Share your awkward RSVP/self-invite moments!

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@SkyChick:  Wow, that’s crazy.  Personally we are only inviting people that we both have met.  No surprises, no how.  If anyone shows up uninvited, I plan to ask them whether wedding crashing is a regular thing for them or not.

Post # 4
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

We all agreed on a family only wedding because DH and I didn’t want to have a wedding and MIL did. I sent out all the invitations. A month and a half before the wedding I found out she verbally invited all the neighbors (she paid and planned the wedding but it is still my wedding and we agreed). I was so mad that I almost called the wedding off. Our friends were not invited but hers were, it didn’t seem right or fair. Day of the wedding, DH’s childhood friend (neighbor’s son) showed up with his girlfriend along with four neighborhood couples. So much for family only.

Post # 5
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have an awkward one, where I was actually the inconsiderate asshole in question. My dad got remarried when I was 22. This was the first wedding I was ever involved in, and didnt realize what a huge deal the guest list was. My brother, stepbrother, and I all invited dates. They were able to accommodate them. But I never realized what a huge faux pas that was until planning my own wedding. 

Post # 6
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

@iammcdibble:  I didn’t know all this crazy stuff until Weddingbee and wedding planning too.

Post # 7
Member
910 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yes, I definitely invited myself to a wedding.. didn’t know it for sure at the time, but looking back I see it!

My FI was a groomsmen for a friend of his. By the time of his wedding, we had been together for about 3 years. Not engaged, but living together. We have been together for almost as long as the couple getting married! Well, FI got the invitation and it didn’t have my name on it.

He said he was sure I was invited even though I wasn’t included on the invitation, so he asked his friend and they said he could bring me.

When it came to the wedding, they had sat me at a completely random table with people who I had never met (instead of one of the 4 or 5 tables of people I know), and the table I was at was full of people that had known eachother for 10 years+, so they ignored me the whole time.

It was pretty clear that my attendance was an afterthought. I had an awful time. But I tried to stay positive and not look miserable. 

Post # 8
Member
8518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’ve had several of my customers try to invite themselves. Thankfully since I’m at a new store now and dont see them anymore I wont have to deal with awkward questions about invitations.

Another one was a new coworker from this store. I’ve only been here to two months, not near enough time for me to even consider asking anyone there to come. I dont even think I’ll still be working at this store by the time the wedding rolls around. Well this coworker (who is already awkward) asked when the wedding was. I told her and she goes “oh good, plenty of time to lose weight!” At first I thought she was meaning me, and I was really offended. But then she continued with “I want to be able to fit into an amazing dress, so it gives me plenty of time. I cant wait!” I was just left standing there staring at her with my mouth open. I didnt even know what to respond to that with!

Also, one of my aunts who I have met twice in my life sent me a message on facebook asking about when and where it was so she could be sure to come.

Post # 9
Member
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I didn’t have any of my (current) coworkers try to invite themselves. I made it very clear I was having a tiny wedding, and made sure to slip in how few people we’re inviting every once in awhile. One of my former ones tried to invite herself… When I barely even talked to her. It was odd.

I did have a relative demand to be invited. It was really awkward having to explain that we were having a small wedding, and were not able to host everyone from the extended family. That side of the family is HUGE, and if I were to extend an invite to one, I would end up having to extend invites to over 50 people. We only sent out 25 invites. And then there’s the other side of the family; if I invited one side, wouldn’t it be rude to ignore the other?

I understand that some people do it as a way to say they’re excited for you and want to show their support. But isn’t there maybe a better way to put it, that doesn’t put the couple on the spot? Like, maybe, “Congratulations! I’m excited for you! You guys make such a good couple!”

Post # 10
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MRSsrm85:  Exactly! Neither did I! I don’t know what I would have done without the bee. Probably pissed a lot of people off.

Post # 11
Member
2614 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@crystalrae:  I actually think that was really rude of the couple! I can’t believe you weren’t invited in the first place!

Post # 12
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

I never really invited myself to a wedding but I did say to friends of mine who are engaged that if im invited that I would love to be there but will understand if im not invited to keep the costs low. Its my way of saying I want to be there but will understand if im not invited.

Post # 13
Hostess
9910 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

totally invited myself to a wedding back when FH and I were first dating.  We would have been 22 and it was the first non-family wedding either of us had ever been invited to.  He got the invite, the card said __ guests, he wrote 2 and asked me to come.  It wasn’t until later when I saw some of the other girls without their SO’s and my name on the seating chart just said bibbleskip, no last name, that I realized I probably wasn’t welcome.  

No one ever said anything to me about it but I still feel guilty!

Post # 14
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@SkyChick:  You’re way nicer than I am! I would have put my foot down with a couple of those situations.

Post # 15
Member
687 posts
Busy bee

Several years ago my boyfriend’s coworker was getting married and she verbally invited him. I knew this girl because I’d gone to high school with her but we never really hung out together. I kept worrying about if I was invited or not, and my boyfriend insisted that I could go with him, it was no big deal, she was getting married in the backyard of her apartment and there would be burgers afterwards, it was super casual, blah blah blah. Then I was bugging him about what to wear and he kept stressing how casual it was… I didn’t want to end up dressed nicer than her so we showed up in scrubby clothes (me: jean shorts and a WHITE tanktop, lol) and it turned out there were only a few people there and they were all dressed up. I felt like an ass. And I lost my wallet that day too. We were all like 21 or something so we’d never been to a wedding before.

Then a couple years ago I was a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding and people who were not invited kept asking me when and where to show up. I was like wtf, if you didn’t get an invitation that’s kind of a hint that you can’t come!

Post # 16
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Someone wrote something on my Facebook wall about there being 70 days until my wedding. I then got a message from an acquaintance going “70 days, that’s so soon! When should I expect an invite?”. I’ve known this person a few years but only actually met her once – sorry, that doesn’t make the cut for an 80 person wedding!

 

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