Post # 1
I finally thought things had settled down with fmil, however I Should have known there would be something! Well apparently she has hired her neighbours daughter as a photographer!!!! We have a photographer already an amazing photographer! She assured me it was just photos at her house where FI is getting ready but then she said she wanted just photos of her family all together with me not in them? which would have to be at the wedding ceremony or reception as that’s when all of his family will be together. Well if she wants one of their family (lol if I’m being married to her son am I not family?) anyway she can have the photos done but with our photographer. I tried to tell her that there is no way this girl is taking pics at the wedding she does not have my concent and in the church our photographer and videographer are only allowed to be in one place so we are having an unplugged ceremony I’m not having someone get in there way. And I think it is so rude to think she could turn up taking pics of us when we haven’t asked her to.
Getting FI to speak to his mother to tell her the only place this photographer can take pics is at her house. Also worried she will use pics for her portfolio which is just not going to happen! I just don’t get why people think they can try and organise things when it’s not there wedding!!!
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@redbootz: Many families use weddings as a chance to take formal photos and I don’t think it’s odd for her to want some of just their family….so long as her photos don’t affect your photographer’s ability to take photos. So if she wants to do her side of the family only photos, they need to be before the ceremony because you will need the groom for photos after the ceremony.
Post # 4
@redbootz: Having no context of your previous posts and troubles with your FMIL, I’m not sure I understand what’s the issue here if the neighbour is just going to be at the house. I understand it from your FMIL perspective, all of the family is going to be dressed up and looking nice, so she wans updated pictures. I do think it’s a bit strange/hurtful that she doesn’t want you in the pictures.
Also if your FMIL hires her and gives her consent for the pictures to be used, it’s none of your business whether or not she uses them in her portfolio.
Post # 5
If you think that it will be a major problem, just get someone on the day of the wedding to keep them in line. As in, if this unwelcomed photographer gets in the way, your special problem-solving person will nicely escort them on the side.
You should also let your fmil know that you do not want the contract with your photographer to be broken on the day of your wedding based on the fact that her neighbour is taking pictures at your unplugged wedding.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center
I think her taking pictures of them at the house is fine, but at the wedding? Absolutely not! Put your foot down and tell her the photographer is NOT allowed at your wedding based on the fact that 1. you have a photographer you’re PAYING and 2. you do not want her photographer, you want the one you hired!
Post # 7
@krayzay87: her family won’t all be together till at the church and ceremony so that means she isn’t telling the truth and the photographer she has will be taking pics then and not just at the house. It is a huge issue because if it were to interfere with our photographer and like someone mentioned could be an issue with the contract we have with our photographer. I am happy for our photographer to do the pics if that is what she would like. I just think it is so incredibly rude and I am going to get the details of the girl she has got coming to actually make sure she will only be taking pics at the house.
Post # 8
Tell her no. First off it is rude to exclude you from family photos at your wedding. You fiancé needs to step up and tell his mom you are being disrespected.
It will not only be awkward but an inconveience with a different photographer. You new husband needs to be available for the photographer you hired and 5-10 minutes is a long time on your wedding day.
Post # 9
@redbootz: I understand why you are upset….i could possibly be ok IF….you use your photog only for the church and reception if this chick goes to their house and watches them get ready then leaves and is done….and at the church YOUR photog takes a few quick snaps of just the groom and his family….so FMIL gets her pics but you are in control….in our family its kind of tradition to get pics of just the groom and his family, then the bride and groom and his family, same with wedding party and the bride and her family then the bride and groom and her family….but make it clear that it is your wedding, and if she wants some solo pics of them and their boy (which is a legit idea, we do it every family wedding)….but make it clear that you are part of the family now….and thats not going to change….your FI needs to step up and help you out…..but i cant say much because we are doing some solo shots of each of us with our families at our wedding…..but to down right say she dosent want you in them is really well bitchy of her….we are doing it because we want to for each of us……but its not going to be like whole extended family and just me….itll be us as a couple….we do it for immediate family only and grandparents ect….
but that is my suggestion,you could say…. who ever she wants can do pics at their house as long as it dosent make them late, then that person leaves and at the church, do some snaps of just their family with your photog, play itdown by saying its a contract issue with the church and you would be more then happy to have them take a few pics of him and his family….to help your case but again re-inforce that it is very hurtful as a new member of the family to be told your not good enough to be in pics on YOUR wedding day!
but again i would be upset too that she did it with out telling me…..that is something that as a common courtesy should be brought to the couple…does your FI even want pics of him getting ready??? is something to ask too….is he for sure getting ready at thier house??? Im glad your FI is on your side…..besides how redikulous would that be if your photog is like the one we are booking in 2 weeks…and has a second shooter to go do pics of the groom and family while getting ready??? ours is for sure doing this……so that could go over like a lead balloon….honestly im more upset for you because she said she didnt want you in the pics….if it was just someone to watch them get ready big whoop but the personal slight is jacked up
Post # 10
@redbootz: I’m glad you and your FI are on the same page and that he is going to be the one to tell her. It’s your wedding day and you are now a part of the family. If she wants family portrait time, she can organize something herself and not insert herself into your wedding to do as she pleases. Nope, this wouldn’t work for me either.
Post # 11
Does your photographer have an exclusivity clause? If so your FMIL cannot hire her own photographer. Even if your contract doesn’t have that clause, you could just tell FMIL that it does…
Post # 12
@kansas_nurse: I think it was the way she said it she could have gone about it differently and I know that people have photos of just there families which is completely fine though it is extended family she wants also so that also made me question what she thinks of me as those married into the family are going to be included so seemed odd, if it were fi his mum and dad and sister then I agree this is a normal picture to want to have. It was the way she said it and I felt like I would never sort of fit in. I am also fine with our photographer who we have hired to do the pics for her, because that is the person we are paying loads for and is a great photographer and since we are already paying him she doesn’t need to pay for someone else. FI didn’t want photos of him getting ready as we already had this conversation but if his mum wants getting ready shots that again is ok (should have asked first) but I am hurt she didn’t discuss anything with us. I think I will tell her she can’t use the photographer at the church and reception but our photographer will do the pics. I don’t see why this solution would be an issue for her other than she is just being difficult. Thank you for the advice.
Post # 13
Can FMIL itemize which photos/combinations of people she wants? That may clarify for both her and you how much time the photos of her family would occupy and would set her mind at ease in knowing that those photos are your photographer’s priority, too.