- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
So I hope this isn’t too personal. But I’m just frustrated and want to know if I’m not the only one going through this.
My fiance and I first had sex about 3 years ago (he was just my boyfriend at the time). It was pretty painful, but at the time that is what I was expecting it to be like. After about 15 minutes, I couldn’t take anymore.
For a few months after the first time, we would have sex usually about once a week, or once every two weeks, when we could steal little moments alone (we were both living at home with our parents at the time so it was hard to find alone time).
At the time, it seemed as if the pain had decreased a bit, but not much. What I could describe it is that when he would first be inside me, it felt like I was way too small and I might rip my vagina. Once we started going, I would feel incredibly raw like it was sandpaper being rubbed on me. I could feel my g-spot, and that felt good, but that feeling was overpowered by the pain.
After several months of this, we decided to stop until I could figure out what was going on. At the time, I had been on birth control for about a year.
We started trying to have sex again recently. I had been to the gynecologist earlier this year and she told me that there was nothing physically wrong with me other than having a slightly smaller than normal vaginal opening. Needless to say, gynecologist exams are excrutiating and I dread them so much. I used to be able to wear super tampons, before I was put on bc, but now I can only manage to wear lites, and even these feel uncomfortable sometimes.
When we tried to have sex, the raw, burning, tearing feeling was worse than ever. We couldn’t even go on and we had to stop. My fiance is the best because he is so patient with me about it, but its so frustrating that we can’t be intimate! I don’t want to have to be a martyr for him my whole life.
I googled this initially and vaginismus came up, although I can tell you I’ve tried kegels and using fingers, and even pausing right when we begin sex to consciously relax my PC muslces. None of this has helped. I don’t really have problems with lubrication.
I just feel so jipped and frustrated that I can’t please my fiance. I don’t feel its fair that sex hurts so bad for me that we can’t be intimate in this way. After we try, I’m so frustrated that I can’t help but cry. I’m not really asking for a diagnosis here because I’m looking for a new gynecologist, but I’m just hoping I’m not the only one who has dealt with this!
I sometimes wonder if it could be my bc, because before I began it I was only ever fingered once before (although a very long time ago) and I don’t remember it hurting, because even being fingered now hurts terribly.
I do know the bc has had effects on me since I began it because I have gained a large amount of weight that has been such a battle to lose, although I’ve done it. I originally began taking them for bad periods, and they have improved and I’m really regulated now. At one point, it was thought by a general practictioner that I went to that I had PCOS (and was another reason I was put on BC), but this has never been actually confirmed.