(Closed) She can’t afford to be in/come to my wedding… but she bought a -second- dress?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am so sorry….

I really don’t know what to say to you. If it was be, I would contact her and tell her that I couldn’t be in her wedding anymore because I just couldn’t afford it because of all the wedding stuff you have to pay for. She doesn’t seem like she is a very good friend and I think it would be worse for you if you stayed in the friend relationship just hoping it will get better because from what you have stated, I don’t think it will get any better.

Post # 4
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I have to agree with noritake on this. It sounds like her wedding is more important than your friendship. I have been with my Fiance for over six years- which means I have had A LOT of friends who have met, dated, gotten engaged, and even married before I got engaged. I would NEVER dream of being bitter towards them or playing games with them. It sounds like she sees gettng married as some sort of contest, and she hates that you “beat” her at the game. Have an honest talk with her about your feelings, but if it seems like there is really no remorse, or fake remorse, you might have to rethink your friendship. Those are games that teenage girls with no maturity play, not grown women.

Post # 5
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

Wait a second… is she even engaged yet?!

Post # 6
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.  Sometimes weddings bring out the worst in people. =/

Post # 7
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I wish your friend was acting like a true friend ๐Ÿ™  I think maybe some time and space would help.  Maybe you should talk to her, express your hurt and if you want to- pull out of her wedding.  If you aren’t going through this stressful time together maybe the friendship can be resurrected further down the road.  If all she does is cause you pain throughout your wedding planning process you might have a hard time forgiving her later.  So maybe for the sake of the friendship parting ways is best for now.

Post # 8
189 posts
Blushing bee

@erinleigh1: I am at the point where I can’t stand brides and the bridal attitude. I am in four weddings before mine and I am learning powerful lessons about how I should act and how to treat people. I am so sorry that you are going through this. There is really nothing you can do except continue to support her without her support or back out of her wedding. It sounds like sabotage could be in the works if you allow her to work-it-out for your wedding. 

Post # 9
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It may cause a big fight, but I would tell her that her behaviour is making it difficult for you to make the sacrafices you need to make to be in her wedding when she is so flagrantly disregarding yours. She’s being incredibly narcissistic and hurtful. 

Post # 10
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Sorry, you had to go through this but realize she may be robbing Peter to pay Paul.  Well, let her.  If she doesn’t come to your wedding, let it be.  Do you want someone there who will try to upstage you.  I’ve been to a couple of weddings and have seen just that.  Horrible wedding experience for everyone involved. 

Just relax and don’t worry about her.  Not everyone is meant to be in your life for the rest of your life.  To be honest, I only have one gf who I have been friends w/ for over 20yrs.  And we are 2 peas in the pod.  She’s my sister who happens to not be blood.  Some of my other gf who I have known just as long have been in and out of my life and we’re cool about it.  No harm no foul.

Don’t let her bother you.  Attend her wedding, put on a smile and be thankful that you’ll be marrying your Love.  Cause weddings are really about celebrating the union of two people. Not who outdid the other.

Breathe.  It’ll work out.  Just focus on your pending nuptials.


Post # 11
4014 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@erinleigh1- Wait, Im confused too! Did she actually get her proposal?

Post # 12
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Ugh. Girls that act that way just make me cringe. I hope you don’t take offense to this but your best friend sounds like a spoiled brat. Your wedding clearly isn’t that important to her and she’d rather spend the money on herself. Not to mention that everything sounds like it’s a competition with her. I say that you put this girl in her place and tell her that if she doesn’t stop being selfish then your going to opt out of her wedding and use the money that you were planning to use on HER wedding gift to buy yourself a nice pair of shoes. 

Post # 14
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This is not a person who cares about you. It sounds like weddings are making her crazy and bringing out her competitive, jealous side- which if you’ve been friends for a long time, I’d imagine you’ve that side of her before anyway, it just has maybe been something you could overlook.

My good friend at work told me that when you pick your bridal party, you have to pick girls that are really willing to put aside themselves for you. People hvae lots going on in their lives, but this is what’s going on in yours and you should be surrounded by people that care and check in and support you. I mean it is hard to find that sometimes, I have a five person bridal party and there’s maybe one girl I talk to regularly about my wedding. It’s funny how weddings bring about so many friendship changes, I am sure this was unexpected for you, I am going through some similar things myself!

I’d back out of hers and cool the friendship for a bit, she doesnt’ seem to be there for you!

Post # 15
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I can totally see where your fustrations are coming from – its situations like this where I am dissappointed in other women – the cattiness & jealousy is ridiculous!! She is being petty, and is putting you second, but this is one of those things that many women do, its unfortunate, but it is what it is.

But I would absolutely not dismiss myself from her wedding, this is just being petty, IMO. And, I think you will find that after your weddings she will be back to normal.

The topic ‘She can’t afford to be in/come to my wedding… but she bought a -second- dress?’ is closed to new replies.

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