and paranoid person. Listen to your anxiety and hear what its trying to tell you.

Post # 10
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I went through it and now its gone away and I love FI so much. A friend and her husband are great together & she went through it too. I think she saw a therapist. 

Post # 11
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

That kind of sounds like emotional abuse. I would leave him. There’s also no trust in your relationship, which is another reason to either go to counselling or end it.

When I first started dating my fiancé, we hung out so much, that when I told him I had plans, he would be all “oh I thought we were hanging out” and I would be annoyed that apparently we were scheduled to hang out every single day we were dating. I told him that I shouldn’t have to “feel bad” if I want to spontaneously decide I’m going to a movie with my sister in an hour, or make plans to have a girls night that weekend. Since then both of us freely do what we please and just let each other know what we have planned, and since we live together now we have even more time to hang out! We also had trust problems in the beginning only because my FI had always heard about long time girlfriends of his friends cheating on them, and it made him nervous. We have 0 trust issues now.

ETA: I also think you don’t have an open communication line with him. You should be able to say “I am not comfortable moving forward with our relationship unless you do something about your insecurities.”

 

Post # 12
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Kslim13:  possessiveness and cheating aren’t qualities i want in a life partner. 

don’t rush into a wedding.  since you are already engaged, reeveluate your relationship with yourself and with your partner and see if this is really what you both want.

Post # 14
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Kslim13:  Sure, you hurt him in the past and you two “seemingly” moved on. But he needs to know that he can’t just propose to you and that means he gets to control your every move. If he wasn’t ready to trust you and be happy with you, then that is something he needed to address before trying to force a solution via engagement. Cheating can be something that relationships get past, but it has to be something that both people are really willing to work through. Good Luck with your decisions

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