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She had to outdo me ...

posted 2 years ago in DIY
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    Busy bee
    EngagedToPanda    September 26, 2009   East Stroudsburg, getting married in Colorado

    So I have a little story to share about one of my bridesmaids who is a graphic designer and was going to design my invitations for me.

    Basically, I asked her to do a graphic for me in the invitation design. When she said she couldn't draw graphics, I drew one I liked and asked her to please use it in the invitation. She refused to do it because then the design "wouldn't be hers." That's when I found out that she had offered to do it more for her portforlio than as a wedding gift to me :( I begged her to please just do it as a favor, to just throw some text on my drawing for me (because I didn't really know how to or even have the necessary software), and she refused.  I even said she could do her own design as well and I would decide between the two, but she assumed I'd pick mine automatically, and told me to "get someone else,"  and she'd "get me another gift." A friend of mine who had the software ended up helping me finish them up. Anyway, so the story now is that she decided, after I already printed mine, to send me what she "would have done," and now everyone I've asked likes her design better. It would only cost $25 to reprint the invites, but FI doesn't think I should do it out of principle.

    She won't let me post her design on here, because she doesn't want anyone to "steal it" (like really, please, you're not THAT good), but this is mine ... I just think it looks so childish now compared to hers. I don't know why she even sent it to me knowing I had already printed mine, I was so happy with mine before :(

    Attachments

    1. She had to outdo me ... :  wedding Img invitesmall.jpg (19.6 KB, 445 downloads) 2 years old
     
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    Busy bee
    crabcake      

    That sucks, but your invite is so adorable!  I love it! 

     
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    missteacher       San Diego

    not to be a brat, but i think you should post hers anyway because she didn't respect you very much. that said, yours is adorable! i really like it :)

     
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    SCCRNE1    October 3, 2009   Southern California

    I am a professional Graphic Designer and frankly I think all stuff she said is crap.  I have done many friends wedding, shower and baby annoucements. I would never do that to a friend or even a freelance client.  Sounds like she is just bent out of shape becaue you had your own ideas for your invites. Some artists are a pain in the butt like that.  It's not really feasible to work like that in the professional world. 

     Keep yours!!! I agree with your fiance. Do not give her the satisfaction of thinking she was justified in her behavior.  She is acting like a baby.  Yours are cute and they have special meaning because you made them.  When you look at them you will always think of the time and effort and love that went into them.

    I like yours better no matter what hers look like. 

    And by the way if you contributed to pieces of a project (i work with large teams on graphics) they are fair game to use in your portofolio.  Everyone knows whern you go for interviews that you had writers, art directors, illustrators and various team members working on a campaign.

     
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    RecessionistaBride    January 28, 2012  

    Wow... that's extremely selfish of her. Your BM also has a poor attitude. I understand that in her type of business copying can be an issue, but watermark it! She also missed out on a business opportunity. What if one of the brides looooved her designs & sent you a message asking for her information?

    I'm a firm believer in sharing your work.

    Look at Martha Stewart. Her whole empire was built on sharing her recipes & tips! Had she kept it all a secret, she wouldn't have ever become such a success. As a small business owner where my recipes are my income, I remind myself of her story and I've completely changed my attitude towards "copying". I'm even considering writing my own cookbook :)

     
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    Buzzing bee
    labrador      

    This is a bridesmaid? Wow. Sounds to me like you need to have a serious talk with her and quick. If she's acting this way about something like an invite, I can only imagine what else she'll decide to go "bridesmaidzilla" on. Geez.

    And I agree with CC. Your invite is super cute!

     
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    cbgg      

    I think yours is adorable and totally unique and memorable.  I think it's really really awesome.  

    Plus the other invite was made in spite, so that's kind of bad karma-y.

     
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    eloping    May 23, 2010  

    what do you want to do????  its your wedding and your emotions so go with what makes you happiest and makes you feel good about yourself and your wedding

    i dont like how you wrote you begged her to help and she refused and then afterwards showed you. if a friend asks for help a good friend will respond in kind  and do what they can without being a drama queen about it

    personally i think your invites are cute & personable  - you did them yourself and that earns kudos with me!

     

     
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    EngagedToPanda    September 26, 2009   East Stroudsburg, getting married in Colorado

    @SCCRNE, thanks so much. For some reason what you said about her in the professional world and how as a designer thats not something you would ever do really made me feel better. I was thinking the same thing! She is completely incapable of taking any input. Everything is about her and "her design" and she didn't care what I wanted for my wedding.

    Personally, I think the best invite would have been a combination of our two (like what I orignally asked her to do), but I guess we just can't work together.

    @miss LOL, if you or anyone else really wants to see the other design just PM your email address!

    @recessionista, you make some REALLY good points about sharing your work. I'm also pretty protective of my poetry and such, but you really sold me.

    Thanks to all who said mine was cute! The only thing I can say about mine is that, while hers is very pretty and professional, it's missing my sense of humor :)

     
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    amysue    6/6/09  

    Engaged, I REALLY like your invite. I haven't seen hers so I can't compare them, but I think yours is adorable and I really love that *you* made it, and so will your guests. I say go with it!

