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hahaha this is hilarious. parents can be so purposefully blind sometimes.
Haha... thanks. My dad just doesn't uderstand sometimes. I try to keep up the humor because I think sometimes it his meds. :)
R's grandma is really sensitive about this yet somehow brings it up often! R and I live together, but one time on a family vacation she threw a fit when R's mom assumed we'd sleep in the same bed. Also, when we told her we were engaged she said, "oh! you're planning a short engagement?" when we said long, she looked so disappointed!
She's a good sport, but I think it's funny how concerned she is for our morals because to me it's such a non-issue. I know for a lot of people it's important though. The funny thing is R is the only guy I've ever been with, and the only guy I ever plan on being with, so not promiscuous by any standards.
@lilyfaith I am in the same boat with my FI. He was my first anything and everything and wouldn't chage that for anything.
My problem is when people tell me that I can't love him because he is my first... have you have this issue? I get offended and just don't understand.
@DIY Rae:
Yesyesyes and it irks me to no end. It happened more when we were younger, because we started dating at 14. All through high school people told us we should break up, date other people, etc. But we were happy, worked through problems, and I just had this feeling that he was the one.
People we know don't really ask me anymore how I know I really love him, but I've had acquaintances and even random people I've just met tell me that. I get a lot of, "how do you know there's no one else out there?" which really isn't logical because you could never date every possible marriage prospect out there. Luckily we have time on our side (been together 5 1/2 years) so that tends to quiet at least some people.
Another one is, "you'll want to sow your oats later" - um, just because you did/do doesn't mean I will. I much prefer my love- and passion-filled relationship to a one night stand that would sow any oats.
@lilyfaith I am glad im not the only on out there. I met him when I was 17, we did wait almost a year before having sex. Now going on 5 years together, all the ups and downs... I know I want to spend every day of my life with him.
And I agree that there is no way to test the waters with other men. How could someone assume that another guy you meet would possibly be "the one"?
My personal philosophy is that you gotta try it before you buy it. lol
Nothing at all against those who choose otherwise. I respect everyones personal choices.
@zippylef That's a nice personal philosophy. :) My sister agrees.
We tried to be celibate since our proposal, but the flesh is weak. We are trying to stay 'pure' till we get married. We're doing pretty good so far.
@thefuturemrsgibbs I considered it, but then I realized that I was too weak. Good luck and I hope you make it, not too much longer. :)
So you two have a kid together? Do you also live together?
Oh I see. My bro and my FSIL are in the same situation as you probably are in they're engaged, living together and have a baby. They don't quite have the date set as far as I know. I mean it would be kind of hard for my bro to leave his gf and baby move out and both of them remain celebate until they get married or stay in the house and sleep in different beds. Not saying he does these things, but I would probably talk to him about trying this although the conversation would be a little awkward. (way too awkward to actually happen). But is that what your dad thinks you guys should do?
Yea. He thinks that we need to be seperate and all this (in my opinion) unrealistic stuff. I respect his opinion, but I couldn't spend a night without my son and neither could he. I could get away with the no sex thing for awhile, as we have before because of the little one.
Maybe your dad should have sat you guys down for this type of conversation before the baby?
Maybe... things were alot different then. I knew what I was doing when I did it, we both did. My son is a miracle and I wouldn't change my decision for anything. (Wasn't able to have kids, genetic problems... long story short... here I am 4 years after being diagnosed, with a child. )
I love babies! I agree they are a miracle. (I don't have any kids yet)
My fiance and I have been intimate. We were each others first. I'm not ashamed that we've been together though I think about the pride that comes with waiting until your married and I think that is amazing. I wouldn't change a thing though. We've talked about abstaining a few months before the wedding, but have come to know definate decisions.
My mom wanted to know how "consummating my marriage" was going. LOL. EEEK no thanks. No details please. Erm, we've been sleeping together since I was 19. I'm now 24. I think we're managing ok, no?
Oh and she was in our bedroom once, CLEANING (against my wishes) and probably found our vibrator. Oh and my mom bought us a kama sutra and some lube for a bachelorette party gift. Eek. Maybe she DOES wnat grandkids now, LOL. But really, she's always been open about how sex is healthy in a marriage.
She's always known though--i was on her insurance and I started birth control. She was always "well if you're going to have sex, don't be an idiot about it, use birth control!" so while she didn't encourage me to, she wasn't naive that a 19 year old MIGHT have sex =]
We did abstain while he was LDR and when he was deployed. We decided to wait about a week we got engaged (he was in iraq for 8 more months) and then wait until our wedding though, for tons of reasons. But not celibate. Just no sex.
When I told my mom I was dating a 27 year old guy, she said, "it must have been hard for him to celibate until now." LOL. We had sex on our first date, and I'm not ashamed at all. It was great, and its been great ever since.
I regret having sex with my ex (unhealthy relationship :( ), my first. I have absolutely no regret about doing it with FI (my second, his first). I have absolutely no qualms with premarital sex and don't think my desire to do it makes me 'weak' or 'impure'. It's a natural inclination that every animal has, and as humans it has the added bonus of bringing more intimacy (emotionally) into a relationship.
About parents: it's funny, my dad always hinted at the fact that FI and I might be having sex, then when he found a box of condoms in my drawer it was all over, haha. My mom has no idea. She'd probably be shocked and mortified. I don't even know if she assumes we kiss, lol. My parents waited till they were married, mainly because my mom had a history of sexual abuse and had weird feelings towards sex in general. They don't have any moral issues with premarital sex, either; I just think that like most parents they don't want to think about their baby...you know.
