Post # 1
For the last month or so my FMIL has done nothing but cause trouble. Right now we live with her and my FFIl until around the time of the wedding as my FI was working on finishing up some school and to do so, quit his job. (I’m pretty sure he would’ve quit anyways, things were getting pretty rough there) Anyways, I usually get along great with her and we have a good time talking and such but lately I just want to go upstairs and have a serious discussion with her about how to treat us.
- Right before they left for vacation for a week she had decided to scream at FI over the dishes. I usually do ours myself and a lot of the time was taking care of theirs as well because she’s lazy. I never complained about it to her but when she started leaving my rinsed off dishes in the sink when she reloaded I mentioned it to FI (I would only do that when the dishwasher needed to get unloaded). The day she freaked out it was because he had a few unrinsed dishes he brought up. She then told him that his dad said if we didn’t start ALWAYS rinsing off our dishes we’d have to take ours out from storage
- When they got back from vacation she had a crap ton of laundry to do. She took up the washing machine all week and this weekend was the first time I’ve been able to do any laundry. I did a load last night and didn’t get a chance to put it in the dryer but was going to do it this morning when I woke up and she was already complaining she needed it again.
- His family has been planning since the end of last yr to go back to texas where some extended family lives in May. When they told us we were too busy with other things to worry about it (and with the wedding coming up and the holidays I didn’t think we would even go because of $$$) Last night his sister brought it up at dinner and everyone got pissed at us because we weren’t sure if we were going. On our priority list that just doesn’t take number one right now. I’ll meet his extended family on the wedding day. We don’t have over $500 extra to spare. If we did, I’d be getting my car fixed.
- Today (this is why I’m furious right now) she decided to freak out on my already anxious FI about his job situation. He’s been applying for jobs ever since he got done with school and today he decided he was going to go to the bank after getting all dressed up and get some applications. He has a problem being anxious when the unknown happens so he went up to talk to her before leaving. Instead of being any support or help she decided it would be OK to tell him that he should apply at a temp agency for a job instead and that no one would hire him if he didn’t. I know this to be baloney. He told her that all he wanted was help and she said “Obviously you are unwilling to take any help from someone much older than you” and blah blah blah. Now he’s entirely discouraged and anxious about going so he’s not.
I’m furious. If it wasn’t for her he would be going to the bank right now trying to get a job. She always does this. anytime we have a plan to do anything she yells at us and tells us this is what we should be doing instead. There is rarely any encouragement to my FI and I, just her bitchiness. I’m not really sure what to do now. I just feel like going upstairs and tearing her a new one.
If you got through all that thanks, I’m sorry but I really just needed to vent.
Post # 3
Well if your Fi keeps going to his mom for advice, he probably knows what to expect. A temp agency isn’t a bad idea, though. But your FI is a grown man and he could choose to do what he pleases. Instead he chooses to just stay home and listen to his mom. I know it doesn’t help that your FMIL is sorta bitchy, but i think the bigger problem is that your FI just listened to her and called it a day. If he knows she is discouraging, he should talk to you, not her. You are blaming your FMIL for what your Fi is doing. I just don’t get it–he is choosing to stay home because he’s in a sour mood. I’d have told him to suck it up and go.
But you live in her house and as much as it sucks, it sounds like she sees him as a dependent child. I don’t think she is thrilled to have you guys living there. In my opinion, you should be doing all your own dishes…you get free rent, right? It may sound petty but you’re in their house. I had to rinse off all my dishes as a child. I still do when I visit my parents. Or they get super annoyed and crab at me over it. And she has priority on the washing machine, so I don’t see the big deal there. The money thing is irrelevant–if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it.
Post # 4
This situation really sucks! As someone who’s been through FMIL hell I will give you this advice: keep the peace! Whatever you can do just try to tough it out until after the wedding when you guys have moved out into your own place. Chances are your relationship will be much better once you are living apart. It’s tough having a roomate let alone your parents when you’re an adult. All these issues just seem to be about nagging and chores. It’s almost as if your FI is back in high school again. His mother probably views him as she always has. Try to remember that you are just annoyed at the moment and in the future these feelings will probably subside. Thankfully it doesn’t seem as if any of these issues are deep-rooted. Would it really be worth it to get this all off your shoulders to your FMIL and then wreck your relationship with her? I’m guessing no because although they seem big now, later on you’ll see that it was all ust a bunch of tension and nerves bundled up to cause this situation. Just try your best to be strong and be that support for your FI if she can’t be. You guys will be out of there an on your own in no time.
Post # 5
@ejs4y8: I see where you are coming at from this whole thing. He usually does come to me for advice but he went upstairs to ask her a question and she flipped out on him. I tried to console him but I know that when he’s anxious telling him to do something isn’t going to make it any better. (He struggles with anxiety) My FI and I did fine when we were on our own in our own place. But now that we are here she feels the need to treat him like he’s stupid.
I do do the dishes, and that’s why I’m upset,because I do take care of all of ours but she has to act like we don’t give a rat’s ass about anything. For the longest time I was the one cleaning Their bathroom even though I barely used it, simply because I couldn’t stand the fact that she never cleaned it. She literally does nothing around here. She sits around, watches TV and soap operas all day, does a load of laundry, and maybe a few dishes. I work 30-40 hours a week, am planning a wedding, trying to get promoted, start school next week, and handle laundry and other chores.
@mrs.peters.to.be:and thank you for that, I believe really that’s all this is. We otherwise get along great, it’s just hard living with parents when you want to be independent.