    Attachments

    1. She had to outdo me ... :  wedding Img happynewyear.jpg (301.2 KB, 26 downloads) 1 year old
    2. She had to outdo me ... :  wedding Img submission61.jpg (484.7 KB, 26 downloads) 1 year old
    3. She had to outdo me ... :  wedding Img submission.jpg (490.9 KB, 26 downloads) 1 year old
    4. She had to outdo me ... :  wedding Img junebugsubmission5.jpg (206.1 KB, 26 downloads) 1 year old
     
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    Busy bee
    EngagedToPanda    September 26, 2009   East Stroudsburg, getting married in Colorado

    I'm so frustrated all ... I tried to talk to her about it and she won't even admit she's done anything wrong. All we do is fight. We never see eachother because she can't commit a day a week in advance pretty much ever. I'm thinking of just ending the friendship until she grows up one day and says something heartfelt ... she is not the same person she used to be.

    ... 23 years down the drain.

     
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    Bamboo    June 2010   Midwest

    Um, I think your invitation is awesome! Stick to yours! Both because its AMAZING and out of principle!

     
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    suza    August 28, 2009   Vienna, VA

    Awww I'm so sorry. Something sounds amiss - I'm not so sure I would have kept pressing her for help if she pushed back so firmly on it. A 'no' can sometimes mean 'not now' but her 'no' was like 'Heck no!' That is odd. Might wanna distance yourself a little. **Hugs**   

     
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    sparkle    November 2009  

    I love your invite! Super cute! And, you made it so its special. Your friend's reaction is really strange, I have no idea what would cause that. I agree with your FI though, don't reprint them on principle. Your friend is being totally ridiculous and unreasonable, I can't imagine why someone would behave that way.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    pvaulter718    September 5, 2009   Pennsylvania

    I think yours is fun and shows a ton of personality! Go with it, and remember that everyone will love it, because you did it! Move on from her negatvitiy, you don't want that surrounding your big day.

     
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    Sugar bee
    Jenniphyr    February 2, 2013   Alberta, Canada

    First off, I'm sorry that your "friend" of so many years is becoming such an unknown, unlikeable person. That has got to hurt, so *HUGS* for you.

    Secondly, if I'm honest -- yes, your design looks a little "childish" just because of the pencil crayon colouring. BUT. I like it. A lot. If you're having a fun, laid-back outdoor wedding, that design is PERFECT for your wedding. =) And even if you're not, it helps give the guests a cheerful feeling about your wedding. Yes, some people might sneer at it because it's not professionaly done or letter-pressed. But they're you, they're special, and you should use them (unless your bridesmaid smartens up and stops acting like such a b!tch).

     
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    Buzzing bee
    bluespurrs    August 7, 2009   South-central PA, USA, Earth

    I love your design and I agree with FI, stick with yours. I hate when people play head games!

     
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    fontgoddess    August 8, 2009   British Columbia, Canada

    I'm a graphic designer, too, and she was totally out of line. I would never treat a client that way, let alone a friend! I think your invitations are sweet and fun, and I would absolutely not use whatever she sent you.

     
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    Blushing bee
    eggman9091    January 16, 2010   South Florida

    I love your invitations.  You should stick to what you have created.  Your bridesmaid was being absolutely unreasonable. 

     
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    Helper bee
    JeanL1984    October 16, 2010   Kingston, PA

    Ok, I'm a little late to this conversation here, but seriously, I wish I had known this back story when we talked! That's lame. These are so cute! Like I told you, I really like the hand drawn look of these - the 'texture' of the colorings makes it stand out - like you had someone paint it just for you. I liked the other one, but it doesn't matter what I, or anyone else likes. What do you and your FI like best? Yours are awesome and if they make you happy, then send those suckers out! :)

     
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    Curlysue    June 5, 2009  

    OMGosh that's insane! EngagedToPanda I think your BM is being completely rude. Plus, if she's supposed to be friend and in your wedding, she treats you like this? I'm sorry, but that's just wrong. I agree, do not use her invites. Yous are adorable and I think people will be happy to know you made them yourself. You have special connection to them!

     
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    poodle    April 1, 2010   California / Planning Process in Chile

    I'm a Designer also and I've done a lot of work for my friends, I would never even do that to the worst of my clients. I agree with all the girls here!! Keep to your design it looks really cute :) And just in case you want I could help you with your invitation (at no cost) just because I feel terrible she’s treating you like that and DO NOT USE HERS!!. Message me if your interest and *hugs* to you

    Ohh and I'm not saying I dont like yours, yours are adorable, I think that if you made them makes eveything more special  :)

     
    23.
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    Sugar bee
    Tanya123      

    I totally agree.  I hope this Bm learns a little from this.  Maybe she would have drummed up some business if she had helped you out.  But really I think you'll look back and adore these invitations.  These will reflect your personality much better, I'm sure.

