Post # 1
I am going undercover because I’m really embarrassed about this. My husband and I have been married for 2 months, and sex is extremely painful for me. The last time we had sex, I started sobbing because it hurt so badly. Sobbing!
I was not a virgin when I got married, but DH and I did not have sex for the 3.5 years we were together before marriage. I was having sex until about 6 months before we got together. Sex did not hurt me before, not even when I lost my virginity. I was really looking forward to sex with DH because I missed having it!
When we consumated the marriage, it was kind of disappointing. We had trouble finding the hole and keeping him in. It hurt a bit. We had sex a few more times, and all of those times but one hurt.
After we were married for 3 weeks, it started hurting really badly. At this same time, I found that my sex drive had completely disappeared. I thought that maybe it hurt so badly because I wasn’t turned on. So we made sure that I was lubed up or naturally wet. We had sex one more time where it didn’t hurt so bad. Now, I have no sex drive and anytime we try to have sex, I am very tight and it hurts very badly.
I’m really concerned about this. I see my ob/gyn on Nov 1. I’m worried that there is something wrong down there.
I wanted to ask the WB community to see if anyone else has had a problem like this. Obviously no one can diagnose me online, but I wanted to see if someone shared my experiences. My theory is that I have PCOS because I have a lot of symptoms/issues that match it that I never connected together before (insulin resistance, hypothyroidism, hirsutism, 9 periods or less a year, acne, weight gain in abdomen area only, very thin hair with dandruff, skin tags, anxiety) so I’m wondering if I have cyst(s) on my ovary/ies.
Thoughts, experience, advice appreciated.
Post # 3
There’s no reason at all to be embarassed. There are a number of conditions out there that can cause painful sex. Your gynecologist will be able to help you. It’s not your fault.
Post # 4
Where is the pain? Abdomen or your actual vagina?
Post # 5
@Kalisia: I understand why you’re embarrassed but there’s no need. We’re all human here, right?
I have no idea what might be the cause of painful sex for you but if it wasn’t like that before I guess having a doctor look at you “down there” is a really good idea. And don’t feel bad about having no sex drive, I think it’s completely normal that you don’t want to have sex if it hurts you.
I hope your doctor will be able to help you. Fingers crossed!
Post # 6
You should absolutely not be embarrassed. In my eyes, pain during sex is no different from any other pain. It’s totally natural. Especially with your husband.
I too have a lot of pain during sex. For me, it’s a burning/stinging and I plan to talk to my doc too. Don’t assume the worst! It could be anything. (And you’re not alone.. it totally kills my desire too 🙁 )
What kind of pain are you having? You mentioned having difficulty finding the hold/keeping him in. Is he the biggest you’ve ever been with? Perhaps you have some sort of size compability issue. Not that I know much of anything about these things, but it’s just a thought.
Post # 7
@Kalisia: You said y’all had trouble finding the hole, are you sure you found the right one? I’ve heard where people somehow managed to get it in the urethra without realizing it other than the amount of pain.
Post # 8
I would talk to your ob/gyn about it, it is very possible that you have pcos or something like that. I’ve never had pain with sex until about a year ago when I started having problems with my reproductive organs in general. I was diagnosed with PID, but my doctor now thinks the pain was likely due to endometrisis and I’m having laproscopic surgery next month. I also saw a physical therapist for my pelvic floor and she worked wonders! I had been having a lot of pain, and every time we had sex it felt like I was a virgin again, which was not fun! don’t be emabrased, this happens to a lot of women and I know after I talked to a few people about it I was suprised how many women I knew who had similar issues.
Post # 9
@HonoraryNerd: Yep, it happens somehow. Here’s an exerpt from the book Emergency! True stories from the nation’s ERs.
Cringe Warning, do not read below unless strong of stomach
“The seventy-year-old female patient had a history of frequent urinary-tract infections. She had a fever and slight back pain, so I ordered a catheterized urine specimen to be sent to the lab. I went on to other patients, but the nurse soon returned and said she had tried to cath the woman but couldn’t find her urethra-the opening to the bladder. She had asked several other nurses to help her cath the lady, but no one could find the urethral opening. I decided to help, and went to the patient’s bedside. I found an elderly, pleasant woman who told me about the history of frequent urinary problems and told me she was childless.
I examined the woman’s perineum and identified the larger orifice of what appeared to be the vaginal vault, and searched above this for the urethral opening. I couldn’t find an opening either, but as I looked, some urine trickled out of the vagina. Suspecting a fistula connecting the bladder to the vagina, or an embedded urethral meatus, I decided to look inside the vagina with a speculum. As I readied to do this, however, I noticed something underneath the vagina, on the perineum, and looked closer. I found the patient’s vagina and intact hymen under what I had assumed was the vagina. I realized that the upper opening she was using as a vagina was in fact the patient’s urethra. I asked the woman if she had any problems with sexual relations with her husband.
“Not really. It hurt the first year or so, but it was fine after that.”
She had been married for fifty-two years.”
Post # 10
@Eckle: omg… I feel so TERRIBLE FOR THIS POOR WOMAN.
Post # 11
@Kalisia: Is it his size? Is he bigger than the other men you had been with previously? Where exactly is it hurting and what does the pain feel like?
Post # 12
Could be an infection of some sort.
Post # 13
@tampalove35: I know, I hope the doctors told her she was doing sex wrong…do you think there’s reconstructive surgery for the urethra?
Post # 14
Go to the doctor. If there’s an infection, PCOS, or some other biological reason for this, your doctor should be able to catch it.
Post # 15
@Eckle: Poor lady! I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything so awful in my life.
Post # 16
Does it mysteriously seem to have something to do with your cycle? In the several days leading up to my period, my lady bits are so sensitive around the outside that sex is very painful. It’s one of the ways I know the crimson wave will be coming on soon.
Also, are you sure that you’re lubricated enough? You might be too dry. I’d suggest using lube or spit.
He could also be hitting the cervix if he’s on the longer side.
It’s hard to answer the question because you’re not terribly specific about where the pain is.