My friend and her H were going through a divorce a couple years ago. I kind of befriended her then, she had no one to talk to and I went through one myself a while back. They ended up getting back together, and then they ended up moving back to her home country (UK). Everyone thought the H wasn't going to go because he postponed his ticket twice. We were sure he was going to bail. Anyway, they have been there a year now. Their daughter just started school. On her second day, her dad was supposed to pick her up.
Here was the wife's Facebook status:
"Father of the Year Award goes to my hubby whose turn it was to pick "Anna" up from school today. Yep, he forgot. The school called me saying that she was the last (of 750 students) to be picked up. Then he thought ballet started at 3:45, when it's really 3:15, so she missed her class. I think I'll write both on his hand for next time, or set a reminder on his phone"
I don't think I'd ever publicly shame my husband like that! 1) I probably wouldn't want people to know what a doofus he is, and b) do you think that will really help the situation?
What do you think?
@sienna76: I think this kind of stuff is ridiculous -- people forget things sometimes, I'm sure she's not perfect! Embarrassing your husband or wife in front of others is never a good thing for a relationship. But then I don't believe in publicly shaming anyone, and I'm so sick of those parents who publicly shame their kids as punishment these days. Absurd.
@sienna76: I hate when people talk badly on Facebook or Twitter about their SO's. My BIL's girlfriend does it all the time and I think it is absolutely awful. I get you're having problems, but to go on a public forum where you friends and family are and say bad things about your SO? Come on! Grow up! She wonders why her friends don't like him too!
My FI would be furious if I ever pulled something like that!!! How embarrassing for HER! I block those kind of people, drives me nuts.
I think it is completely childish. I see my friends do this ALL of the time. They lay out their entire laundry to the world then a day later act as if life is perfect. I usually roll my eyes when I see/read these things. But yet, I can't look away!
@sienna76: I loathe,detest and despise when people post things that I think shoukd be kept private on facebook. I have seen worse than your friends update though. I just wonder why you would want the 457 people on your friends list to know your man is a doofus and I'm sure he felt bad enough.
I put up silly things my SO says. For example, we were watching the Olympic opening ceremonies and he asked where the Eiffel Tower was. I gave him this look and said thats in France. The Olympics are being held in London. He then looked at me with a dead serious face and said "Well, aren't they the same place."
But, I would never in a million years right something like what you've mentioned. That is a little too embarassing and critical.
@Lindarella: Oh, have I ever seen worse! Someone called their 9 year old daughter a P____. You know like, here kitty kitty. Yea.
Never disrespect your SO like that. Ever.
Ugh... i wish people would realize how much that actually hurts the guys feelings.
@sienna76: Terrible! That is really brutal and I would never shame the man I love, no matter how disappointed or angry I was with him.
I never talk badly about my FI to anyone - I don't spend 99% of the time gushing about how amazingly wonderful he is, so why would I talk about the tiny 1% when his quirks drive me crazy? Once people hear that kind of stuff, they can't un-hear it.
This sort of thing is solely reserved for women who are mean, childish and adore drama...if someone did something like this to me, the relationship would be over...I'm all about poking fun at myself, but I never criticize people, let alone on a public forum where they literally cannot defend themselves.
Dirty relationship laundry should never be aired out in public.
I have the feeling that they are not doing so hot even after marriage counseling and getting back together. She announced that she was going back to school. I said how did her H feel about that. She said, "I have no idea, I haven't told him!"
WTH? They must operate like roommates. It makes her look bad.
He's on FB but he has not contributed yet.
I can't stand when people do stuff like this. The relationship between a husband and wife should never be discussed with anyone except the husban and wife and maybe a counselor. The worst thing you can do to your relationship is talk bad about your husband to your friends and family. Keep it to yourself people!
I think people should keep their s*** off of facebook in general. Keep your dirty laundry inside, and don't parade it around for all to see and smell. But I do have those FB friends, and I will admit to enjoying the show sometimes.
Shaming like that is awful for a relationship.
Thursday morning experiment - I am going to post this on another forum - a forum where women have been married for 10+ years. It's one I have frequented since 2000.
I am very curious to see the answers!
I think Facebook is breeding grounds for passive aggression.
I've seen this many times and I used to do this. I have a strict policy now not to but my business on Facebook like that. I don't think people think when they make these statuses!
@Sweet.Sugar.Rose: I saw someone say their 10 year old boy needed a tampon because he was throwing a tantrum :(
Yeah, that marriage isn't long for this world. She is showing contempt, one of Gottman's Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. It is a sign that your marriage is doomed.
