(Closed) Sexless in Chicago!

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m really sorry that this is going on, it’s soooo hard when a sex life hits the rocks…especially when all other facets of the relationship are really good!  There could be about 600 things going on, but if it were me, I would lay my money on the big three:

Frustration, Rejection, Resentment

It actually sounds like a case of doubles on this one, the two of you are both frustrated with the other, you both feel rejected by the other and there’s a ton of resentment between the two of you..it’s interesting that this hasn’t trickeld into other parts of your relationship, but hey, whatever!

I really think that in this case, since the draught is sooo extreme, that a counselor who focuses on couples and intimacy is in order, if both of you want to renew the intimate side of your marriage, a little professional help will be a huge asset.

In the meantime, both of you can read, “The Sex Starved Marriage.”  It gives nice perspective for all parties involved.

 

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

He’s gotta cut the porn… He basically doesn’t need you if he has that. He’s getting his enjoyment from that instead of you. You need to tell him to cut the porn – he doesn’t like it then let him walk out.

I deal with lack of sex but my meaning of lack of sex is only once a week… I’ve put my foot down at the beginning of our relationship… its me or porn. I think you need to do the same. 

 

Post # 5
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Do you think he is fearful of getting you pregnant?

I also agree with keeping an eye on the porn situation. As its not fair for him to reject you but go out of his way to watch/interact with that stuff, as that is when porn becomes harmful in a relationship.

Post # 6
Member
895 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would try my best to convince him to go see someone about this. If it comes down to it I would give him an ultimatum and say it’s either the kids and I or porn. Sounds to me like he has a deep rooted porn addiction since you said he goes to bed late but wakes up early to watch it. This can be very harmful to the relationship you two have and also have an effect on the kids.

IMO if that were my SO I would take it from him with or without his approval. DH has done that to me and I always end up getting into it and it’s always pretty awesome.

Post # 7
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with previous posters about the porn. I’m all for watching porn, but it’s clearly affecting your relationship at this point since he is choosing the porn over the real thing with you. I think since you’ve tried so many things to no avail its time for some counciling.

Post # 8
Member
37 posts
Newbee

@NikkiKillpretty:  Maybe he has a Madonna whore complex? That’s when a guy loses all sexual attraction to a woman once she gets pregnant and becomes a mother figure (hence Madonna, as in the virgin Mary Madonna from the Bible). He may still watch porn or even have sex flings but not feel it towards the mother of his children. I know because I went through this with an ex that I have my child with, and it literally dragged my self esteem through the gutter and put me through hell. I realize your situation is definitely not good, but admittedly I’m jealous that you were even able to get any sex at all from him to be able to have a second child and to say you’d done it 3 times in a year with him. I wasn’t given ANY from him after the conception of my only child. Stupidly I stayed true to that jerk for way too long before realizing I needed to do better for myself. Many people later said I should have broken it off much sooner or started an affair, but I don’t know if an affair is such a good idea.

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