- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
Very long story short my friend was just proposed to and wanted her wedding in Vegas this coming summer. She talked to me about this even before she was engaged, and I told her that I couldn’t commit to being her MOH at a Vegas wedding because of a few reasons. I never asked her to move the wedding or have it closer. I just simply gave my reasonings for not being able to.:
1) I will have, at best, a 3 month old at that point and cannot fly a 3 month old to Vegas to attend a wedding nor can I leave a 3 month home for that many days while I go. As a first time parents it just doesn’t seem sensible to me, especially since I plan on breastfeeding.
2) I am already taking maternity leave plus an extra week in June (if I am not still on mat leave at that point) because my DH is gone for a week to Chicago. Plus we have another wedding to attend this June, but its local.
She was a BM in my wedding. We used to be BFF while growing up because we’ve known each other forever, and I really wanted her to be my BM. She said yes, and I had no issues with her, and I am glad I could share my day with her. I will never regret having her in my pics or looking back on my wedding with her involved.
So now it is her turn to get married again. I posted on the Bee about my issue with her, and I realized I needed to be more supportive of her as a friend rather than judgemental, so I have been asking her how she is, how the kids are (she has 2), blah blah blah. I’ve never met her FI either. (long story short: she is a serial cheater on her husband and they are finally getting a divorce, and she is now marrying one of the guys)
But today she seriously rubbed me the wrong way to the point where I decided even if I wasn’t pregnant, I would have declined.
Her: Are you sure you can’t come to Vegas? I was hoping you could sing a solo or a duet with [your DH]?
Me: As much as I’d love to be there I can’t leave a baby that young at home or take him along (or take more time off). My mama bear instincts say its just not sensible for me to do. [DH] leaves for a week in June and we also have a local wedding so its a busy summer on top of being parents for the first time. I’d love to be there though.
Her: I understand. I’ll just have to figure out someone else or I’ll be a bridesmaid short. 🙁
Her: Do you think [Lisa] would do it?
*Lets keep in mind Lisa is my BFF (and MOH) and she not only strongly dislikes this girl but Lisa never talks to her. They have never been friends. Even growing up I was splitting my time between them because we couldn’t all hang out together without them fighting, lol.
Me: Are you asking because you need even sides??
Her: I was thinking of asking her anyway.
I just want to say that I now see how important our friendship actually is. I would assume a MOH is supposed to be a best friend or close to it, someone that you love and would want there on your wedding day, right? So apparently by what I gather above she has a TOTALLY different view. It’s only disappointing to her because not only can I not travel to Vegas with a 3 month old and take off a bunch of days at work, but now I am creating uneven sides. I am just someone that she wanted to stand there.
I just found this extremely humorous and I am not at all hurt about it. Honestly if she is just asking to fill spots and create an even side, which seems to be the case by what I gather from above, I am glad I declined. No thanks. I guess my BMs meant more to me where I asked because I loved them and not because I needed them to make the sides even. Plus if my bestie wouldn’t have been able to make it I’d have either tried to move the date or have it closer so she could make it.
This is a true case of how bridesmaids mean something different to every bride.