"The second horseman is contempt. Contempt is intentionally abusing your spouse – verbally, emotionally, and psychologically. Contempt expresses the complete absence of any admiration and is delivered with insults, name-calling, hostile humor, mockery, and body language. Contempt is toxic and its presence is an indication of a disintegrating marriage. It must be eliminated."
http://simplemarriage.net/how-to-spot-and-defeat-the-four-marriage-killers/
And to make matters worse--her child later on (Thank you FB Timeline) will be able to read her Mom's posts about her Father and their disintegrating marriage.
Facebook is not for airing dirty laundry. I would never shame my husband like this. I would probably joke about it or poke fun at him, but I would never word it in such a way to make him feel ashamed or make it seem like I was angry or upset.
That is NEVER okay. One of my coworkers does stuff like that to her husband on FB. But she also talks poorly about him at lunch time. She makes him sound like a moron who can't ever do anything right around the house and she acts like he's incapable of knowing how to care for their kid. It's SO sad. I feel so bad for him.
@sienna76: I have a lot of friends on facebook that do this! Shaming or airing their dirty laundry. Its sad. I have a friend who caught her husband cheating and found the other woman's clutch stuck in the crack of her couch. She posted all about it and how he was such a dirt bag but ended up forgiving and staying with him. It just made her look like an idiot - not him. Nobody would have even known it happened to think she is an idiot if she wouldnt have posted it all over facebook.
That's a definite never-do between us.
ETA: Although if I caught him cheating, all bets are off, but facebook will be the least of his concerns!
I know he's not a cheater though, thank goodness for both of us :)
@sienna76: Yeah, that's ridiculous. I don't see them staying together. She must have some other resentment issues there as well to do that.
Public shaming of your SO is just wrong, or anyone else you love for that matter. Unless it's just a funny. This is not a funny, it's her bringing him down in front of others. I can't see anyone's marriage lasting long if that is how they view their SO. It's all about respect!
And I also agree that I wouldn't want the public to know what a dumbass my husband was that day LOL!
That's rude. I hate reading people's statuses bashing their FI/SO or spouse (I've seen guys do it too, but it's usually the women). It makes me sad. I know DH would be really hurt if I ever did something like that. We made an agreement that we wouldn't talk bad about each other to other people except a select few and even that's more to get counsel and advice than to rant and complain. I'd be so embarrased if he did it to me, no way would I do it to him.
I would never write something like that and think those that do are immature. I try to avoid writing about my relationship at all on facebook.
I will sometimes make fun of him a little to our friends and family, but about little things like that he can never remember anyone's birthday, or that he doesn't care what food is set in front of him. It's more of a commiseration thing than to make him look bad or anything like that
Disrespectful. Before you speak (post), think,
T- is it true?
H- is it helpful?
I- Is it inspiring?
N- is it necessary?
K- is it kind?
Shaming your partner publicly over an honest mistake is unacceptable. Also all of your "friends" are going to think "wow, I'd hate to be married to her".
I read something somewhere that said you shouldn't say bad things about your SO because the rest of the world will see that, but they don't have the love for them that you do, so while you can forgive them, the rest of the world only remembers the bad things you've said. So I try REALLY hard to not whine about my FI not only on facebook, but even to my best friend and other people. It's not their issue, and even though I want to commiserate sometimes, it isn't worth it when what they hear is the bad stuff.
I have noticed myself developing bad opinions of friends' SOs when they complain about them, and then wonder why they are still together sometimes. There must be a reason they love them, even though all I feel like I hear is negativity!
What she did is appalling. I'm sure she's perfect all the time. Good grief. No wonder they were headed for divorce. If I were him I'd be rethinking that about right now.
@sienna76: what if she meant for it to be funny? I dont have fb and i dont understand the point of it either, but sometimes people post things like that to be funny..no? if she meant it the other way, then yeah, i think its mean to do that to anyone, especially your spouse.
My SIL does this about her DH. Since he isn't on FB. Even though she is friends with me and my DH (who DH is the brother of her DH) My DH just rolls his eyes, I have her hid so the only way I see it is if look at her page or my DH tells me.
I agree with everyone that she handled the situation badly. I would never humiliate my DH on facebook or anywhere for that matter. What good does that do? Spouses are supposed to support each other, even when the other makes mistakes.
You must log in to post.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| pengoala | 44 |
| Chelwilly | 21 |
| kat2014 | 19 |
| mypinkshoes | 18 |
| Birdi | 17 |
| Flanders | 17 |
| AlwaysSunny | 16 |
| Rubbs | 15 |
| ajillity81 | 15 |
| vorpalette | 13 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Rubbs | 4 |
| pengoala | 3 |
| Jacqui90 | 3 |
| tnbellebee | 3 |
| HelloKitty615 | 3 |
| Flanders | 3 |
| Blondee | 2 |
| MsSparklyBee | 2 |
| vorpalette | 2 |
| anemonie | 2 |
