(Closed) SHE just broke my heart!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What do I do when my MOH pulls out?
    Beg/convince her to change her mind : (9 votes)
    14 %
    Ask someone else even if they think they are my second choice : (16 votes)
    25 %
    Don't have a MOH : (39 votes)
    61 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    605 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay

    oh i’m so sorry about that, that must have been a shock. did something happen that maybe she’s not comfortable talking about? in any case, i don’t know if this helps, but i have heard a lot of brides who are upset with MOH’s who are not interested/involved in the planning, so it’s kind of good that she told you that she doesn’t feel she should be MOH.

    as to what to do, i think it’s okay not to have an MOH if you feel that asking someone else would complicate things too much. i actually like that idea, although i’m sorry things aren’t panning out the way you had hoped. i hope everything works out!

    Post # 4
    Member
    484 posts
    Helper bee

    I’d be honest with your sisters-in-law and let them pick straws. Seriously, roll a dice, pick a card, anything as long as it’s as arbitrary as possible and done right in front of them. That way they all know that there is no preference involved but you simply need a MOH. I’d basically ‘accept’ your MOH’s decision, God only knows what further drama she could pile on you in the run-up to your wedding, and you can never be sure if there aren’t any problems in her personal life she’s taking out on you. Either way she’s not being a great friend at a time when you really need her. Let her cool off, she may come around and you can always keep a bridesmaid spot open for her.

    Post # 5
    Member
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I wouldn’t necessarily “beg” her to be the MOH, but I would definitely talk to her about it more.  If it still seems like she isn’t interested in being the MOH, I would just not have one.  That’s a crappy situation to be in, I’m sorry 🙁

    Post # 6
    Member
    3709 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Honestly, I just wouldn’t have a MOH. If your BMs are your 3 SILs then I think they will be able to work together, and with you, to give you a nice wedding experience. I wouldn’t borrow trouble by making one of them “more important” than the others. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    3461 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @mandy72980: I am glad you found your own perfect solution!  As I was reading the thread I was going to ask if there was a male figure in your life that you were close to that you could ask instead (brother/good guy friend etc.) but your mom is an unexpected but perfect option instead who represents what a MOH should be.

    Post # 9
    Member
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I am sorry you had to deal with this situation at all (your first MOH sounds like a major b), but I’m happy that you found a great solution.  I am sure you Mom is thrilled, and it doesn’t sound like you could have picked a better person 🙂

    Post # 10
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I have been there before, only I was the MOH backing out of the wedding three months before the event. There was a good reason why, and there also was a HUGE falling out. I wish that you both were able to talk, but sometimes it’s just not a relationship that was worth saving, especially if she would do that to you. Glad that you made a better choice that means so much more to you! Good luck!

    Post # 11
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I just stumbled upon this post, but I’m happy to hear everything has worked out. At least your MOH will be the woman who loves you most in the world. I had my MOH and best friend of 15 years back out of my wedding and my life in a 4 sentence e-mail for literally no reason, so I feel your pain. I hope your day is beautiful1

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