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It really depends on your skin tone as to which shade of white you choose. I wanted a white white dress, and with my skin tone, I looked completely washed out, so I went with a diamond white, which is a warm white between white and ivory. You might want to try the colors you are interested in on so you can at least see what looks best with your skin. :)
drink_thing.jpg (29.6 KB, 63 downloads) 1 year old 
You need to look at samples with the seamstress and compare them to your skin tones then pick. You can't really pick a color from a picture either, since the lighting, gloss of the paper, etc. can change the color drastically. I would go to the fabric store and look at lace/fabrics you like or your dress maker should have samples of all of this and will show them to you and help you choose.
I second Ballet Flat. It's all about your skin tone! :)
If your gown is being custom made (which I'm gathering is the case from your post, not sure) by a dress shop and not by a major designer with preset color options, I'd recommend making an appointment to go in and look at the different fabrics they have available. You can even ask to see examples of their other work in different colors so that you can get a feel for what color will work best for your skin. And I always recommend asking a friend to come along with a camera. Things can look so different in pictures!
Good luck!
Pictures_011.jpg (3011.3 KB, 29 downloads) 1 year old Pictures_005.jpg (3149.4 KB, 26 downloads) 1 year old 
Agreed with balletflat, it totally depends both on your skin tone, the dress detailing, and the fabric. Until I went to my dress maker, I thought stark white was totally out b/c it looks to contrast-y against my darker skin. But she uses silk-on-silk satin, so her white-white is much richer and looks great on my skin. But...when I picked out my dress, the border/embellishments looked much better with a softer (almost but not quite ivory) white...so that's what I got. I assume the designer will have actual fabric swatches when you meet him/her...so just try it all against your skin. If they have samples (even of other dresses) in the fabrics they use, definitely try them b/c seeing yourself all oer in the color will help. Mostly, I'd say, trust the designer unless you hate what they are saying b/c, well, they do this for a living and you've already trusted them enough to make your dress.
The other gals said it exactly--it's all about how the dress color looks against your skin tone. I was sure I wanted exactly white and it made me look sickly. My dress is ivory and it doesn't "read" that way, it just looks like a flattering white against my skin tone. I'd try to look at actual fabric samples so you can get a feel for the color against your skin.
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My dress is being made, and the bridal shop let me know we need to sit down by the end of this week and let the designer know exactly what I want.
Ok, I am not sure about the shade of white that I want. I guess lace does not actually come in white, just a soft natural white, but I like a brighter white - not the stark white though.
I don't know about the soft white anymore, I'm really confused. I like how in pictures a dress looks a little brighter ...
I know I don't want the "bleached" white ... I can't find a picture online to show you of bleached white!! .....
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