Sex hurts me. Every. single. time.

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Before I respond any further, I have to know…are you guys using lubrication?

If not, this could make a HUGE difference. That “sandpaper” description you gave tells me that things are a little bit too dry down there. And since you’re anticipating pain, it’s probably difficult for you to get properly aroused enough to lubricate naturally.

I know you said you don’t “have any problems with lubrication,” but you might need more than your body can naturally suppy, especially if you have a smaller-sized vagina.

Were you sexually active before your current partner, or is he your first?

Post # 4
Hostess
9907 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@literary_chic:  I would see about a different method of BC, that might be aggrivating the situation. 

My initial thought was lubrication, but you’ve said that’s not the case.  Have you tried a lube that’s designed for male stamina – they usually have a numbing agent in them that might help?  I would probably try some lube regardless even if you think you’re okay in that department, it can work wonders 😉

Are you using condoms?  Certain brands make me hurt SO MUCH, I think it was Trojan that I hated – we currently use Durex.

I’m wondering if part of it is psychological at this point – not to say that there isn’t an issue, but it seems that everything hurts that you have a hard time relaxing as you’re anticipating pain and that makes it worse? 

I wish I had solid advice, I hope you figure it out, because it can definitely be great 🙂

 

Post # 5
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree with above, I often get a simlar feeling if my vagina isn’t wet enough for sex… it is just so uncomfortable after the pain begins that we are done with sex for the day if it doesn’t go well. When we make sure we use lubrication before even trying to have sex I never once get that raw feeling!

There are times where I could feel my vagina and swear up and down that it just had to be wet enough, yet once we try and have sex it gets so painful!

Post # 7
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@literary_chic:  I would get another opinion, and keep going until a doctor could help me. I know this from experience because I’ve been there and am STILL there. There are lots of things that could be wrong, and most OBGYN’s don’t take these problems seriously. It took me years and 5 doctors before one actually diagnosed me and has helped me.

I know exactly how you feel about not being able to be intimate with your partner! I still break down and cry sometimes when we start and I can’t stand it. He doesn’t care. He loves me. He takes care of me when I’m feeling badly afterwards. Talk to your FI about how it makes you feel.

I even went and talked to a therapist for a while about my issues, and it helped tremendously.

Post # 9
Member
4216 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s called vaginismus, it is a disorder of the muscles surrounding your vagina in the pelvic floor. You need a special type of physiotherapy. 

 

ETA vaginismus.com is a great site. They sell a kit with dialators and books. You should take a look. 

Also you can’t conciously try to relax those muscles. It’s a muscle spasm that’s occuring. It’s necessary to re-train the muscles. 

Post # 10
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t want to deter you from your birth control… Please don’t take it as that. And if you do decide to quit, consult your doctor and make sure you end your pack. 

I had a similar experience with birth control. Only, mostly it was my sex drive that took a plummet. I did have some pain during intercourse even though I was well lubricated. I also couldn’t have any type of O moment. It was so frustrating and my gynecologist couldn’t figure it out. My DH was very understanding and sweet about it, but I couldn’t help but feel guilty. Before going on this specific brand (which was the lowest dose of hormone possible in a BCP) I had an amazing sex life with DH, which made it even more frustrating. 

So, I went off of birth control and I couldn’t be happier with my decision. 

What you could do is discuss different options of birth control. For example, non hormonal forms. Be prepared to try different things! 

Post # 11
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

First off, condoms will add extra friction and counteract the lube you’re using (in my experience) I would try a different lubrication and as other PPs said, maybe change your BC pill.

Second, do you play with yourself? I mean this is a forum, and there’s nothing too TMI here…but what happens if you were to help yourself? Does it hurt then? I know you said tampons hurt but does one or two fingers?  There’s a difference.

If I go a week without sex, because of my period let’s say, then I will be back to square one as far as “tightness” goes.  I feel literally like a virgin until we start having sex every day or every other day like our normal sex life entails. That could also be a reason, kind of like drinking alcohol..if you go a while without it, one drink will make you tipsier than if you drink more times a week.

Post # 12
Hostess
9907 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@literary_chic:  never heard of that one.  I’ve been on Ortho Tri-cyclen (loved that one), Alesse (hated it, made me psychotic, seriously – the stories about that one…) and Nuva Ring – that was my favourite but I don’t know if you’d like that given you have a sensitive vagina.

@HappySky7:  Vagina physiotherapy –  who knew there was such a thing! 

Post # 13
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@HappySky7:  There are lots of problems that cause these symptoms. It could be vaginismus, but it could be about 5 other things as well.

Post # 14
Hostess
9907 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@BellaDee:  this is true – if for some reason it’s been a while for me and FH I’m definitely tighter than before – he always comments about it.  It takes some regularity and ‘practice’ to keep things ‘loose’ down there

Post # 15
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@literary_chic:  I don’t really have any helpful advice for you, but I thought you might want to know that you are absolutely not alone in this.  When I started to read your post it was as if I could have written it.  I’m usually just a lurker when it comes to the intamacy boards, but I had to respond to this one.

Sex with my FI also hurts every.single.time. the feeling like you might tear, the raw sandpaper feeling.  No matter how much lube we use, it still happens.  Although, I found that certain lubes will sting more than others so we started using Sliquid and it helps… a little.  We usually have to stop because my FI can feel that I’m in pain (probably feels how tense I am).  I’d say about 50% of the time I’m usually bleeding from a tear (really sorry if it’s TMI).  

Some things that I found helpful.. although they only work for 5-10 min, but hey its better than nothing!

A lot of foreplay, but no fingering, Sliquid lube.. and a lot of it.. and constant re-application, going really slow and using toys.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but it sounds like you have a really great FI to support you as you try to figure this out.  If you find something that works.. please share! lol. 

 

Post # 16
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I have this exact problem on and off as well. It feels like tearing near the back of the vaginal entrance. Sometimes I also have a few spots of blood after a particularly painful session. My GP has dismissed it as psychological and referred me to the vuval pain society… despite the fact that when I was examined shortly after sex during a routine exam, the young doctor who examined me commented on the redness and swelling. I also fail to see how the drops of blood are psychological. In the long term, according to some research I did, the solution is probably to have part of the skin on my outer perineum removed, because mine juts forwards and partially obstructs the vaginal entrance. However, they usually won’t do this until you have had your children, because that part is probably going to go bye bye if I ever have a natural birth anyway.

If you are using durex, I recommend you switch to an anal lube designed for gay men. I use one… without it, I wouldn’t have a sex life at all, LOL! You can also use local anaesthetic creams down there, or use a lidocaine spray. Be careful not to get the lidocaine anywhere near your fun parts, or it will prevent you from enjoying sex.

Whew, sorry if that was TMI! Hope it helps though.

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