- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
I see no reason why you have to see this woman without DH around. She is terrible to you and a bully. Yes, she is technically family, but that only means so much.
Even if she would throw a fit (which she sounds like the kind of person who would) if you didn’t come around, is it really worth putting up with when you are? To me, it wouldn’t be.
@redbootz: I see no issue with you placing a distance been you and her. If she wants to hang out, I would suggest a public place like a restaurant. After that, have a nice short convo and “I have to go. My doctor/mother/priest is calling” and end the convo.
Also, don’t be afraid to have a “polite spine”. It’s ok to disagree with her in a nice way.
“You photos are ugly: “Well, we think they are nice”
Google ways to deal with toxic people..
@redbootz: Oh My goodess, you poor thing! How awful to have someone constantly undermining you and not be able to say anything! Does DH ever notice/ comment on it?
My MiL went a bit crazy in the run up to the wedding and actually on the day at times, but I decided I had to be up front with her and nip it in the bud, and I think she respected me for putting some boundaries down and she backed off. But what she was doing is nothing compared to what you are describing. Do you think you could have an open discussion on neutral territory and tell her how her actions make you feel, or is it a total no-no?
Sorry to hear about you difficult MIL.
After reading it, I think you should stand up for yourself. It sounds like your MIL has an aggressive personality. Those can be very, very frustrating. So, I’d say when she is criticizing you, your photos, or what have you, just let her know, “Oh no, I disagree…” and tell her all the positives. Don’t let her negativity ruin your joy. And if she keeps trying to point out negatives, just keep interrupting her and telling her she is wrong and that everything is perfect.
Stand your ground and don’t let her win. 🙂
That’s what I would do.
You don’t have to be mean about it, but be aggressive.
Wow, I am so sorry you have to deal with such a monster in law. I know you don’t want to put any extra pressure on your DH before his deployment, but maybe he can talk with her and let her know that she needs to play nice if she’s going to have a relationship with you and her son. It’s really not fair that she walked all over your wedding, but what’s done is done, so try (as hard as it may be) to focus on the positives of the day, and not her craziness. Don’t let her walk all over you anymore. In my opinion, manners go out the window after a certain point, and if she’s being this much of a witch, she doesn’t deserve to be treated with respect.
I would probably not put in much of an effort when your DH gets deployed to see his family. They sound really, really toxic and I wouldn’t want to deal with them.
I’m sure you look beautiful in your wedding pictures. Don’t let her rain on your newlywed parade.
You should tell your DH and have him talk to his mother. You will be dealing with her for the rest of you life – better to quash it now.
@redbootz: Why should you go see her? My hubby is deploying and there are plenty of people I COULD visit but will NOT visit. Don’t go see her until your man gets back home because there is no need to put yourself under that stress. Deployments are hard enough!
@Misswhowedding: Even seeing her with DH around makes me anxious as I feel I am always walking on egg shells around her, but I know she will make a fuss if I don’t attempt to go round whilst he is away and then use it against me that I have ignored her, and I know the stress isn’t worth it but at the same time it’s like I want her approval of me and always hoping she will just accept me.
@LuvMySailor: Well we went to the movies ages ago and being in a public place didn’t deter her from still making comments about me or my family. She thinks she is superior and that I’m not good enough. I tried to put a suggestion to her very politely about the bridesmaid dresses one time and it gave me palputations as she suddenly flipped because I asked her to make the dresses to touch the floor. But it isn’t just wedding things she flips out over, DH and I can’t make it to his nieces birthday (she is a rude obnoxious girl) and she got mad that we couldn’t go but DH is working and I am not going on my own. I am second guessing the pics now. I can’t disagree with her as she only has one opinion.
@cheeriobee: I think giving her boundaries would be a huge No at the moment I can’t even reason with her that the last two years we have spent xmas with her and this year we are going to see my family. I fear telling her to back down will only make her worse. One time we had a difference of opinion and we went to a family party and she kept bringing different women to meet my DH in front of me which was, well I didn’t know what to say and she didn’t introduce me at all as his future wife! I should have stood up at that point in time and made it clear I would always fight my corner but I didn’t I guess I’m weak.
@redbootz: Wow, what a bitch! But why were you sitting, looking through your album with her being terrorized? If it’d been me I’d have just picked up all the photos and said ‘I don’t appreciate the comments you’re making about me’ and I’d have just excused myself. Then I’d gave talked to my husband about it and try to come up with a plan.
She sounds awful. I really feel for you.
You need to express all this to your husband and make sure he understands how terrible she makes you feel.
Keep your distance.
Because oh yes she took it upon herself to hire her own photographer because she said she didn’t want me in the pictures!
This is so, so unacceptable!!!
@redbootz: So, you are damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.
I still say stay away from her. Why place yourself somewhere where you are not comfortable.
I would suggest you go to a therapist to give you ways to build up your self-esteem. You being emotinally stronger will help combat this MIL.
@MrsYoshida: DH and I were showing her together when he had to go sort something for his dad so I was left with MIL and I didn’t say anything because she scares me and she is so volatile if I say anything she sort of goes off on one and has a way to just make me feel awful and she will always have the last word. I guess I seem weak but I just can’t ever bring myself to say anything in fear she will yell at me. DH has already spoken to her about her behaviour on previous occasions and it never seems to make any difference. It is just hurtful when we try to include her she has to always say something negative. My own mum can be scary and she was strict when we grew up but MIL is like a different scale of scary I mean the first time I met her she had a volatile moment with one of her Grandchildren so my DH told her they had a guest and she told (yelled) me I could leave! I know I have to just tell her how I feel and if it means the end of any relationship I guess I know I tried but I need to work up the courage.