I'm also a try it before you buy it believer.
FI and I have been having sex for almost 7 years haha.
FI slept with one person before we met, and I told him I'm waiting.
We've been together for 4.5 years and have 1.5 until the wedding. He's taken the liberty of telling everyone it doesn't matter where we honey moon because we're not leaving the hotel . . . it was even more mortifying when my dad laughed. Oh man. . .
Anyway! Yes, I'm waiting and soooo excited for the 'big event' in the future. Sometimes I wish FI would've waited instead of sleeping with his high school girlfriend all those years ago, but hey, you can't chage the past.
I don't mind if people do it or don't, but personally, just for me, I makes me more confident aobut the relationship. I'm totally confident that we're meant to be together - I know that physical attraction hasn't 'overshadowed' our emotional/mental connection.
That being said, we are def pysically attrated to each other and I don't mind listening to my girlfriends' stories hahaha.
More power to everyone!
This is a funny thread. When my FI and I started getting serious and he traveled home with me on holidays, surprisingly, my parents put us both in my old bedroom. I really thought they would want us in different rooms. I asked my mom about it and suggested she and my dad might prefer us to be in different rooms and she said, "Miss Olive, honey, we can drop the pretense. If something is not going on between you two at your ages, I think something would be wrong." That was the end of that conversation.
My FI and I are waiting till marriage. We've been together for 4.5 years and there's still about 1.5 years till the wedding, so it's a long wait, but we know it will be worth it!!!!!!!!
Also waiting for religous reasons, it gets hard sometimes but it makes it that much special.
my FI and i have been living together for the past 7/8 months, i lived on my own (my parents living 10 hours away) for the last two years before that...
and i've had other serious boyfriends before FI... and my lovely, naive mom still thinks that i am a virgin.
and i will never let her think otherwise.
:)
my dad on the other hand probably knows that i'm not, but would never talk about it with me... tho he's tried to tell me about his past sex life (GAG ME).
mind you, my parents are boater, traditional, Christian Korean parents who think the world of their daughter (ME!) :D... i'd never want to be the one to break their hearts that way.
i let them think whatever their lil hearts desire!
as far as friends and brother and younger cousins... obvi my friends know and kid about having babies, and brother/cousins just recently "found out" in the last couple of years... even tho i lost "it" almost ten years ago. LOL.
Luckily we're an encore couple so nobody is a virgin or could even be mistaken for one. That sticky situation just luckily passes us by!
My ex used to spend the night with me at my parents when I was 18, so yeah I know they knew we were having sex then (just not sure if they thought he was my first). I am totally all about trying before buying, I also had to live with him for a length of time before I would marry him. Just some prereqs that I had to get out fo the way before I was absolutely sure 
You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it, right? And you don't (usually) keep a car for more than 10 years! Just sayin'.
No awkward talks actually, everybody just kind of knows the relationship we have because we're so lovey-dovey!! But now we're married so it doesn't matter as much :)
Try it before you buy it :p
Truth be told I wasn't sure if I was 'ready' to be with someone in that sense, to be that intimate with someone else after such a long string of bad relationships. We did wait a while, until I could sort myself out.
Couldn't be any more happier, and I'm glad too; no more awkward moments!
I actually saved the e-mail my mom sent me about this because I thought this was hilariously cute. When Dave and I first moved in together after 6 months of dating, she knew something was up.
" you should be busy for moving prepare. one thing i would like to tell you that men is not best part nor living together, so, please do not pregnant. as your mother, it is so sad to say this. but if you want to live with men, this topics is inevitable. you should take care yourself, protect yourself. even parents cant help anything for it. if you get married with dave i will be very happy when you get baby. you know everything. no mention anymore. we love you . take care. Mom."
Well, I did "get married with Dave" and she is happy :D And we can't wait to "get" a baby either. My mom is an adorable Asian mom and that's what made our "sex talk" so fun!
I'm a 'try before you buy' lady as well. Me and FI have both been with 1 other person and don't regret that we were with them in that way. I made him wait 1 month before I was ready to do anything. We would sleep together (in the literal sense of snoring side by side) with some form of clothing on before we got to that point. I was determined not to rush into things though.
My mum is of the opinion that if I was to be having sex, she'd rather I was safe and in my room or something than in a park or back alley as I'd had nowhere to go. She is also the one who suggested and bought a double bed while I was away at university.
His mother made us sleep in separate beds up until a year or so ago. I don't know what she thought we did when we were at university or at my parents. He had a word with her after we were together about 3 years and after that we've been allowed to stay in the same room.
My grandmother always offered use of her back bedroom. She is incredibly intrigued as to how my cousin (same age) and I go about were we go with our respective partners to sleep. She used to offer the spare room at her house! (my mum would fib to her and say he was on the airbed at ours). My cousin's mum would say very bluntly to her "he's a boy, he's 25, where do you think he's sleeping?!"
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Ok, so my dad sat me down for an awkward sex before marriage talk. At the endof the conversation, I was thinking... "Dad, we have a son together, really?"
This brought me to thinking how many of us are in the same boat... if you don't mind sharing? :)
Has anyone had any awkward convo's with parents, friends, etc about this?