    Attachments

    1. She had to outdo me ... :  wedding Img amsale_ella.jpg (69.6 KB, 104 downloads) 1 year old
     
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    FutureMrsDuff    8/28/2009   Bloomington, MN

    Yikes! Coming from the POV of a graphic designer (and a former BM) what she did was just awful. If she refused to do this for you she should have never sent you her version, that only puts salt in the wound. Talk about an AW. Big hugs to you for having to deal with this kind of a BM. 

    Your invites are cute!! I love the graphic you did!

    PS. Tanya hit it right on the head - after doing my friend's invites and programs I had many people coming up to me at her reception asking  

     
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    Buzzing bee
    caitlanc    September 12, 2009   Western Slope of Colorado

    Panda, I think your invite is adorable (and perfect for CO!)  You should stick with it and be proud of your work!  If you're worried about it looking unprofessional maybe get it printed professionally and on nice paper. 

    Oh, and if a friend sent me an invite like that it would be on the fridge for YEARS.  :-)

     
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    Blushing bee
    msritaliu    March 19, 2010   Tustin (Orange County), CA

    your friend is just mean, plain and simple. I think your invite is SUPER cute and fun! Plus- it's your's! It's definitely something to be proud & happy of :)

     
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    Sugar bee
    Kittyachi    August 2010   New York

    Awwww your invites are totally adorable! Use them and screw the other ones. You designed them yourself, which makes them extra special, and I think they look pretty darn good! I know I am NOT a DIYer so kudos to you. Also, I've received "professional" invitations, engraved and all that jazz, which were clearly expensive, and I've thought they were ugly. Would much rather receive something that was made personally. It will just give your wedding a joyful, personal vibe right off the bat.

    And like others have said, your BM is dumb for not sharing her work. How does she expect to build a client base if she won't show anyone what she can do? Duh.

    Attachments

    1. She had to outdo me ... :  wedding Img custom_043_003.JPG (38.8 KB, 28 downloads) 1 year old
    2. She had to outdo me ... :  wedding Img custom_043_002.JPG (34.6 KB, 28 downloads) 1 year old
     
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    iferrante    July 17, 2010   Toronto

    DO NOT USE HERS!!  Your invite is really cute.  And it is more personal.  Although "hers" may be nice...did she create it for your day, or to make a point and (as you put it) "out do" you.  If that is the case, you DO NOT want to use her invite.  Yours is special cause you made it & you wanted to make it.  Hers is only an effort to cause you grief.  BTW- why did you chose this girl as one of your bridesmaids??  Doesn't seem like she wants to put in the effort. 

     
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    bruschetta    August 29, 2009   Philadelphia

    Yours is very cute!  I'm sorry to hear about this annoying drama.  :(

     
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    Mrs. DG    July 18, 2009   Seattle/Tahoe

    What did you end up doing ETP?  Did you and Poodle make a connection or did you use yours?  Inquiring minds want to know :)

    Hopefully you were thrilled with the result of whatever you decided!

     
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    Helper bee
    Bridebella    October 17, 2009   Knoxville, TN

    Yes! Let us know what you decided.

    So sorry to hear about the drama.

     
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    ladybuglove    October 23, 2010  

    i'm sorry to hear that:-( please let us know what you decided. i hope everything worked out for the best.

     
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    ilovenycmissie    September 2009   nyc

    Oh that's the cutest design ever, I say keep it, hers sucks no matter what it looks like because hers is a copy of yours; yours is an original design how cool is that?

     

    yours is adorable and it is yours so I say keep it

     

    keep it keep it keep it

    you go girl

     
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    Busy bee
    LLauRRa    10/10/09   Dallas, TX

    Now if you use hers it's like you're justifying her behavior... it's like you're telling her she can treat people that way. I don't know how she has ANY clients if she acts that way. I'm a graphic designer too... I have no idea how or why she could act that way!

     
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    kmattso2    May 22, 2010   Morris, IL

    I think yours is adorable and I really don't think you should use hers, even if it is only $25.  Now you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you designed your own invites, and she doesn't have an extra work to put in her portfolio.

     
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    His Barista    September 4, 2010   Spokane, WA

    I like yours. It is very unique and no one is going to know what hers looked like. Don't give her the staisfaction of using hers.

     
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    Blushing bee
    GothyBride2B      

    Yours is cute.

    Plus, your names are Lauren & Sean?? Those are my two best friends who will be my maid and man of honors names! How cool!

     

     
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    wwax    3rd October 2009   Indiana

    Keep your invite, I don't think I'd like to have the bad karma and thoughts from having hers as your invites.  Let's face it if you stop showing everyone hers, no one will know it was better ( or maybe they'll  think it was worse because you went with your design).

     
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    quiche    May 2, 2009   Chicago

    I also think your invitation is really cute!  Sorry to hear about this childish drama she is throwing your way.  Friends shouldn't do that to one another & it is just sucky.  UGH!

     

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