Sex before marriage vs no sex until marriage

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I didn’t wait till marriage but I have only ever slept with my husband, and he with me.

It hurt the first time quite a lot. I cried.

The second time was slightly less painful, then soon it felt great. Now I can’t get enough! Haha.

Post # 3
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

We didn’t wait, and we weren’t each other’s firsts. I woud never marry someone I hadn’t slept with. Sexual compatibility is incredibly important to me.

Post # 4
1806 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - EDD Aug '15

Hyperventilate:  +1

Sexual conpatibility is really important, not just ability level but preferences and frequency too. You can’t know any of those points without ‘trying before you buy’.

I bled my first time but I don’t really remember it hurting too much.

Post # 5
325 posts
Helper bee

Try before you buy – marriage is one thing in life that doesn’t come with a receipt or a great return policy. Being sexually satisfied is highly important. Personally, I had sex for the first time very young, and I’m glad I’ve had experience and variety. 

Post # 7
105 posts
Blushing bee

We didn’t wait because it was his 2nd marriage, and I’m in my 30ies (but I have had sex only with 2 men previously, because I feel comfortable doing it only within serious relationship). Anyway, my first try was really painful and it turned out that I need surgery before having sex unless I want to bleed really bad and be rushed to hospital. I don’t want to know how it would be to find out such issue in wedding night…

Our wedding night was special, though, because we used condoms as birth control while dating, and this was the first time without, so DH was really excited 🙂

Post # 8
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Backyard

I think no sex before marriage is very romantic. For me, I’ve only ever been with my fiance, and yes, it did hurt quite a lot the first time. 

Post # 9
254 posts
Helper bee

We didn’t wait, but I’ve only ever been with FH, it was very painful the first time 

Post # 10
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

We did not have sex before marriage. We are traditional and knew that we would make it work because we want to please each other. All aspects in marriage are give and take. It actually did not hurt for me the first time. We took it slow and ended up doing it twice in one night and I was fine!

Post # 11
677 posts
Busy bee

Ap2010:  I’ve never heard a woman say that her first time didn’t hurt, for what that’s worth. But if you’re with someone you love and go slowly, it shouldn’t be devastating.

Post # 12
1116 posts
Bumble bee

Ap2010:  I didn’t wait for marriage (or for my fiance for that matter), sexual compatability is important in a marriage so it’s quite a risk to not try before you make the lifelong commitment but I also don’t see anything wrong with two consenting adults having sex outside of marriage or with no expectation of marriage occuring (assuming they are safe, have the same expectations of the situation (one night stand, monogomous relationship whatever) and no one is expected to get hurt (so no cheating etc)).

My first time didn’t hurt, but I was happy and relaxed. A lot of pain and discomfort comes from being tense or not properly lubricated or the bloke going too fast/hard straight away rather than there being a specific biological reason that first time sex will hurt. If you both take it slowly and go at your pace (and probably use lube) it should be fine.

Post # 13
7025 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ap2010:  We waited. This was primarily for religious reasons – we are Christians.

Just putting the case against the “try before you buy” argument: if you wait until you marry then you learn together with no fear of the other leaving over supposed incompatibility. Also, there’s a huge change throughout a marriage anyway, especially if you have kids.

Yes the first time hurt, or to be precise it would have hurt if I hadn’t stopped him before he went too far in. It took several tries (over several days) before he could get all the way in.

Post # 14
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Hyperventilate:  Couldn’t agree with you move. I’m not ashamed to say I’ve slept with other men before my FI and I definitely know what I like and don’t like. I would not go into a marriage with out having sex first. My best friend on the flip side has slept with over 6 men and ever since she met her now FI she has decided that she will be abstinent until they are married for religious reasons. I find it a bit weird since neither of them are virgins..

Post # 15
241 posts
Helper bee

we waited (christians) and no regrets. it hurt and took us a good few days to get the hang of but all great now!

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