Post # 1
Hello fellow Bees. =)
Lately I’ve been really depressed. More than usual really. My boyfriend of almost 6 years is being very odd. He hasn’t had sex with me in a month. We only see each other on weekends, and you’d think he would. Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but when you just stop… there’s a problem. Normally he and I would have sex every weekend we see each other. Last weekend I can understand… I was on my period. I have talked to him about this, and he’s like… “oh, I promise, we’ll do it this weekend”. That’s all I keep hearing. It’s one thing to say something, it’s another to do it. To make matters worse he masturebates regularly. How do I know this? He’s history on both youtube(yes, youtube) & Safari.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough of this. I don’t know how some women may feel about there bf/SO doing this to them, but it’s hurtful to me. It makes me feel like I am not good enough. He says I am more than enough, but his actions say other wise. Over that… his mother recently started having talks with me when ever my bf is in the shower or in the bathroom. She goes on about how she shouldn’t of let him date at the age oif 16 because I distracted him from school. He dropped out of highschool when I met him. I got him back into school, and college. Then she tells me how some relationships last too long *hint-hint*.
The thing that really troubled me was that she told me to my face, I should reconsider my relationship with my boyfriend. I don’t tell my bf these things because he may not believe me. I did tell him how she told me to re-think my relationship with him, and he told me he tells him the same thing. I really love his family as if they were my own, and to hear these things hurt me deeply. I am starting to suspect that my race is becoming an issue to them now. My boyfriend’s family is from India. A few months ago at a family function, his mother said to my bf’s aunts/cousins… how sadly we can’t always pick who our kids marry. She wasn’t aware that I heard this… but I did. With all of this eating away at me… I go shopping every day. Like I don’t see any other way of dealing with these problems other than to shop.
=/ I really needed to let that out… sorry bees.
Post # 3
I’m going to be honest here and trust me, I do want to say this lovingly. This relationship doesn’t sound very healthy to me. You’re right: sex is not everything in a relationship. For various reasons my husband and I sometime go weeks without sex due to exhaustion, work, school etc. That’s normal. It’s perfectly okay to go through periods of no sex due to the crazy things life can throw at you. BUT- could this lack of intimacy be a red flag due to other underlying issues going on? Maybe.
It’s sad your bf’s mother isn’t too keen on you but could it be that maybe she’s simply hinting to you her son is no longer that into you? Maybe. Maybe not. I’d take that with a grain of salt since I don’t know the woman personally. I’m just saying this because I was with a guy whose mother treated me the same way when he lost interest in me and moved on to another girl.
Masturbation doesn’t take the place of sex in a committed relationship where the two of you love each other and care for each other. I’d say something else is up, especially since you two have been closer in the past. Talk about your feelings with your boyfriend, lay it all on the table and let him know your concerns. Here’s hoping for the best. Hopefully this is just a misunderstanding and will clear up with good communication.
Post # 4
If his mother is saying the same things to him that she’s saying to you, it could be making him conflicted – if he has a good relationship with his mom, it might be hard for him to outright ignore what she’s saying.
Maybe if you talk (non-defensively, of course) about how his mom’s comments worry you, he’ll be able to open up to you as well? (If he’s worried.)
Also, try to set up some fun or romantic dates that let you two spend some time together so he can remember all the things he loves about you. I think if the emotional intimacy is given a little boost, then physical intimacy will eventually return as well. Just don’t plan it to purposely end in sex. If he’s withdrawn during other activities, then I’d start to worry.
Post # 5
Im sorry you are feeling this way!!! Aside from sex, and perhaps his family, how has things changed – if anything at all?! Is he more detached in general??
As far as the issues you listed:
Sex~ Are you actively iniatiting any type of intimacy?! Or, are you just telling him, i want to do it this weekend!! You can *try* to take control of the situation, and your needs/wants by initiating the deed. There are times my SO is just too tired, or stressed, but once I start warming him up, he usually cannot turn it down! If you have done this/tried doing this, and still are not getting a response, then you need to have a long talk 🙂 As another PP stated, ‘dry’ spells are very normal, provided it is bc of life, and not the relationship.
His family~ 6 years, and you are now just hearing these things?! Or, has this always been an issue?! When a family member(s) does not like the SO in a relationship, it can be cause for a ton of problems: pressure on one, a push to end things, etc. If it is a cultural thing, then I can only imagine how much tougher it would be!! However, if there was a time where you all got along, where things were good, and you felt welcome and ‘loved’, then as another PP stated, she could be doing her son’s dirty work in trying to get you to go, instead of him ending it?! (again, just a hypothetical situation!) If she has always been this way, then I would imagine he may be shutting down bc he is stuck between a relationship and his family.
Let us know. Good luck!
Post # 6
@OUgal0004: Well… aside from sex and his family, nothing. He’s still very loving & affectionate. The sex/family thing bothers me. Like i’ve said… i’ve seen his history and he’s always looking up ponr stars. I normally don’t care, but I feel so crushed by that, and him not making love to me. It’s killing my self-esteem. I make every effort to take control of our sex life, but it’s to no avail. As far as his family goes… I always thought she liked me. I’m quit fond of her. She’s a really lovely person, but as of lately… i have mixed feelings. Maybe you guys are right… maybe she is doing his dirty work for him. I don’t want to ever think that because of how loving he is to me. I mean I know he’s been stressed with work… and he’s going through a lot, and i do do my best to be there for him. But he still find ways to pleasure him, I just don’t get anything in return.
Also… I don’t know where our relationship is going anymore. I took the day off today because I have chronic Lyme Disease which I found out about in Feb. So every month like clock work, I get very sick. Flu like symptoms, backaches, horrible headaches and fevers that hit 102. My bf thinks that lyme disease isn’t real. I took off today because I really couldn’t drag myself to work this week. All week i’ve gone to work with a fever and feeling bad. I didn’t tell my bf until 4:30 today because I was so scared of him making jokes… or saying i never tough it out. Plus he too was sick today and I didn’t want to stress him. When I told him… he accused me of cheating on him. I’ve been crying since then. I don’t go out, I don’t have friends, I’m a loner. When would I find time to do that shit. But yeah… thank you all for your help, but I am starting to have little faith in my relationship.
Post # 7
He doesn’t believe Lyme disease is real????? Since when is he a doctor? He accused you of cheating when you stayed home from work sick?
Honey, he sounds like a jerk who is only going to keep finding new ways to hurt you.