- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
This is going to be a very long post!
I have a best friend (male) known for over a decade since playground days etc. He’s like a brother to me. All of my relationships I have ever had I’ve made it known that my best friend will always be in my life and that will never change.
Since I’ve met my fiance, he gets along great with my best friend and we have always had my best friend around and he never feels/thinks its awkward to be our forever 3rd wheel.
My bestfriend has had girlfriends in the past but he’s kind of shallow and wasn’t really serious with them. During college he partied and kind of slept around. Though I immediately commit to long term relationships and we are quite different, we would get along great and he is one of my favorite people in the world despite some character flaws.
He started seriously dating this girl from his work and wanted me to get to know her. I’ve invited her countless times to all of my girl outings with my own friends, double dates, and my apartment to stay over for several days with my best friend. She is taciturn, quiet, unsocial, and rude in all these settings. My best friend has told me that she just doesn’t like me and for the last 6 months none of the people that have had to hang out with her have gotten along with her so I really think its her not me.
Now I’m not the type of person to dictate to my best friend who he should and shouldn’t date but on numerous occasions she has cheated on him and not only he but I have caught her cheating on him. The first occasion was when she was here at my apartment and she told me to take a picture of them two and I took many so I was looking over the photos in her phone and the last recent one was her kissing some other guy all over him and it clearly was not my best friend. The second time, my best friend was hanging out with me that day and was going to drop me off at the train station he decided to drop by her house with me in the car to give her something before he left to drop me off and he saw her car parked in the neighboring park and her and some other guy making out in her car.
There has been numerous confrontations, terrible arguments between the two of them and she keeps on telling him (behind my back) that the reason for her being unfaithful is because he is with me all the time (not true, I live 9 hours away, visit maybe 1x every 2 months) and is already emotionally cheating on her with me which is far worse than what she is doing to him (physically cheating).
She is not fun to be around. I invite her along because shes his girlfriend but sometimes I just want to hang out with him on his own. She only has things to say if its disrespectful/rude/prejudice and mean and she’s not interested in anything else. So when I do come to visit him and sometimes he asks to bring her along, occasionally I tell him straight up that I just want to hang out with him on his own and I’m not in the mood to hang out with her. That like all people in my life, I can handle certain people in small doses because she has such a strong personality. He understands and doesn’t bring her to every event I invite him to and she has gotten progressively pissed.
Now I have friends my fiance doesn’t necessarily like so he doesn’t want to be around them I wonder why she cares to always tag along when she straight out doesn’t want to be around me either? Sometimes I just want to hang out with someone one on one and spend time with my best friend that I’ve known since childhood but she insists that “I’m just some girl” that my best friend is fixated on. I don’t exclude her all the time, mind you I invite her to almost everything and she has declined on numerous occasions but the second I want to hang out with my bestfriend just me and him to do things that my fiance doesn’t necessarily enjoy like going shopping, etc she INSISTS on coming along and throws a fit that she wasn’t invited.
My best friend desperately wants us to be friends but to me I feel like some people just aren’t meant to like each other. I tolerate her and everything that she is, hell I’ve invited her to stay at my own house and cooked for her when she was in a VEGAN PHASE and insisted I buy everything from whole foods because she wont eat anything not organic. She has NEVER invited me to go anywhere, or even texted me or wanted to get along with me, she has told my best friend that she hates me and thinks he’s emotionally cheating on her with me.
I’m trying to see it through her side. My fiance gets along with my best friend and he’s going to be a groomsmen. My best friend is my family to me and isn’t just some guy I insist tag along everywhere. During family reunions christmas parties, my family invites my best friend and my grandmother when she was alive treated him like another grand kid. My best friend even attended my grandmother’s funeral for an illustration of how close we are.
I guess I’m just ranting but I kind of want to know how you all feel about her situation. She feels that she is second to me. She feels that he often chooses me over her.
I don’t see any decision that needs to be made between either of us. Why can’t he just hang out with an old friend on his own terms once in awhile?