Post # 1
So obviously my wedding day is one I always dreamed about. Even before I had a groom, my best friend and I would talk about our wedding plans knowing that we would be eachothers MOH. When my fiance asked me to marry him on July 28th of last year she was the second person I called, of course my mom was first. I had dramatic ideas for how I would ask her to be in my wedding, which didn’t pan out but the important thing was I asked and she accepted. So it’s 7 months later we are busy making plans, going to bridal shows, and all kinds of fun stuff. My wedding isn’t until October but I like to have things done early. So we have ordered the tux and are making plans to try on wedding dresses and pick out dresses for the girls, and my MOH tells me that maybe I should consider someone else as my maid of honor! I can’t believe it! This is a time that we always talked about. Granted we are at different places in our lives- I am 30 no children and just getting ready to get married and start my family and she has been married and had her family for 10 years, but she is still the one I turn to and she is telling me to turn elsewhere. Her only explanation is- “I think someone who knows you better would do a better job.” I am crushed and don’t know what to do. My sister in laws are my three bridesmaids. I don’t want any of them to think that I like one more than the other by asking one to be my maid of honor. I have plenty of cousins but again, I am close with all of them but don’t want any of them to think I like one more than the others. I have other friends but I feel awkward since I told everyone seven months ago that she would be my maid of honor and now I ask them as if they are my second choice. I am crushed and don’t know what to do. Do I just not have a MOH? Help!!!
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay
oh i’m so sorry about that, that must have been a shock. did something happen that maybe she’s not comfortable talking about? in any case, i don’t know if this helps, but i have heard a lot of brides who are upset with MOH’s who are not interested/involved in the planning, so it’s kind of good that she told you that she doesn’t feel she should be MOH.
as to what to do, i think it’s okay not to have an MOH if you feel that asking someone else would complicate things too much. i actually like that idea, although i’m sorry things aren’t panning out the way you had hoped. i hope everything works out!
Post # 4
I’d be honest with your sisters-in-law and let them pick straws. Seriously, roll a dice, pick a card, anything as long as it’s as arbitrary as possible and done right in front of them. That way they all know that there is no preference involved but you simply need a MOH. I’d basically ‘accept’ your MOH’s decision, God only knows what further drama she could pile on you in the run-up to your wedding, and you can never be sure if there aren’t any problems in her personal life she’s taking out on you. Either way she’s not being a great friend at a time when you really need her. Let her cool off, she may come around and you can always keep a bridesmaid spot open for her.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t necessarily “beg” her to be the MOH, but I would definitely talk to her about it more. If it still seems like she isn’t interested in being the MOH, I would just not have one. That’s a crappy situation to be in, I’m sorry 🙁
Post # 6
Honestly, I just wouldn’t have a MOH. If your BMs are your 3 SILs then I think they will be able to work together, and with you, to give you a nice wedding experience. I wouldn’t borrow trouble by making one of them “more important” than the others.
Post # 7
so I have been thinking my situation the last couple of days.
1: I tried to discuss the situation with my first MOH and see where she was at, maybe there was something that I wasn’t aware of that would make her not want to be my MOH. That was a nightmare! We got into a huge fight, things were said, and I honestly think the relationship is past repair now. Sad
2: I thought about not having a MOH. I could do this but having someone important to me stand up as my MOH is crucial for me, and there are a lot of people that I know would say yes, but I can’t decide on one friend or cousin. I don’t want to give HER the satisfaction of saying “hmmm, so you couldn’t find anyone else huh?”
3: I thought about asking someone else but I want someone to be my MOH that means a lot to me, so I have made my final decision! There are 10 people in this world that mean the most to me that I would lay down my life for and 9 of them are in my wedding. My finace, brothers, sister-in-laws, father, and neices and nephews, there is only one other person, my mom. I was the only girl in my family so my mother and I are super close and do everything together. So I am going to ask my mother to be my MOH. I know I know she will have so much on her plate being the MOB and the MOH but I honestly think she wouldn’t want it any other way.
So I think you former MOH for doing me such a favor. I will have someone standing beside me who has seen me through EVERYTHING in my life. Now that it’s settled I have a sense of giddy peace. I am happy! Thank you Bees!
Post # 8
@mandy72980: I am glad you found your own perfect solution! As I was reading the thread I was going to ask if there was a male figure in your life that you were close to that you could ask instead (brother/good guy friend etc.) but your mom is an unexpected but perfect option instead who represents what a MOH should be.
Post # 9
I am sorry you had to deal with this situation at all (your first MOH sounds like a major b), but I’m happy that you found a great solution. I am sure you Mom is thrilled, and it doesn’t sound like you could have picked a better person 🙂
Post # 10
I have been there before, only I was the MOH backing out of the wedding three months before the event. There was a good reason why, and there also was a HUGE falling out. I wish that you both were able to talk, but sometimes it’s just not a relationship that was worth saving, especially if she would do that to you. Glad that you made a better choice that means so much more to you! Good luck!
Post # 11
I just stumbled upon this post, but I’m happy to hear everything has worked out. At least your MOH will be the woman who loves you most in the world. I had my MOH and best friend of 15 years back out of my wedding and my life in a 4 sentence e-mail for literally no reason, so I feel your pain. I hope your day is beautiful1