- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
Most of the posts I found were too old or regarding BF moms. I was going to go anon since this is kind of embarrassing for me (and I don’t get embarrassed easy), so please be gentle.
I don’t have a very high sex drive to begin with (maybe once a week, if even that), so I am taking this issue really hard. It didn’t need to get worse, you know? I had my son 4 months ago, and my sex drive is kaput. I think we have DTD maybe a handful of times. I feel so bad for my husband even though he is patient and understanding. I was breastfeeding up until about two months ago or so. I don’t even pump anymore, and I comfort nurse maybe once a week.
Yes, I’m tired, but it isn’t even that. Even on a night when DH wakes up with our son, or I get a nap in, I still don’t have any interest. I don’t think about it at all, and when I do it seems like a lot of work, almost like another thing I’d have to do. I work all day, help take care of our son when I get home, we eat, I work out, give DS a bath, bottle, put him to bed, and at that point I just want to put on my favorite pair of sweats and lay on the couch and watch Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives. Even if after work or even on a Saturday, thinking about DTD at 10 in the morning or whatever doesn’t seem appealing. I’m still very attracted to DH, and I love him a lot, and I remember loving it so much when we would do it, but now if he even so much as kisses my neck more than twice, I just get that “not interested” look on my face. Like I have no part of me that gets aroused at all.
I know I could bite the bullet and just do it, but I don’t want sex to become that (where I just lay there bored, wondering when it will be over). No sex is better than fake sex, IMO. I want to get that feeling back of enjoying myself and wanting to do it. Even with my low sex drive before baby, I’d at least force myself to start it because I knew I’d enjoy it and 5 minutes into kissing I’d be so into it, but that doesn’t happen anymore, and that’s what makes me sad. I do not have low self-esteem since having my son or feel self-concious. If anything, it’s better. I am eating well, working out, and I feel great.
DH and I definitely aren’t as touchy-feely as we once were before DS though. We kiss each other goodbye in the morning and goodnight, we will hug, but as far as any other touching, we really don’t anymore. We don’t hold hands or even snuggle on the couch. I think this MAY be part of the problem. If he starts kissing my neck, I think he wants sex, and I’m quick to distract myself with something to not have to go there. I think he’s afraid to kiss my neck or put his ars around my waist, even innocently, because he doesn’t want to get rejected, and I don’t blame him. I’d probably not want to touch someone either if they ran away every time I did. I don’t know if we need to try to be affectionate for a week or two with the understanding that it will not lead to sex, and see if my drive comes back? Or is it because of my hormones? I am on BC (norethindrone) and have been since my 12 week PP appointment.
I am just unsure what the definite cause is and how to fix this and how long to wait before I can consider it problem enough to maybe see my doctor. Thanks for any insight you guys can offer.