- 5 years ago
Regular poster back onto my throwaway account because of the TMI-ness of my post.
For various health reasons, such as low self esteem, depression, anxiety, and the like, I have not been horny for quite some time. About a year or two maybe? I know, poor Fiance. We only have penetrative intercourse about once a month, and it is when I force myself to because I feel so badly for Fiance. Recently I have been getting those issues under control with meditation and exercise, so yay! And my desire for sexual activities has been returning, although slowly.
So here’s the issue – sex hurts. It’s always hurt for those once-a-monthers that we’ve been doing for the past year or two, but I always shrugged it off because I was never turned on during those times anyway; I only did it to satisfy Fiance. I wasn’t lubricated enough.. and it made sense that it hurt. However, now that we’ve been getting back into it and I *am* turned on and lubricated enough (naturally and with lube), sex still hurts. Enough to turn me right back off.
I’ve done some googling, but haven’t had much luck finding answers. The pain is the vaginal opening only, specifically the bottom half of the opening (closer to the perinium). It feels like its getting stretched too much, and is forming little tiny tears. I picture an old rubber band being stretched too much that it starts to crack a bit. It hurts during penetration, as well as during sex (like a rugburn, or stretching way too far). It hurts afterwards when I pee and wipe, and feels “torn” for 2-3 days after sex. Then its hard to have sex again, because it is either still raw and recovering, or back to tight and then it feels like it re-tears. And I am PLENTY turned on, so I don’t think that is the issue. Is my vagina just too out of practice?
I’m upset because I’m finally being normal again, but this is really hampering our intimacy. Prior to my other health issues (say, 5 years ago) Fiance and I had sex on a normal basis, no issues. So its not like hes too large for me, or too rough.
I know i should see a gyno, but due to insurance and out of country travel I cannot see one until mid-to-late Jan. And I’d like to … have some happy time over the Xmas holiday 😉
Any advice? Am I broken?? 🙁