She did what?!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@redbootz:  Many families use weddings as a chance to take formal photos and I don’t think it’s odd for her to want some of just their family….so long as her photos don’t affect your photographer’s ability to take photos.  So if she wants to do her side of the family only photos, they need to be before the ceremony because you will need the groom for photos after the ceremony.

Post # 4
Member
929 posts
Busy bee

@redbootz:  Having no context of your previous posts and troubles with your FMIL, I’m not sure I understand what’s the issue here if the neighbour is just going to be at the house. I understand it from your FMIL perspective, all of the family is going to be dressed up and looking nice, so she wans updated pictures. I do think it’s a bit strange/hurtful that she doesn’t want you in the pictures.

Also if your FMIL hires her and gives her consent for the pictures to be used, it’s none of your business whether or not she uses them in her portfolio.

Post # 5
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

If you think that it will be a major problem, just get someone on the day of the wedding to keep them in line. As in, if this unwelcomed photographer gets in the way, your special problem-solving person will nicely escort them on the side.

You should also let your fmil know that you do not want the contract with your photographer to be broken on the day of your wedding based on the fact that her neighbour is taking pictures at your unplugged wedding.

Post # 6
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

I think her taking pictures of them at the house is fine, but at the wedding? Absolutely not! Put your foot down and tell her the photographer is NOT allowed at your wedding based on the fact that 1. you have a photographer you’re PAYING and 2. you do not want her photographer, you want the one you hired!

Post # 8
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tell her no. First off it is rude to exclude you from family photos at your wedding. You fiancé needs to step up and tell his mom you are being disrespected.

It will not only be awkward but an inconveience with a different photographer. You new husband needs to be available for the photographer you hired and 5-10 minutes is a long time on your wedding day. 

Post # 9
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@redbootz:  I understand why you are upset….i could possibly be ok IF….you use your photog only for the church and reception if this chick goes to their house and watches them get ready then leaves and is done….and at the church YOUR photog takes a few quick snaps of just the groom and his family….so FMIL gets her pics but you are in control….in our family its kind of tradition to get pics of just the groom and his family, then the bride and groom and his family, same with wedding party and the bride and her family then the bride and groom and her family….but make it clear that it is your wedding, and if she wants some solo pics of them and their boy (which is a legit idea, we do it every family wedding)….but make it clear that you are part of the family now….and thats not going to change….your FI needs to step up and help you out…..but i cant say much because we are doing some solo shots of each of us with our families at our wedding…..but to down right say she dosent want you in them is really well bitchy of her….we are doing it because we want to for each of us……but its not going to be like whole extended family and just me….itll be us as a couple….we do it for immediate family only and grandparents ect….

but that is my suggestion,you could say…. who ever she wants can do pics at their house as long as it dosent make them late, then that person leaves and at the church, do some snaps of just their family with your photog, play itdown by saying its a contract issue with the church and you would be more then happy to have them take a few pics of him and his family….to help your case but again re-inforce that it is very hurtful as a new member of the family to be told your not good enough to be in pics on YOUR wedding day!

but again i would be upset too that she did it with out telling me…..that is something that as a common courtesy should be brought to the couple…does your FI even want pics of him getting ready??? is something to ask too….is he for sure getting ready at thier house??? Im glad your FI is on your side…..besides how redikulous would that be if your photog is like the one we are booking in 2 weeks…and has a second shooter to go do pics of the groom and family while getting ready??? ours is for sure doing this……so that could go over like a lead balloon….honestly im more upset for you because she said she didnt want you in the pics….if it was just someone to watch them get ready big whoop but the personal slight is jacked up

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@redbootz:  I’m glad you and your FI are on the same page and that he is going to be the one to tell her. It’s your wedding day and you are now a part of the family. If she wants family portrait time, she can organize something herself and not insert herself into your wedding to do as she pleases. Nope, this wouldn’t work for me either.

Post # 11
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Does your photographer have an exclusivity clause? If so your FMIL cannot hire her own photographer. Even if your contract doesn’t have that clause, you could just tell FMIL that it does…

Post # 13
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Can FMIL itemize which photos/combinations of people she wants? That may clarify for both her and you how much time the photos of her family would occupy and would set her mind at ease in knowing that those photos are your photographer’s priority, too.

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