Post # 1
This is a really small problem, bees, but I was wondering if you ladies could offer me some wisdom.
Okay….so I may or may not have been snooping on J’s computer when I found a bunch of engagement rings he’s been looking at. Which is GREAT!!
However, all of the ones on there have oval stones. Which I really just don’t like. I like round stones…and while I told him that I only like stones that are round, I guess in a man’s mind round and oval are basically the same.
It wouldn’t be the end of the world if I ended up with an oval stone, but I’d be much happier with a round one. The problem is that I don’t know how to tell him that without letting on that I was doing a little snooping. Ideas?
Post # 3
Could you “accedently” leave up a pic of a ring you like (with a round stone) on the computer so that he sees it when he gets on the computer? Or browse through a wedding magazine and stumble across a ring you like, then show him the pic? Just a few ideas.
Post # 4
The next time you are at a mall together, maybe pop into a jewelry store and compliment some round stone rings. You don’t even have to do it to look at rings, maybe say you are looking for a present for someone and when you walk past the engagement rings slip how much you love the round stone.
Post # 5
Don’t admit to snooping (and, by the way, stop snooping, it’s not OK behavior). But since you two have already clearly talked about engagement, just ask if you can show him a few pictures of exactly what you are looking for and be very specific.
I’m not a fan of the indirect approach, because that leads to you not getting what you want and him not understanding that he’s not getting you what you want.
Say “I like the round brilliant shape because it has more sparkle and fire than the others. It hides color and inclusions better than the fancy shapes. Some fancy shapes like pears and ovals have bow tie effects, I just don’t like them.” SPECIFIC. Nobody can read your mind.
Post # 6
OK I had a very similar problem about 2 weeks ago (BF got the carat size wrong) so here is what I did…. I took his cute little butt back to the jewelry store and told him I wasnt sure about the ring I picked the first time. I told him there was another cut I just found out about (which is true, I wanted to try on radiant cuts) and I just wanted to be sure about the ring I initially picked out in January. I made sure to make it clear what size middle stone I would like and he now knows what size stone b/c I took him to the jewelry store. And no more snooping! I did it that one time and neverrrr again!
Post # 7
Thanks ladies! I know that it’s awful to snoop, and I never do it! I didn’t mean to this time, but when I put in the ‘www’, the first site to show up in the browser bar was shaneco….and the temptation was just too great!
Post # 8
Girl I don’t blame you, I would have done the same thing. We’re not here to mom you… stuff happens. Chicagobride does have a great point though– us women tend to think we can “hint” our way to what we want, when really, with most men, being as direct as possible is often the best approach. Men just think and operate differently than we do, hence the “ovals are round, too!” thought process going on here! lol!
Post # 9
My suggestion would be to say something like: “I was looking at my friend Mary’s ring and while it is really pretty, I think that round stones are just so different from ovals. I really like the symmetry of the round stones but ovals just seem lopsided to me.”
Basically, subtly mention that there is a difference without saying that you snooped.
Post # 10
I’m with bestforlast because that is totally what i would do. Something like “oh this girl at work (make up name) just got engaged, she was so excited! I really loved the setting of her ring but she got an oval stone, and i really prefer round.”
I did a kind of similar thing when I got the hint that FI was looking at rings (but we never had an explicit talk about it)… I was like “oh my friend x send me a pic of an engagement ring she liked because her and (boyfriend) are looking to get engaged…. it was really pretty but it was round and I’m just not a fan of the typical shapes like round and princess… i really prefer fancier cuts like cushion or radiant or asscher…” haha
Also… long before we were seriously thinking about getting engaged, but after it had become a possibility that we would some day, i flat out told him “PLEASE ask my friend x to help you if you ever decide to propose to me because i want to be surprised but i really really want to love my ring.” And? He did. And she knew just what I wanted. And I got just what I wanted. 🙂
Post # 11
Ohh… Corgi, GREAT advice about having a friend help him out. That way you can have him know just what you want, without having to awkwardly tell him exactly what you want. My future MOH actually did the deed FOR me! At his birthday party last year, when people were asking us about our future plans, she just threw in, “You know, J, when you ARE ready to go ring shopping, you better give me a call so I can help you! You know I know her best!!” to which he replied, “Oh I will!!” And, I know he really will!
Post # 12
@littlemissmango– thats great! i really feel like its the best of both worlds. you can be totally honest with your bff about what you want (and do NOT want), and you can also still be surprised. 🙂
Post # 13
Yes, totally the best of both!! I reccomend it to all the wait-ers! Get your girl to tell him what you want so you don’t have to worry about it! 😀