- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 1998
Hi! I’m hoping this can be a general vent thread. Some of you have incredible stories about the wild and horribly insensitive things family and friends have said or done to you on the eve, at, or in the wake of your wedding. Whether it’s jealousy over your impending marriage or breaking every etiquette rule under the sun, I want to hear it.
Several of you replied months ago when I discussed my friend’s boyfriend, also a friend of ours, who was officiating our ceremony. He became controlling and domineering (the smallest amount of power that ever went to someone’s head) and told me he was going to make changes to our ceremony 8 weeks out from our wedding – and this was after doubling down on his behavior after a rude night out (insulting me, my then-fiance, and the ceremony we had chosen). When it was obvious that he had decided how the wedding was going to go, he was given the polite boot and my brother officiated instead.
I’ve had limited contact with my friend and his boyfriend since that happened in January. Neither of them ever apologized – something that still floors me and leaves me befuddled, as I can’t think of any time I’ve treated them even halfway rudely. The officiant was paid a few hundred dollars for this – and never even gave me the token courtesy of offering to repay the money. In the end, he had a very generous pay day to sit on my couch acting rude. I doubt I’d have accepted the money back, but at least I could respect someone who had the courtesy to offer.
In fact, the former officiant e-mailed my husband, essentially telling him to get me in line because he didn’t want to see my friend get hurt (apparently he noticed that I was distancing myself from both of them after they temporarily derailed the wedding and left us scrambling for an officiant just weeks out).
They showed up at the wedding. I mostly kept my distance but did talk to them one-on-one a few times in the night. What really floored me and showed me what they thought of me? Not even a card, not even a note, left in the cardbox. They did make sure to sign the guestbook directly in front of the card box, though. I didn’t expect any money in return, but the slight was obvious to me. I still feel like they just showed up to the wedding for a free meal and liquor.
After the wedding, the friend texted me to tell me what a good time he had before asking me for someone’s phone number. It’s been nearly a month and still no contact.
This wasn’t the first demonstration of crappy behavior, but it certainly takes one of the leading places. Weddings can be a blessing for this reason – they can help guide toxic folks out of your life. And looking back, these two were extremely competitive and enjoyed putting others down. To hear them tell it, they were the hottest, wealthiest, most functional couple in the world. The blatant insecurity and desire to crush everyone else to prove their superiority was tiring.
So, what about the rest of you?