Post # 1
Anybody ever have a sibling or friend expect x, y and z and the moon and the stars from you but when it’s your turn to get married and you simply ask for X they act like it’s impossible and all of their life circumstances are totally different?
I’m running into that a lot with our wedding and for the most part I’m cool and calm about it. I can either choose to be pissed or choose to just accept and go with it. But jesus. The hypocrisy is baffling! To be clear – I haven’t asked for anything but the groom has and everyone is really blowing him off. And he’s a well-liked guy who never asks anything from anyone. He’s surrounded by takers, unfortunately.
Please share your stories.
Post # 3
I’ve never been part of anyone’s wedding so I’ve never been on that end. But as a bride, I’ve found it hard to get any of my girls to go to things with me. I’m not a bridezilla at all, but in the fall there was a series of bridal shows around here and I asked a few of them to go, gave them 2 different dates that were possible for these shows and none could go except for one…
and I asked my sister to come to various meetings with photographers, caterers, etc and she never came to even one. Granted, I usually asked her the day before or with little notice and she has a demanding job… but you’d think one time she’d be able to make it…. but her relationship with her bf is still on the new side (2 years… and at 2 years I remember being very much still over the moon and reluctant to ever give up free time with my guy, so I get it). So… I try to take it in stride.
I’m not so great with strangers and am very shy so I was pretty anxious about going to those meetings on my own (FI couldn’t make it which is why I’d ask her last minute).
Although lately, now that I’ve finished the lengthy task of DIY’ing my STD’s and all the envelopes and envelope liners, the girls saw how much work it was and they’ve offered lots of help and told me to just let them know if i need anything – but I enjoy crafts and WANTED to do those on my own. So we’ll see. I’ve yet to really ask them to do much.
Post # 4
Nothing like a wedding to learn who really has your back. I had a friend who got married 2 years ago who made no attempt to hide her desires for free DIY labor. She held a couple of parties centered around helping her with wedding stuff and blatantly singled out her crafty friends (including me) to invite. Months later, we were hanging out and got on the subject of my wedding…”Oh, you don’t want my help. I’m not crafty at all. LOL” Yeah…
Post # 5
@bleusteel: did you get any help from her?
Post # 6
The issue I had was that a lot of my friends got married at 22/23. We were all young and eager with very little responsibilities. Five years later when I got married, everyone was just too busy to do anything. Uh huh.
ETA: Oh, but I’m expected to drive three hours one way and stay with my older sister to attend birthday dinners, baby showers, and birthday parties for their kids though. (Just a tad bit of resentment).
Post # 7
@skippydarling: When I was in my early 20s, a bunch of my college friends got married immediately post graduation. I was invited to bridal showers, Jack and Jills, baby showers, weddings, etc. up the wazoo. In my 20s, I didn’t really settle down b/c I was moving around a lot, but I kept in touch with my college friends via Facebook.
When I got married at 30 this past year, none of these college friends even congratulated me or said anything about my wedding despite my having to go to event x, y, and z for each of them (not easy as a broke/just starting out professional). I would have been happy with a FB like for crying out loud. Oh well, at least I found out which ones of my friends really counted.
Post # 8
@skippydarling: I’m anticipating this from FSIL. Every time we talk about our upcoming wedding with her, she expects so much. When we say we can’t afford that, or we don’t want to do that, she acts like it’s the end of the world and we’re being SO selfish. I’m so ready for her to get engaged (it’ll happen sometime in the next year I think) so I can watch her experience it all for herself. I’ll be SOOOO tempted to throw the same things back at her…but I won’t. FI might.
Post # 9
I was in a friend’s wedding about 4 months before my own. They were originally supposed to be married after us, and then rushed it and it happened before instead. I was a little peeved because I really wanted to get started on my stuff, but I wasn’t mad at them for doing what worked for them. I just knew their wedding would require a lot of effort — and I was right.
I would never do it again, to be honest. They did EVERYTHING DIY and hardly spent any money doing it, but those of us not getting married were rather exhausted. The day of, we set EVERYTHING up ourselves, and then myself and one of the other BM’s ran around like crazy people making sure everyone had food, everything was ready, everything was clean. We were essentially the staff and I didn’t sit to relax for more than 5 minutes before it was time to clean everything up and pack up. It was miserable, but my friend was happy, so go her and groom.
When our time came, she was absent for almost EVERYTHING. 1,000 reasons why her life was just too important to help us with anything, or to be there for anything. I was really upset, and frankly, still am. Our friendship isn’t the same, and never will be.
As they say, weddings teach you who your true friends are.
Post # 10
@skippydarling: Not regarding weddings because mine is a pretty untraditional wedding and all I really need is me and FI to show up…
But OMG I could so have written this post today about birthdays! My friends always expect a damn production for their birthdays and I oblige them but they have never celebrated mine because apparently January 2 is never good for anyone. So I try to make it easy and plan a night at Improv but one of my friends apparently can’t afford a $12 ticket and another is just waiting til the very last minute so we aren’t going to be able to sit together even if she does come.
Post # 11
I’m the first in my circle to get married, and I’ve heard so many horror stories about demanding brides etc that I had really low expectations and didn’t want to ask anyone for anything.
But then EVERYONE was so sweet and eager to help and wanted to be involved! I was really, really blown away and of course I’m going to remember who was eager to help me when it comes time to return the favor!
That said, there are a couple of people who have been rude (behind my back, of course) and it’s also nice to know so early on who my real friends are 🙂
Post # 12
@sugar_biscuit: Holiday birthdays are HARD, I feel you. Have you considered throwing yourself a NYE bash? Or celebrating a week later? But people you’ve been there for have no excuse not to be sweet to you.
Post # 13
@PromiseRooster: Well said Improv is for January 9th and not much better luck. Last year I just wanted to plan an at home game night and that didn’t happen either. I will just keep this in mind when their birthdays roll around and they expect me to put up a few hundred bucks.